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NAVY

I appreciate you.

-B

I can’t get it out of my head.

Not long after he left for the fields, I headed upstairs to get ready for lunch with Penelope and the girls. Little did I know, a sweet note was waiting for me on my bathroom mirror.

Bodhi.

He must have done it between the time I went downstairs to meet his sister and when he left the house.

But why? Why would he take the time to write such a simple, yet very intentional, note for me? In my favorite lipstick shade of all things.

Because he’s the most intentional man you’ve ever met, Navy. You know this.

The moment I saw his jagged handwriting written in the berry lipstick I wear on every possible occasion, it was as if my heart left my body, and that’s a very dangerous thing.

My heart continues to flutter at an unhealthy speed, and butterflies have yet to stop their swarm in my stomach. I’m not sure if I could wipe my smile off if I tried.

Still, I’m a little taken aback. I need to think carefully about how to respond to this, if I even need to respond, and take Briggs into account.

Should he be taken into account?

I’m not sure what I feel for the guy at this point. He’s kind and handsome, not to mention a great father. But is he for me?

That’s the question I keep asking myself.

“Penelope, you have to tell us all the embarrassing stories about Bodhi growing up. You’re the best intel,” Kodi blurts out before taking a long sip of her Diet Coke.

“Yes, please! He’s so reserved. I bet you’ve got some diabolical stories to tell,” Tenley says.

Penelope laughs. “Now, what would be the fun in sharing if Bodhi’s not here to witness his destruction?”

“You guys are cruel. The poor guy isn’t even here to advocate for himself,” I joke with them.

“Oh, save it. Just because Bodhi’s in love with you doesn’t mean you get to take his side on this,” Tenley exclaims.

“What!” Penelope.

I shoot Tenley a look, hoping she gets the message I’m sending her: watch your back, bitch—love you, mean it.

Kodi has the nerve to stay silent and cast me a conniving smirk.

Where are my friends when I actually need them?

“Someone better speak up,” Penelope says before turning toward Tenley. “You said Bodhi was in love with Navy.”

Tenley nods, pissing me off even more. “He is.”

“He is not! They have no idea what they’re talking about,” I tell Penelope, pleading with her to believe me.

I don’t know her well enough to tell what her expression means, but it reads like humor. Great.

“Ha! She’s in denial,” Tenley blurts out louder than necessary.

I guess it looks like we’re about to put the tension from Boone to the test.

“I am not!” I turn to Kodi. “Tell her, Kodi. I am not in denial about anything regarding that man.”

I cross my arms like a child, but I don’t care.

“Oh, this is rich,” Penelope gasps before stuffing her face with chips and salsa.

This was supposed to be a fun and friendly lunch, introducing Penelope to the girls and eating some good food.

Now, it’s the opposite.

I have a cold enchilada sitting in front of me, a draft beer turning depressingly warm, and my traitorous friends ganging up on me.

“That man? You can’t even say his name,” Tenley says.

“Navy, you know how much I love you, and I think you are one of the smartest women I know, but I’m gonna side with Tenley on this one,” Kodi stammers out in caution.

Is she serious right now?

“I knew it,” Penelope announces, causing every head to turn her way.

“What?” I ask. “You knew what?”

“I knew he was in love with you.”

Tenley’s laughter all but bounces off the wall. “Oh my god, even she noticed it and she’s been here a whole ten minutes!”

I’m no longer hungry.

Time to give them all a rude awakening.

“Hey, Tenley? Wanna hear a fun fact?” I ask her.

She looks at me to continue. “He already told me he doesn’t see me like that. In fact, he told me so after we hooked up in Fiji, and then he proceeded to humiliate me by saying, I will always be Cal’s little sister to him, and he has never seen me as more, so yeah. There’s that.”

The silence at our table stretches a mile wide.

Until each of them yells something different at the same time.

“You hooked up in Fiji? When?” Kodi.

“I’ll kill him. I did always want to be an only child.” Penelope.

“Son of a bitch.” Tenley.

I’m not typically quiet, but when I am, it’s for a valid reason.

Right now, I feel exhausted. Mentally exhausted, that is, from the constant battle I’m in with my feelings for Bodhi.

It’s as if the universe won’t let me escape them.

Somehow, they keep getting blown up in my face, reminding me how much I care for him and how he never has and never will feel the same.

It’s draining.

My friends' constantly bringing it up only makes it worse. I know Tenley means well; she voices it because she cares, but it bothers me because they don’t know the whole story.

Until now.

Penelope, being the sweet and new friend that she is, waves them off and holds my hands in front of me to give me her full attention. “Let’s backtrack. Start from the beginning.”

I don’t want to talk about it, but I know I set myself up for this. Besides, I could use a woman’s perspective. It’s been more difficult than I expected to keep what happened between Bodhi and me to myself.

It’s been this hidden secret we’ve kept for so long now; I know our secret is safe with my friends.

I take a deep breath and tell them everything. I tell them how Bodhi showed up for me for all my issues with Luke, the breakup, and when I needed a place to stay. I tell them how we had been running circles around each other for weeks, building up the sexual tension, emotionally getting close to each other, leading to an undeniable physical connection. We knew Cal would never approve, so we pretended it wasn’t there. I told them about the moment we shared in Fiji, and how I felt so fucking seen and worshipped by him. Until he dropped a bomb on me and things haven’t been the same since. Not for my lack of trying.

“Wow,” Tenley says. “I had no idea.”

“God, Navs. Are you okay? I knew you and Bodhi shared something special, but I always thought you both only saw each other as friends. I never knew you cared about him so deeply. On that level, I mean,” Kodi adds.

I nod. “I’m pretty sure I always have,” I admit to them, but also to myself.

I’ve always admired Bodhi and how true to himself he is. It’s incredibly attractive to see a man stay in his own lane when everyone else in his village is in another. He never strays.

His showing up for me in a season full of self-doubt only solidified what I should have known.

Bodhi is loyal to a fault.

However, it never made sense to me how I can be the thing he casts aside so easily and dismisses my feelings—all the true and very real feelings I shared with him. He never once gave me any inclination that I was misjudging the vibes I was very clearly receiving from him.

It was as if a switch flipped.

A switch that shifted our entire dynamic.

“So that’s why he froze up,” Penelope says.

“What do you mean?” I ask her.

She ponders for a moment before saying, “When I got to the house this morning, he was all Chatty Kathy, and as soon as you came downstairs, he froze up. It was as if his brain glitched and went into fight or flight. I don’t know how I missed it at the time.”

Tenley looks at me. “I think she’s now seeing what we’ve seen all along. What you said happened in Fiji only explains his recent behavior.”

“It all makes sense now,” Kodi murmurs, putting the pieces together.

Am I naive? Do I have a terrible sense of reading people? Because everything about Bodhi told me he was serious and no bullshitting was involved.

“This is confusing me. Even if you were right, it wouldn’t matter; I’m seeing Crew now,” I tell them.

They ignore me.

“Can I ask when exactly you guys hooked up?” Kodi asks with a look of unease.

“I told you, Kodi. It was in Fiji, the day after your wedding at the mud pools.”

“But do you remember the time?” she asks.

Why does she need the time? Does she have security footage to watch or does she want a play-by-play?

I give her a confused look. “Uh, I don’t know. Your parents set our reservation for one in the afternoon, so I’d say around two o’clock. Why?”

Kodi’s eyes bulge in what looks like shock.

“Why, Kodi? What’s that look for?” I ask her.

I watch and wait as Kodi chugs the rest of her Diet Coke and shoves a chocolate chip cookie from her purse into her mouth. “Shit. Mother trucker.”

I roll my eyes. I’ll never understand her quirky slang.

“Speak, please,” I tell her, getting more impatient by the minute.

Tenley and Penelope sit quietly in our booth, waiting for Kodi to continue.

“I may know why Bodhi reacted the way he did,” Kodi admits.

What?

I’m not sure what she means, but I know my best friend. She would never screw around with my emotions just for the sake of it.

She knows something.

“Okay…”

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

My eyes find Penelope beside me shoving handfuls of chips in her mouth. “Sorry, I eat when I’m anxious.”

Kodi sends her a dry laugh and says, “Same, girl. Same,” before finally turning toward me and giving me the answer I’ve asked myself over and over again the last few months. “Callaway may have texted Bodhi around that same time telling him to return you unharmed.”

I’m unable to shut my mouth. I’m pretty sure it’s stuck open in shock. Meanwhile, Kodi shoves another cookie in her mouth and stares at me like I might break.

“And the hits keep on coming…” Penelope says through crunches.

“Another round, please.” Tenley signals the bartender.

I haven’t even touched my first round.

At this point, I don’t see eating or drinking in my near future. I’m too queasy to look at food right now.

“How is that even possible, Kodi?” I ask her, confused and questioning everything. “Wait…oh, god. His phone was going off...”

Kodi’s head sinks.

“That was Cal?” I ask her.

Kodi nods. “And me. We were group texting him.”

That must have been why he was gone for so long while I was waiting in the shower alone.

I feel my heart break all over again. I don’t know why I didn’t think this was even a possibility.

“What did you guys talk about?” I’m trying to give her and Cal the benefit of the doubt, but it’s really fucking hard right now.

Tears start to well up in her hazel eyes. “Cal may have told Bodhi he expected you to return from Fiji unharmed and that he trusted him. That’s why he chose Bodhi as his best man.”

“What else, Kodi?” Fuck. This hurts.

“He said he would kill Bodhi if something similar to what happened with Luke happened to you again.”

“So, in summary, he essentially told Bodhi to not go anywhere near me or he’d kill him and never forgive him?” I ask her.

Kodi nods. “Basically. But maybe you should talk to Callaway to hear it from him. I can’t speak for his intention.”

I don’t know how to feel right now. Callaway and I have always respected each other’s boundaries. We never interfere. Although I was less than thrilled about him getting together with my best friend, I eventually came around to accepting and supporting it.

I’d like to think Cal said the things he did to Bodhi unintentionally, thinking the idea of Bodhi and I together was never an option to begin with.

Maybe he meant other men or people in general—not necessarily Bodhi.

But Cal’s not an idiot. I know he saw how close Bodhi and I got this last year. Bodhi was there for me when no one else was, but I would never blame Cal for his absence. He tried to talk to me, but I dismissed him, not wanting to taint how happy he was with my best friend.

He deserved to be unapologetically happy.

“I see.” I don’t know what else to say.

“Navs, I’m so sorry. If I had known what was going on with you and Bodhi, I would have told Callaway to leave you guys alone,” Kodi pleads.

I get it. He’s her husband. He should come first.

I shake my head, fighting like hell to not let the tears fall. “It’s not your fault, Kodi. I never told you because I didn’t think his feelings were reciprocated, until they were. At least, they were until he denied them and tore my heart open.”

“God, this is so messed up,” Tenley exclaims.

Penelope finally decides to speak, turning her attention to me. “Can I say something, Navy?”

I nod and peer into her bright blue eyes. They’re so different from her brother’s but equally beautiful.

Penelope takes a deep breath. “I know we only met this morning, but I need you to trust me when I say this. When our mom left us four years ago, Bodhi was in a rough place. Then the accident happened and all he had was my dad and me…and Cal. That’s it. Cal showed up for him in a lot of ways, and that’s his story to tell, but he was limited with people in his corner. I’d like to think he reacted out of panic and regrets it now. Maybe that felt like the only option at the time…in order to keep you both.”

God. She’s probably right.

Bodhi has gone through more than most people have in their lives and I’d imagine he reacted on impulse and fear. Fear of not only losing Cal, but me too. He was my friend before he became the man I fell for.

“You’re probably right,” I tell her.

“Do you love him?” Kodi asks me.

Do I love Bodhi? Unequivocally.

From the moment he helped me move my stuff from Luke’s door.

He sees me for me. Zero expectations. Zero stipulations. He takes me as I am, never trying to mold me into who he thinks I should be.

My heart sings when he’s near and weeps when he’s away.

I nod, feeling more emotional than I expected. “I love him to overflowing. Sometimes I think my heart fights to make room for the depth of it.”

Penelope nods with tears in her eyes. “Talk to Cal, then talk to Bodhi. Take the time you need to think it through. But promise me you’ll hear Bodhi out. I knew from the way he acted around you this morning that he loves you.”

My stomach drops. I’m fighting the feeling of overwhelming fear from rejection, the repercussions of putting myself out there again, and the hopefulness of Bodhi loving me like they claim he does.

Being happy—happy and blissfully in love.

With Bodhi.

It sounds like a distant dream. A dream I want to run away with and savor to the ends of the earth.

“Let’s hope so.”

My three friends wrap me in the warmth of their arms, reassuring me I’ll be okay, and I believe them.

My heart has been through hell this last year, preparing me for the profound love to come, the love I realize I’m worthy of.

I can only hope it’s with the beloved soul I chose.