Page 7 of Drawn to Love

“Miss Bennet?”

He was standing only steps away from the sofa, and she tried to jump to her feet and almost lost her balance.

“Forgive me for disturbing you. Are you well?”

“Yes, yes, very much so… I believe I fell asleep. Has my uncle returned too?”

“Yes. He has gone to refresh himself and rest before dinner. I am sorry I woke you up. I did not know you were here.”

“Do not apologise, sir. It is we who invaded your house, and I who invaded your library.”

“If that is the case, there has never been a more pleasant invasion, I assure you,” he said. His voice was hoarse, and a little smile twisted his lips and warmed his gaze.

“Thank you…”

“I hope you know I am being honest, Miss Bennet. I hope you will feel comfortable during your stay, and I promise I shall not impose on you with my presence…nor shall I say things you do not wish to hear.”

“Mr. Darcy, please do not assume that your presence would be an imposition. Quite the contrary. And please know that you may tell me anything. I hope our past disagreements at least gave us the chance of better understanding each other.”

“I hope that too, Miss Bennet. Very much.”

They were both standing, facing each other.

“Would you like to take a seat for a moment? Or would you rather leave?” he enquired, and she hesitated between what she should do and what she wished to do.

“I shall stay for a little longer,” she finally dared to say. “I hope you and Uncle had a pleasant time together.”

“Very much so. Mr. Gardiner is an excellent companion, and he caught a lot of fish. We shall have them for dinner,” he said with a smile.

“I am glad to hear that.”

“From what he related to me, I regret not getting to know your father better. I am sure I would have enjoyed his company too.”

“Very likely. He loves books and despises balls and parties too,” she jested. “In fact, I must take this opportunity to apologise for all my horrible and unfair accusations. I do not expect you to ever forgive me, but at least please know I am sorry.”

“Why would you apologise for something that was entirely my fault, Miss Bennet? What did you say that I did not deserve? I have been indeed arrogant, disdainful, and insensitive. And my intervention which separated my friend from your sister was equally unfair and unnecessary.”

“I shall not deny that, but the reason behind it was care for your friend. And certainly you did not deserve to be blamed for Mr. Wickham’s failures in life.”

“How could you have known? Wickham deceived many other people, including myself and my cousins for a while. When I discovered the truth, I tried to tell my father, but he took Wickham’s side, even in a situation of such extreme importance.

Wickham was the only reason my father and I ever quarrelled. It was quite a terrible fight.”

“How very sad… I can see you are still pained talking about it…”

“I was pained, indeed. And slightly disappointed in my father — a man I always loved and admired. Till the end, his affection for Wickham remained unmoved, but his faith was shattered. That is why he only left a recommendation that I might offer Wickham a living.”

“Considering your letter, you have been generous enough with Mr. Wickham.”

“I tried to support him, despite my opinion. I wished to believe that I was wrong and that my father had judged him more accurately. Unfortunately, Wickham proved me right. I can only imagine how much my father would have suffered from his betrayal.”

“He is the worst sort of man because he plays with people’s trust and causes them suffering.

Your father had the excuse of his affection, which made him believe all the man’s deceptions.

With me, not affection but vanity and prejudice were my weakness.

I believed him because he flattered me, unlike… ”

“Unlike me,” Mr. Darcy said. “Wickham always had the talent of speaking of feelings he did not possess and showing more goodness than he ever had.”

“Unlike you… The opposite to you,” Elizabeth whispered.

They were at a proper distance — she on the sofa, he on a chair — but Elizabeth suddenly felt nervous of his closeness. His intense, dark gaze warmed her body and troubled her breathing.

“I should go and see my aunt,” she said, standing up. He did the same, looking slightly worried.

“I hope I have not said something to upset you, Miss Bennet.”

“Oh no, not at all…I am very happy that we had this conversation, Mr. Darcy. I just… I think I need to go now.”

“Yes… I shall see you at dinner.”

“Thank you… I look forward to it with pleasure,” she said, then she felt silly.

Why would she look forward to dinner? She meant she looked forward to seeing him again in the company of her uncle, to protect her from further distress.

But she could not possibly say that; she barely dared to think it.

Elizabeth left the library, and in the hall, she breathed deeply. She could still smell his scent, and it made her dizzy.

She went to see her aunt; her uncle was sleeping in the other chamber of the apartment, and the ladies spent some time discussing the events of the day.

The doctor had still insisted on Mrs. Gardiner resting her leg, so she could not join them for dinner.

The lady refused Elizabeth’s offer to dine together, declaring she simply wished to eat and sleep.

It was obvious to Elizabeth that her aunt was trying to encourage her to be in Mr. Darcy’s company. She could not imagine what her uncle and aunt believed about her relationship with Mr. Darcy; they were intrigued, but they did not insist further upon the subject.

Elizabeth went to her room to change her clothes. It was still early, but she wished to take a stroll before dinner. She planned to go down the stone steps near the greenhouse, then down to the lake. The weather was perfectly warm, but a soft breeze blew gently.

From the balcony of her room, she was amazed to see Mr. Darcy near the lake with a woman and two children, who were playing around him.

She could hear their joyful voices but could not make out what they were saying.

From that distance, she could barely see the woman except that she was wearing the uniform of a maid.

Curiosity drove Elizabeth to hurry out of the house, but decency advised her not to intrude. Several minutes of struggle passed; she kept glancing at the little group until she saw two other people join them, then she finally left the chamber.

Stepping into the long hall, Elizabeth fought all sorts of feelings. She was curious, but it was more than that.

In a household with so many servants, the presence of children was certainly not unusual. But those children were playing around Mr. Darcy, appearing to be very familiar with him.

When she arrived at the lake, Mr. Darcy was gone, but the two children were still there, chasing each other and laughing, watched over by the same woman — probably older than Mrs. Gardiner — and a younger maid.

Upon seeing Elizabeth, the children stopped for a moment, then ran to her. They must have been around six or seven years old, very much alike — probably twins, though the girl had a lighter hair than her brother.

“Good day, miss.” The boy bowed, while the girl curtseyed rather clumsily but both ceremoniously.

“Good day,” Elizabeth replied in earnest, curtseying too.

“Jenny, Jacob! Come here! Don’t bother the lady!” the woman cried, hurrying to them.

“They are not bothering me at all,” Elizabeth replied, smiling warmly to calm the woman.

“I am sorry, miss. Come, children, let’s go back to the house.”

“Please do not leave because of me,” Elizabeth continued. “Jenny, Jacob, I am pleased to meet you. I am Miss Elizabeth Bennet.”

“Good day, Miss Bennet,” the boy offered, bowing lower, and Elizabeth’s smile broadened. The children were lively, well-mannered, and not shy at all. They looked strangely familiar to Elizabeth, and she wondered whether she had seen them before.

“Miss Bennet?” Mrs. Reynolds’s appearance interrupted the exchange; the children returned to their play, and the woman followed them while the housekeeper addressed Elizabeth.

“I hope the children did not bother you?”

“Oh no, quite the contrary. I have four cousins — one of five, one of six, and two a little older. Jenny and Jacob must be six or seven?”

“Almost seven, miss.”

“So they are about the same age as my cousins. What a delightful age!”

“Yes. Do you need something particular, Miss Bennet? I saw you from the window. Dinner should be ready in an hour.”

“I just wished to take a short walk, nothing else. Everything is perfect, thank you.”

“I am glad to hear that.”

The children’s voices were loud and joyful, and Elizabeth smiled.

“They are such lovely children. So sweet and pretty too. They are twins, I assume?”

“Yes.”

“And…forgive me if I am intruding…they are here with their parents, I presume?”

The housekeeper’s face darkened.

“Their mother died when they were born. She was only sixteen…”

“Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear that. Did you know her? The mother?”

“Oh yes. She was a maid here. I hired her myself, sadly…”

The housekeeper’s voice was so low that Elizabeth barely heard her.

“What a pity…so young…did she have family?”

“Indeed, she was a sweet girl. No, she did not have much of a family either.”

“And the children? Poor dears. They seem to be happy and healthy — I did not suspect such tragedy.”

“Fortunately, the master took them under his protection, otherwise they would have died of cold and starvation. He took the responsibility of raising and educating them, and hopefully, they will live decent lives.”

“Oh…how generous of Mr. Darcy.”

“Very much so. Most men in his position would not care. There are so many young women in similar situations that nobody cares much about them. Excuse me, I must leave you now, Miss Bennet — I still have unfinished tasks for today.”

With that, Mrs. Reynolds left, and Elizabeth resumed her planned walk. However, she barely noticed the scenery around her. She found herself captivated by the children’s story, without any particular reason.

The little Mrs. Reynolds had told her was concerning, even disturbing, and she did not know what to do with it.

A young maid, one of Pemberley’s servants, had been left with child about seven years ago.

Even the late Mr. Darcy had been alive then.

The mother had died, but what had happened to the father?

They were under Mr. Darcy’s protection — which was understandable since the maid was in his employment and he probably felt responsible. But how? In what way?

The children’s voices from the lawn reached her, prompting more and more questions and speculations to gather in her mind.

She could not concentrate enough to think properly, so her distress only increased.

The brief encounter with Mr. Darcy in the library had led her to believe there might be a new beginning to their relationship.

Perhaps a tentative friendship. Perhaps they could speak more of Mr. Bingley and Jane soon?

Perhaps they could speak more about each other in the future?

She did not dare assume too much, so she tried to keep her expectations — her hopes — under good regulation.

But that tragic story appeared from nowhere to stir her worries and turn into another obstacle to overcome.

Elizabeth returned to the house and joined Mr. Darcy and her uncle for dinner.

The two gentlemen were voluble and in obvious good spirits.

Her uncle spoke about his success in catching fish, but Elizabeth hardly listened to him.

From time to time, she exchanged glances with Mr. Darcy, though she spoke to him only briefly.

Eventually, she retired to her chamber rather early, but once there, she could not sleep.

She recollected the details of that day, her discussion with Mr. Darcy in the library, trying to guess the meaning of what he had said and what he had implied; then again, she turned the story of the children around in her head, wondering how she could find out more about it.

Perhaps her aunt could ask her cousins — surely such a story must be known in Lambton.

But did she have the right to enquire? Did she have the right to indulge her curiosity?

It was certainly not her business, nor her prerogative, to do so.

She should better know her place and enjoy Mr. Darcy’s hospitality.

She knew that was what she should do, but she could not.

Her mind was too alert to allow her body to rest, and, despite the opened window, she felt hot.

The hour was very late, the house was silent, but she still could not find rest. On an impulse, she decided that she needed a book to read, so she took a candle and went down to the library.

Her heart secretly hoped that she might find Mr. Darcy there, so when she entered and saw him at his desk, lost in some papers, she was not even surprised. When he raised his gaze to her — shocked, puzzled, with a slight frown between his eyebrows — she struggled to whisper an apology.

“Miss Bennet, please come in,” he invited her, standing up and walking towards her.