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NAVY

What is she, Jennifer Aniston’s doppelg?nger?

She’s next-level gorgeous and I could never deny it. Poppy’s level of beauty is a rarity, and of course, she’s here being set up with the man I can’t have.

I’m staring and I don’t care.

I watch out of my peripheral vision like a psychopath as Bodhi leads Poppy outside. They cuddle up next to each other, not too close, but enough to tell they’re here together, settling by the outdoor fireplace near the pool.

It’s strange. I’ve never seen Bodhi with a woman before.

Bodhi holds the same beer I have yet to see him take a sip of, while Poppy sips on her recently replenished margarita.

Despite what they may look like together, I know Bodhi, and he’s uncomfortable. Not enough to need saving, he’s a grown man, but enough that he most likely feels left to the wolves with a woman he hardly knows. The side of me that’s his friend works through fast and efficient ways to intervene and save him. However, Poppy doesn’t seem like the worst company to have.

I know nothing about Bodhi’s past relationships or hookups.

Frankly, I don’t care to.

But I know when Bodhi wants a woman—experience taught me that.

He’s not looking at Poppy as if he can’t get close enough, or like she’s the prettiest woman in the room.

I need to stop looking at them and focus on the sweet man I’m here with tonight.

Reaching for Briggs’ hand, I pull him from his Adirondack chair, secretly leading him toward the hammocks settled in a cove of palm trees to the side of the backyard. It’s tranquil out here. It’s peaceful. There are tiki torches lit in every suitable corner of the yard, bringing the darkness of the night to life.

Kodi didn’t miss a single detail in designing her coastal oasis.

“Where you taking me, sailor?” Briggs asks me with a huge grin on his face.

“Just over here for some privacy.” I can’t help but glance to where Bodhi and Poppy are seated, finding his eyes already on me.

He did this. He created the separation between us.

Back to the man who is here for me.

Briggs’ deep chuckle vibrates through our connection.

“Is this where you admit you’ve always loved me and decide to have your way with me?” Oh, he’s got jokes.

“Hilarious, but no. Swing with me.” I smile at him, and the smile he returns gives me hope—hope to find love again in someone who smiles at me like Crew Briggs is right now.

I know I’m not there with him yet; we hardly know each other. Yet, knowing the possibility is there makes the emptiness I’ve felt these past few months a little more bearable.

I lead Briggs to the two-person swing in the middle, and he takes the initiative to sit first, pulling me beside him and bringing my legs over his lap.

He’s sweet.

My head finds the soft netting behind me as I gaze at the stars above in an array of chaos.

Somehow, they feel similar to me. I view myself just like them.

I’m disordered and extroverted, but that’s what I let others see from the outside. I’d like to think there’s more to me than that. I know there is. No matter how shiny and compelling we may look on the exterior, it’s the inner allure that matters—the part easily forgotten about and the least pursued.

“You’re quiet tonight.” Briggs politely interrupts my reflection.

“Am I? I’m sorry.”

He gives me a small smile as he casually caresses my leg. “Don’t apologize. I noticed, that’s all. Nothing wrong with it.”

My eyes find him sincerely. “I’m really glad you came with me tonight, Briggs.”

“You can call me Crew,” he tells me.

“Crew?”

Briggs laughs. “I mean…that is my name.”

“Okay, Crew. You’re right.” I smile.

“I like for people I care about to call me by my first name,” Crew says without thinking twice.

Oh. Why did my heart skip a beat, and I’m not sure in a good way?

Before I have a chance to respond, he speaks up, “You don’t have to say anything. I know we just started seeing each other, but I really like you, Navy. It helps that we’ve known each other for a while, but you have me really excited to see where this goes. And it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way.”

What a declaration. Crew Briggs is a man.

“I like you, too. I know you probably have to choose wisely the people you get close to with Addie.”

He nods. “I do. She’s my entire world. I want to give her a family, but I’m hesitant. I saw a lot of fucked up shit growing up and I’d die before letting her experience half of it.”

“Can I ask what happened with Addie’s mom?”

“Of course.” He nods and the softness of his touch on my leg continues to relax me. “I wish I had some big story to tell, but it was a one-time thing. The year before Addie was born was a rough one for me. I had just gotten out of the major leagues and didn’t know what the hell I was going to do with my life. I struggled; let’s just say that. Got drunk, had a one-night stand, and boom—a baby. Changed my life.”

I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for Crew. Struggling with his personal things and then, add a surprise pregnancy to the mix.

A blessing and a shock at the same time.

“And now you have the most beautiful little girl to show for it.”

His smile fills his whole face like it does every time Addie is mentioned. “That I do. I’m a lucky man.”

“Hey, so listen, I know it’s sort of weird timing, but I wanted to see what you were doing in two?—”

“Briggsby! Get your ass in the pool before I drag you in myself!”

I don’t get the chance to finish before King cuts me off and storms in our direction, causing a bellowed laugh to escape Crew. “Dude, you gotta stop sneaking up on us like that.”

Great. Here comes my brother.

“Let’s go! The pool’s heated. Don’t tell me you can’t swim, Briggs,” Cal teases.

Crew looks at me curiously. I won’t tell him not to have fun with his friends—never. They’re my friends, too, and they’re a good time.

I throw a nod over my shoulder, encouraging him to go for it. “Go, have fun. I’m not going anywhere.”

A smile lights up his face as he gently sets my legs down and chastely kisses my cheek before diving headfirst into the pool. Fully clothed.

Men. I shake my head.

I guess that’s one way to break in the new house.

The entire Strikers team is fully clothed, body-slamming each other in the pool. I love this team.

It’s pretty incredible to watch them from the sidelines.

“How long do you think they’ll last in there? My guess is ten minutes, give or take a few.”

“Jesus Christ, Bodhi. You scared me,” I yelp at the top of my lungs and calm my racing heart as he laughs.

“Didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“You didn’t…well, you kind of did. I thought you’d be in the pool with everyone else.”

“Nah. I’m good right here.”

“Where’s Poppy?” I ask, and his eyes shoot up in silent question.

Yes, I’m asking where your date is. That doesn’t make me jealous.

“She left. Something about an early day tomorrow,” Bodhi tells me, and he doesn’t seem bothered by it.

“She’s nice. And beautiful.” I don’t know what made me say that, but I guess I want him to know I’ll be fine if he dates her.

At least, I’ll try to be.

“She is.” Cool, cool.

Bodhi settles in the single hammock next to mine and relaxes casually, twirling the full beer in his hand.

He’s always twirling something. There was one time I caught Bodhi with a fidget spinner. I didn’t think anything of it. I actually think I understand it more now, from knowing him longer.

“You do that a lot.”

His head lifts to meet mine. “Do what?”

The contrast between Briggs and Bodhi is drastic. Briggs wears a smile like it’s his favorite accessory, while Bodhi shows no readable expression.

I’ve learned Bodhi is easily misunderstood.

It takes peeling back the layers of Bodhi St. James to see what an incredible human being he is.

“You twirl things. I always see you fidgeting with something.”

He laughs lightly, enough for me to notice but not hear. “Yeah, I guess I do. It helps.”

“Care to share with the class?” I’m being nosey.

Bodhi doesn’t hesitate. “When I start to feel anxious, it re-centers me. It’s more so in big crowds. Long story short—prison fucked me up.”

There’s so much I don’t know, and even more I want to.

I’m not sure it’s my place to ask.

“Oh.” That’s all I say. My cherry red toenail polish is the object of my attention at the moment, as silence lingers between us.

“You can ask me, you know. I’ll answer. I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”

Bodhi stares at me like he can’t look away. He’s intentional and rooted in a firm foundation of confidence. He never sways—kind of like now.

I’m not sure what expression my face reads to him, but it should be admiration. He claims to be fucked up beyond repair, but that’s the last thing I see.

I see a man who has been through life’s toughest obstacles and came back swinging.

I look at him, hoping he can see my sincerity. “Was it hard? I mean, I’m sure it was, but you’ve never told me about it. All I remember is Cal coming to see you every week and giving us short check-ins. I worried about you.”

A look of humility rolls through him as I watch Bodhi soak in my words like it’s the best thing he’s ever heard.

He appreciates intention.

There’s an ample amount of laughter and squealing from all the party guests around us, but nothing can take away the weight of this conversation. But then again, Bodhi and I have always been able to talk about anything and everything, no matter where we are, even since Fiji.

The background around us is just noise.

“It was worse than you could ever imagine, I’m sure of it. It’s a miserable feeling never being able to fully relax—in bed, eating lunch, showering, anywhere, really. I had to be on guard around the clock if I wanted to stay alive. The last thing you want is for that cell block to be closed off, and as soon as you let your guard down, a group of seven guys gang-jump you. It doesn’t matter how great of a fighter you are; when you’re one against seven, the outcome is not in your favor. I’ve seen a guy get jumped by twenty over a Honeybun.”

“Holy shit. It’s like survival of the fittest. I hate that you had to go through that, Bodhi. That sounds horrible.”

He nods. “Sometimes being in places like this…triggers me.”

“Rightfully so. I think it makes you pretty brave to be here.”

He looks at me quizzically as he rubs his thumb across his bottom lip, lost in thought. “Something like that.”

I’m not sure what he means, but I won’t ask any more questions than I should. However, there is one question I need to ask.

“So is that why you order beers and never drink them? Because you need something to hold on to?” I ask him.

He smirks. “There’s plenty of things I’d like to hold onto, Navy. But no, not exactly.”

Oh, lord. I set myself up for that one.

A blush creeps up my face, and I try my best to fight back a smile despite deep down thinking he’s full of shit. “Then what is it? I see you order a beer all the time, but I’ve never once seen you take a sip.”

I hope he doesn’t think I’m judging him, because I’m not. I’m only curious.

He stares me down as all signs of humor vanish from his face. “The last time I took a sip of alcohol, I almost killed my best friend. Not Callaway, don’t worry. But I promised myself I’d never drink again.”

Oh my god. That must be the reason for his arrest. He has been through so much, and my heart breaks for the Bodhi who was struggling past the point of being able to recognize it.

“I’m…God, I’m sorry, Bodhi. That sucks.”

He chuckles, surprisingly. “Yeah, Navy. It sucks.”

We linger in the still silence as my eyes search for Crew, finding him charging the diving board and cannonballing into the pool.

They look like they’re having a blast.

“I order a beer to remind myself of why I don’t need it. It’s a peculiar feeling to witness the repercussions of people around you getting drunk while you’re still sober. There’s no judgment, but I won’t let myself experience that again. The risk isn’t worth it,” Bodhi admits on his own.

Bodhi St. James is a good, good man. He’s much more of a man than he gives himself credit for.

For some reason, I feel like I need to remind him he’s not alone.

I reach my hand to his and tap his palm gently to get his attention. Bodhi’s eyes find mine and they fill with sorrow. “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for, Bodhi. You’re a man with heart and integrity. That means everything in a world of prideful men. I hope you know you’re not alone, and despite everything that happened between us, I’ve got your back. I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

My heart leaps out of my chest in both agony and care. I care so deeply for him.

Tears I’m sure he wasn’t planning on shedding escape his eyes slowly as his gaze on me intensifies. Bodhi pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it softly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Hurting you is my greatest mistake.”

“Sailor! Get your ass in the pool, girl!”

I jump, and the sound of Crew yelling for me pops the bubble Bodhi and I find ourselves in.

I force myself to shake off the heaviness of Bodhi’s admission.

Despite his actions in Fiji, I believe him now. Except, it doesn’t change anything. He’s made no effort to show me he feels differently than he expressed that day, and I can’t let my hopeful idea of his unspoken feelings blur the lines of reality.

And the reality is: Bodhi doesn’t see me as more than Callaway’s little sister. He told me so himself.

I’m better to remember that.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I toss my purse in the hammock beside me and turn toward Bodhi one last time. “I’m being summoned.”

He doesn’t hesitate. “Navy, it’s freezing out. Even in a heated pool, you’re hardly wearing enough to keep you warm.”

A slow smile creeps up my face. “Don’t go worrying about me now, catcher. I’ve survived worse.”

I have, and I know I have a long life ahead of me with more challenges to come. But today, I choose to live in the moment with the people who chose me.

Right now, that’s the people in this pool I’m about to spend the rest of my night with. As I join him in the water, Crew asks me if I’m okay, having noticed my attention on Bodhi, and I decide to play it off and let my focus be on him.

At least in the pool, breathing feels much easier.

And my heart? Well, it’s much too far away.