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9

Ty

“ W hat are you doing right now?” Jules opened my door without knocking, and I threw a shoe sitting on my bed towards him, which slammed against the wall a couple of feet from his pretty face. “Asshole.”

“You could knock,” I answered flatly. I let go of Mister Wiggles, and he jumped off the bed and onto his cat house, where he disappeared inside. He liked company less than I did.

“I should’ve,” he sulked.

“Then do it.” I looked at him seriously. It always annoyed me when one of the other guys did this shit. We all deserved whatever privacy we could get. I instantly felt bad about my bad behavior, though. I hadn’t felt right since hanging out with Merc. He had twisted me up in a way I couldn’t fathom.

Jules turned around and shut the door. A few seconds later, a soft knock sounded on the other side.

“Come the fuck in,” I mumbled. I wasn’t in the mood for people. I had a lot going on in my mind right now, and it was shrouded in a fog of thoughts that I kept trying to ignore. I hadn’t felt right since hanging out with Merc. He had twisted me up in a way I couldn’t fathom.

“Hi, Ty. Can we talk?” He sounded so sad.

I sighed. “Sure. Plop onto the bed.” I patted the spot beside me.

Jules crawled up onto my bed and sat with his legs crossed and his arms wound tightly around himself.

“Fuck. What’s wrong now?” I was going to fucking kill Roam if he had done anything to Jules.

“I’m having a major issue.” He didn’t look me in the eyes and glanced down at the bed.

“That’s about all you have, babe.” I patted his knee. “Tell me.”

“I know.” He choked up and took a deep breath to steady himself. “I am a fucking magnet for drama. But I really wish I wasn’t.”

“What did Roam do?” I growled. “I warned you about him.”

“It’s not Roam, Ty. It’s…” He looked up at me and stared deeply into my eyes. “Will you go with me someplace? Please?”

“Tell me why.”

“I’ll tell you everything when we get there. Please, Ty? I really need you.” He reached over and took my hand in his. “Please?”

“I’m not gonna regret this later, am I?” I knew that I was going to give in. It was impossible to disappoint Jules. He was the only person that I had in my life that I truly cared about. The only person who cared about me.

“I can’t promise that. We’re gonna meet some friends, and then I’ll tell you everything.” He sniffed. His eyes were red-rimmed, and now that I really looked at him, he had been crying.

“Yeah, totally gonna regret this. You have shitty friends.”

“You’re about my only friend, Ty.”

“Who do you think I’m talking about?”

He squeezed my hand tighter. “You are more than you know, my love. You just hide behind that macho bullshit. But underneath, you care, and you love, and you know it. You’re just scared of it. I get it. You’ve not known real love since your… I’m sorry. I know you don’t like talking about that.” He let go of my hand, and I leaned forward and took his face between mine.

“No, go on. You felt the need to start it.” I had been thinking about this a lot lately. The reasons that I act the way I do.

“You’ve had a shit life, Ty. When your parents died, you were sent to live with someone who didn’t want you. I understand that. My parents never wanted me. At least you had love for a while with yours.” He frowned.

“Maybe that made this all the worse. Maybe you’re the lucky one?” I whispered.

“Maybe.” He reached back out and took my hand again. “But we can only know each other’s trauma if we share it, right? You hide behind that wall of anger that you protect yourself with. I can see why. I hide behind my overflowing abundance of feelings that I wallow in and feel like I’m always about to drown. We’re both broken, and this place makes things worse. You know it, and I know it’s true. We’ve used sex and fame to replace any semblance of reality, and we have to figure out a way for us to be happy. We deserve it, don’t you think?”

I pulled him down and rested his head in my lap. Stroking his hair always soothed the beast that threatened to erupt if I gave in to my feelings. “The shit I’ve done, boo… I don’t know anymore. I'm not even sure who I really am right now, much less whatever the fuck I’m feeling. How could I ever let myself feel anything? I’m numb and not comfortable.”

“That’s a weird phrase.” He giggled.

“Never mind, babe.” I bent down and kissed his head. “Where are we going?”

“Just trust me, ok?” He sat back up and pulled me off the bed.

“I guess you’re one of the only people that I do.”

We snuck out of the house, and as soon as we made it outside, Jules put on the most giant pair of sunglasses I had ever seen.

“Very incognito,” I scoffed. “No one will even glance at you.”

“I know, right? Roam gave them to me.” He giggled as he grabbed my arm. “This way, stud. Being in the sun always makes me feel a little better. How about you? Come on.”

He pulled me down the street, and we walked towards Melrose. I knew where we were going. Jules had this place that he adored going to. His words, not mine. It was a tiny coffee shop with a fortune teller inside who would read your cards or tea leaves. He always tried to get me to go and have my fortune told. I had refused, but the coffee was pretty great.

“I know that you don’t like this place,” he said apologetically.

“It’s not that. I just don’t like people preying on the weak.” The truth was – I was afraid it would be bad, and they would be right. Fate had not been very kind to me.

“I may look like… Well, act like a delicate flower, but I’m not weak, Ty.” He jutted out his bottom lip with consternation.

“I didn’t mean that.” I sighed.

“That’s not why we’re going there, anyway. We’re meeting Roam and Merc.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. “Really?”

“Yes, come on.” He pulled me and wrapped his hand through my arm. “I need him, and he said he was bringing Merc. I thought you two were friendly now. It sure seemed like you were at the party.”

“We’re not killing each other.”

“I’ll take that. Please, just do this for me. Ok?”

I nodded.

We walked the last two blocks in silence. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Merc. I didn’t not like him, if you know what I mean. It was just that he made me crazy. All of his bantering and snarky comments twisted my mind up into a knot that I couldn’t unravel. When I left him a couple of days ago, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. The things he said to me and the way he tried to connect made me feel uncomfortable. I hadn’t been able to truly connect with anyone in a very long time. It was safer that way. Jules was about as close as I had ever gotten, and even that was half-assed. I wasn’t a fully formed person, and Merc made me think about that fact. He also made me want to reach out and touch him – not for the studio and the audience – but for myself. There was something real about him. I hadn’t had anything real in a very long time.

“Ok. Be nice.” Jules said as we stopped in front of the door. I could see Roam and Merc sitting uncomfortably at a small round table in the back corner. Merc raised his hand and grinned at me as if he were happy to see me.

Fuck. My stomach flipped. Damn, he looked sexy as fuck. That black tank top was… It fit him very well.

“I’ll be on my best behavior, boo,” I huffed and tried to push the butterflies down where they belonged. Those feelings would only cause me regret later. It was safer to stay the way I was. “After you.” I pulled the door open, and we went inside.

“This isn’t a cat café, you know?” Merc grinned slyly. Fuck. His deep voice had wormed his way in and felt comforting and dangerous all at the same time.

“Fuck you, Merc,” I said lowly. Roam snorted back a laugh and stood as Jules rushed into his arms.

“Ah, young love. Ain’t it grand?” Merc scooted out a chair beside him with his foot. “Pop a squat, hot stuff.”

I grabbed it by the back and pulled it to what I considered a safe distance away from him. His tight tank top showed every muscle he had as if it were see-through. Soon, my fingers would be exploring them, and… Stop! This is just a fucking job – another fuck that will lead nowhere, and I had to remember that.

Jules pulled back from Roam and nodded his head. Together, they sat down in their chairs and scooted them close together. Jules reached over, and Roam took his hand and held it lovingly in his lap. It made me jealous.

“Are you ok?” Roam asked huskily. His voice broke with concern.

“No. I am troubled and in despair.” Jules batted his eyes in a way that only Jules could, yet he was still masculine at the same time. He danced between the lines, and that was why he was so popular. “Everything is coming up pentacles, and I can’t find a way out.”

“What are you… Oh…” I realized. Jules’ tarot thing was real, and he rarely did anything without consulting it. “Pentacles? Those are bad?”

“Yes, silly. Now, before we begin, I need you and Roam to shake hands,” he demanded. “I know the rivalry thing still feels real, and all of you tops have taken it way too seriously for far too long.” He smirked. “I am serious about Roam. I am also serious about you, Ty. Merc, I don’t really know you – but if you have Roam’s heart, you also have mine.”

Roam stood up and offered his hand. I sat there dumbly until Merc kicked my shin gently.

“Don’t leave the poor boy standing there.” Merc chuckled, and my toes actually tightened in my shoes.

I slowly stood up and gave him my hand. “Don’t hurt him.”

“I couldn’t. He’s already taken complete control of my heart. Cupid pierced me with his arrow the minute our eyes met, and anyone and everyone else just fell away until it was only him.” His sincerity was overwhelming.

But, God! The pretention was also real. Merc was right – his emo had another level of emo underneath. No wonder people fawned all over him. “Dude? Can I have my hand back now?”

“Oh, sorry. I’ve just heard so much about you from Jules. I’m also totally a secret fan. I watch all your videos.”

“That’s… cool.” It actually always weirded me out when people told me this. I was fine with what I did, but it still made me… It felt odd. I felt the same way about fan interactions, which happened every now and then. I fucked – they beat off. It was weird.

We both sat back down, and Jules kicked his feet over Romeo’s legs and sighed heavily. “So, the reason I got us all together.” He slid his feet off and leaned onto the table. “It’s horrid. Cappie has decided that I now belong to Paris Fitzsimmons. There is a clause in my contract – you should check yours too, Ty – that allows him to rent me out for long-term assignments like I’m a courtesan. Of course, there is also a clause in Paris’ contract that still allows me to film for Cappie twice a month. It basically states that while I am on this long-term rental, like I’m a fucking condo, I have to obey the client and provide any service that he wishes, or I would be in breach of said contract.”

“That’s… crazy.” Merc looked unnerved. “If Cappie has it, I bet Monty does too. The apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, I bet.”

“It’s like I’m in that movie where they sing on top of the elephant.” He ran his fingers through his blonde hair, and his blue eyes looked up with tears in them. “My God, I’m Nicole Kidman! Seriously, could life get any worse? I’m living the life of a ginger, and I’m platinum blonde!” His eyes spilled as tears fell down his cheeks.

Dramatic. But sweet. Hearing this made my stomach clench into a knot. This was extra-level shittiness from my uncle.

“This is forced sexual servitude.” Roam’s face turned red. “We should fight it.”

“We shouldn’t do anything. It’s a Cappie contract. His lawyers are fucking sharks. That contract is iron-clad.” I reached over and patted Jules’ hand. “But that doesn’t make it right.”

“What am I supposed to do? Paris is fine if you're into kinky cocaine fests at three in the morning. That’s not what I want. Not any longer. Now,” he reached over and touched Roam’s hard chest. “I know exactly what I want.”

“We could run away.” Roam’s voice rose with his passion.

I shook my head. “No one runs away from Cappie. I’m sure they say the same thing at Monty’s, right?”

“That they do. We had a guy who tried to run away, and Monty had someone hunt him down and bring him back. He had a nice black eye and limped for a few days, but that didn’t stop them from filming a scene with him right after to prove a point. You don’t fuck with those guys.” Merc looked appalled and maybe a little scared.

“It’s like working for the mob.” Jules huffed.

“Who do you think gave them their start-up loans?” I murmured. “That’s exactly what it is, Jules. You’ve seen those guys come to the house. Some of them even stay around for a dalliance or two.”

“I told Cappie I didn’t want to do it,” he whispered. “He threatened me. This is too important to him. Paris invests a lot of money, and he’s decided that I am exactly what he wants for now. What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” I answered sadly. “We’ll figure something out.”

“I knew I could count on you.” Jules looked like he was about to burst into tears again.

“Always.” I reached over and touched his leg. “You’re not going to become someone’s sex slave. We’ll… I don’t know, but we’ll think of something.”

“Roam already has a very bad plan.” Merc pinched my shoulder gently, and I tensed up. “Easy there, Ty. Just a small pat.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m just tense at… So, what is your plan?”

Roam frowned at his friend. “It’s not bad. It’s the only one we have. We run away. Get as far away as we can. Maybe we go to Italy or…”

“You did hear me say that they’re in bed with the mob, right?” I shrugged. Roam might be hot, but he was a total moron.

“Then somewhere else where they can never find us.”

“You should try Arkansas. They have mountains there. You can live off the land,” I scoffed. “And what will you live on? What skills do either one of you have except fucking and taking goddamned selfies.”

“He has a point.” Merc nodded. “I said the same thing to him.”

“I could wait tables, maybe?” Jules sniffed.

“Honey, no, you couldn’t. You cry when you get dirt under your nails. You’re not cut out for that kind of life, and you know it. We have to bide our time and come up with a plan that actually makes sense. When are you supposed to go to Paris’?”

“Beginning of next week.”

“That gives us time to figure something out that’s actually intelligent. You know how powerful these guys are and what they’re capable of. If you defy him, he will make sure he takes away the one thing you actually love. You, Jules. He’s horrible enough to disfigure you. He knows your weaknesses because he helped create them. Promise me that you won’t run away with him.” I looked Jules sternly in the eye.

“You don’t know me.” Roam tried to puff up like a rooster.

“Damned right, I don’t. So, if you think I’m going to let Jules run away with you to who knows where you are fucking wrong!” I raised my voice and slapped the table.

“Doesn’t love count for something?” Merc said quietly.

“Love? This can’t be love. They just met a few days ago.” I scoffed and could see the hurt in all of their eyes at my statement.

“We’ve watched each other from afar,” Jules whispered.

“What you feel is lust . You two might be fucking destined – I can’t say otherwise, but I can promise you that this isn’t love. You don’t know each other.” I tried to get them to understand. But I felt like they were all looking at me like I had two heads.

Roam sighed and kissed Jules on the cheek. “We know each other. All we’ve done is talk late into the night. I snuck into his window last night.”

I looked at him like he was an idiot. “Then you really are a fucking moron. Do you have a death wish?”

“Ok… That was… not smart.” Merc tried to ease the tension, but then he turned to me. “I’ll give you that. But love is love, Ty. There are no rules. Sometimes, one glance is all you need to know. Maybe that’s what they have.” He sounded so fucking sincere it sent a chill up my spine.

“Love is a fucking lie. Love only binds you to someone who can destroy you with a word. It leashes you to fear and despair. You can’t eat love or be safe with love – because love is never safe, and it can’t fulfill you. It just leaves you aching and craving more.”

“Maybe we should talk to you about getting therapy.” Merc frowned. “I would disagree with everything you said.”

“Why am I not surprised? I think you’d argue with a fucking door.” I chuckled. Was I wrong? What was it about love that made me so scared of it?

Merc reached over and took my hand in his. It felt comfortable and safe, which made me tense up. “Love isn’t something that you can change. It’s not a fixed point on a bullseye that you have to aim for. It’s flexible and diverse and means something different to every person who breathes. Love is like the oxygen that gives us hope.”

“Hope is also useless and fixes nothing.” I shook my head sadly. I had hoped, and that hope had died a long time ago. It had been a meaningless exercise that had taught me a harsh lesson. The only person you could ever count on was yourself.

“Maybe Merc is right, Ty. You sound so depressed. Maybe you should talk to someone.” Jules hiccupped. “Ty, you are my best friend. My… only friend, really. Out of all the hos in the house, you are the only one I love. I would do anything for you. I know what love is. How can you tell me that I don’t know it when it has overcome every one of my senses? I breathe, and I smell Roam. I hear people talking, and I hear his deep murmurs in my ear. I may be a little fool . But I know this to be the most important truth I have ever known.”

“Ok… I can’t argue with you. I won’t.” I felt the tension slump out of my shoulders like I had let go of a boulder. It was out of my hands. I had to let Jules… be Jules.

“I’m not you. My heart was never hardened by the past. I crave this, and I have yearned for it. Now it’s here – with Roam.”

“Will you give me a few days to figure this out? I won’t let you be Paris’. I can at least promise you that.”

“I know. I trust you with everything that I am. Love , Ty. This is what love is .” Jules smiled sadly at me. “And I think you know much more than you are letting yourself know right now.”

“He’s much wiser than you ever told me.” Merc laughed. “So, we need to come up with a plan.”

The sound of his laughter filled me with a warmth that turned to a chill.

Escaping Cappie or Monty was impossible. But there had to be a way. If there was a way for Jules… Maybe there was a way for me.

Merc touched me a lot through the night, and when he looked at me, I craved it. I wanted more of it, and that scared me.

Love? How would I ever know if it was real or even existed?