Page 10 of Drawn to Love
Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner arrived at Longbourn after three days on the road.
Mr. Darcy’s servants who had accompanied them showed perfect efficiency.
His valet was accustomed to the inns, likely from the frequent times he had travelled with his master, and he chose comfortable and clean places to stay overnight.
During the day, they stopped every few hours to allow Mrs. Gardiner to rest her leg.
The journey was torture for Elizabeth. Her fear for Lydia combined with a deep sense of sorrow and regret for what she barely dared to imagine could have been if she had remained a few more days at Pemberley.
Her feelings tormented and confused her.
In only a few days, her improved opinion of Mr. Darcy and remorse for how she had rejected him had turned into something so gripping and so deep that it completely devastated her.
Now that she wished — more than anything else — for a marriage proposal, she began to imagine how Mr. Darcy must have felt when he offered for her and she called him the last man in the world she could be prevailed upon to marry.
The painting he had given her and his involvement and determination in her delicate family matter should mean that her hopes of felicity were not completely ruined.
That his feelings for her were still tender could not be denied.
His behaviour since they had met again at Pemberley proved that.
Also, his regret and guilt for Mr. Wickham’s actions were obvious, and all that combined had induced him to take the trouble of going in search of the runaways.
But was it realistic to hope that he would renew his addresses?
A man so proud, with such a situation in life, to ask again when he had been so fiercely rejected, especially when, to all the other flaws of the Bennets was added the stigma of Lydia’s elopement with his worst enemy?
Would any man propose again under such circumstances?
Would anyone forget and forgive such offences and overcome all the other obstacles?
Was she even worthy of such devotion, considering all her errors in judgment?
She owned the greatest share of blame for Lydia’s imprudence.
If she had been wiser and not trusted Mr. Wickham, if she had not spoken so highly of him and had not pitied him for his ‘misfortunes’ in front of her family, Lydia would likely not have been so charmed by that man and thrown away her entire life for him.
Lydia was still a child, and a rather silly one, but she, Elizabeth, had been a complete fool.
In such turmoil, the two portraits from Mr. Darcy were her only consolation, but she only thought of them and did not look at them again, as she could not reveal them to her aunt. That would have only incited more questions which she was unwilling to answer.
When they finally reached Longbourn, they found true chaos. Mrs. Bennet spent her time crying, whining, blaming the entire world, and sharing reports of Mr. Wickham’s deceptions and depravations with her sister, Mrs. Phillips.
Mrs. Bennet was so distressed that the fact they had arrived in Mr. Darcy’s carriage went almost unnoticed. The servants who had accompanied them unloaded the luggage, then left for London immediately. While Elizabeth tried to comfort Jane, Mrs. Gardiner stepped in to take charge of the household.
“Dear sister, thank God my brother went to London to help Mr. Bennet! I fear the worst! That horrible man! I never liked him — I told the girls to stay away from him, but they never listen to me! Nobody ever listens to me!”
“Sister, you must calm down. We must try to bear the situation and hope that things will not end up being as bad as we fear now. We are fortunate to have Mr. Darcy’s support, which is invaluable. I am sure they will be found soon.”
“Mr. Darcy? Who cares about him? We all know that he despises us — he did not even want to dance with Lizzy at the Meryton assembly! I am sure he does not care if we suffer the most dreadful fate! I blame him too! If he had not refused to give Mr. Wickham that living, he would be a clergyman in God knows where, and he would not have eloped with my daughter!”
“Sister, please do not say things that might cause more harm,” Mrs. Gardiner said, trying and failing to temper her.
“I am telling the truth, Sister. And, speaking of clergymen, if Lizzy had married Mr. Collins, as she should have, we would not be suffering so much! We would at least not be homeless if Mr. Bennet dies! But I fear he will call Mr. Wickham out, and he will be killed in a duel!”
“I am sure there will be no duel, Sister,” Mrs. Gardiner responded. “Let us eat and then rest — we are all too tired to think properly.”
Later that evening, Elizabeth had the chance to talk to her sister in their chamber, and only then did Jane begin sobbing, relating the awful moment when they had received the dreadful news.
“Dear Lizzy, I felt terrible for insisting you not expose Mr. Wickham! But I comfort myself by hoping he loves her. He must love her — why else would he elope with her? She has no money, no connections, nothing to tempt him…”
“Dearest, I am glad you can find something to comfort you, but this cannot be true. Neither of us ever observed any partiality on his side — nor on hers! I believe he needed to leave in haste and took Lydia with him because she happened to be willing.”
“Lizzy!”
“Sadly, that is the horrible truth, Jane. I doubt Mr. Wickham will marry her unless he gains some advantages — which Papa certainly cannot offer him.”
“Dear Lord…”
“We must accept the truth, dearest, and prepare for the consequences of Lydia’s actions. Our entire family will be affected, and only a few honourable people will want to be connected with us from now on. We must learn to take care of ourselves.”
“But Lizzy, what about Mr. Darcy? Aunt said he is helping Mr. Gardiner?”
“Yes…we were at Pemberley when the letters arrived...”
“I know. I read your letter, and I confess I was shocked. Considering your past disagreements, I did not expect Mr. Darcy to show so much amiability and generosity.”
“I was equally shocked, Jane. I assumed he would never wish to speak to me again and would avoid me as his worst enemy. But he was so kind, so friendly, so considerate…”
Elizabeth became emotional, and Jane caressed her hand. “He must still love you, Lizzy…”
“He surely does not hate me…”
“And you? Do you still hate him?”
“I do not believe I ever hated him, Jane. But I disregarded him, and I held a grudge against him, first because he offended me at the assembly, then because I heard him chatting with Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst about our family in a most unkind manner, and I blamed him for Mr. Bingley’s departure.
But mostly, I was ready to believe him to be cruel for how he treated Mr. Wickham.
Between a man who offended me and one who always flattered me, my vanity chose to trust the latter, of course.
So, when Mr. Darcy proposed, I was stunned and angry and resentful. ”
“That is easy to understand, Lizzy. I cannot blame you for refusing him.”
“I do not blame myself for refusing him either, but I do blame myself for the manner of my rejection and for all the unfair accusations I threw at him, which I regretted almost immediately.”
“Your letter from Pemberley sounded very warm. You spoke very highly of him.”
“And deservedly so, Jane. If I only had time to tell you everything that proves his real character and his generous nature… I truly believe that he is the best man I have ever known.”
“And…do you believe he intended to renew his proposal?”
“I do not know what he intended to do. But I do know that Lydia’s elopement is an obstacle impossible to overcome.
Even if Mr. Darcy was ready to help Uncle find the fugitives, who would want to be connected in such a way to his enemy?
That would hurt not only his honour but his name, as well as his family.
I do not believe he will renew his proposal, Jane, and neither will—”
She stopped, looking at her sister, who had turned slightly pale.
“If you mean Mr. Bingley, I have long abandoned any expectation of seeing him again other than by mere coincidence. Mr. Bingley has become nothing but a lovely memory.”
Elizabeth wished to tell Jane about Mr. Darcy’s promise of providing Mr. Bingley with all the unknown details. But she chose not to and instead only embraced her sister.
What use could there be in troubling Jane’s heart and giving her reason for hopes that were far from reality?
Even if Mr. Darcy kept his word, the reports about Lydia’s elopement would soon be known to everyone.
Would Mr. Bingley wish to overlook them when he had not fought for Jane’s love before such impediments existed?
The day after their return, Mr. Gardiner’s carriage arrived from London with a letter for Mrs. Gardiner. It contained the news that the fugitives had been found. Lydia was at Gracechurch Street while they were negotiating with Mr. Wickham, who had several demands if he was to agree to marry Lydia.
We have tried the impossible to convince her to distance herself from the man, with the promise that we would find a reasonable solution to cover up this error.
But she declined quite angrily and would not listen to any other solution but marriage, whenever that may happen.
So now, we must deal with his claims. He has a long list of debts that must be urgently covered as well as the need for a new living.
We shall see how we reconcile what he wants with what we are willing and able to give him.
I would kindly ask for you to return to London; your presence would be of great help in dealing with Lydia.
Your loving Edward.
Mrs. Gardiner shared the contents of the letter with only Elizabeth and Jane, causing one to be enraged and appalled and the other grieved and ashamed.
“Hateful, horrible man! Poor, silly Lydia — she is condemning herself to a life of misery! If only someone would beat that man senseless! How dare he assume Papa will pay his debts! Is he out of his senses? How can he imagine ever being accepted by our family?”
“Calm yourself, Lizzy. I shall tell your mother that the couple have been found and that Lydia is safe. Your uncle has sent me the carriage, so he must truly need me. I shall return to town today, and I promise to send any news that I have.”
In the following hour, while the eldest girls helped Mrs. Gardiner and her children pack, Mrs. Bennet and Kitty filled the house with cries of joy.
“Oh, my dear Lydia, she will be married! How wonderful! She is not even sixteen yet and will be the first of you all to marry! And what a handsome husband she will have! I cannot wait to tell my sister Phillips and Mrs. Long and Lady Lucas!”
“Mama, you cannot tell anyone yet!” Elizabeth interjected harshly.
“First, because we are not sure they will marry! Lydia’s future handsome husband has demanded more money than Papa could possibly afford!
And even if they do wed, surely you have not forgotten all those terrible reports about Mr. Wickham’s dishonourable actions and faulty character! ”
“Oh hush, Lizzy, do not be jealous! I know Mr. Wickham was your favourite once, but now he likes Lydia better! As for his actions, any young, handsome man — let alone an officer too — enjoys playing cards, drinking, and flirting with girls! You cannot hold that against him!”
“Mama, your memory is painfully inaccurate,” Elizabeth responded, enraged.
“Mr. Wickham ceased being my favourite once I discovered his true nature and horrible habits, and I know Lydia will be miserable if she marries him. And her unhappiness will be our fault for allowing her to go to Brighton alone. She was too young to even attend balls and parties, let alone be left unchaperoned.”
“It is nobody’s fault that she likes ball and parties! She is such a pretty, joyful girl! Everybody loves her! And that is why Mr. Wickham liked her more than you!”
Jane’s attempts to calm Elizabeth were more successful than those of Mrs. Gardiner trying to temper Mrs. Bennet, who insisted that indeed they must marry.
Mrs. Bennet was happy with the outcome and ready to share it with the world.
That afternoon, Mrs. Gardiner left Longbourn, and two more days of increasing chaos and griping turmoil followed whilst they waited for new reports.
When they least expected it, they received a most unwanted visit from Mr. Collins. Mrs. Bennet ran to her room, refusing to see him, and Kitty followed her.
The burden was left to Elizabeth, Jane, and Mary; the clergyman declared he had come to personally express his feelings — as well as Lady Catherine’s — about Lydia’s elopement, adding, “Dear cousin Elizabeth, I must warn you not to expect another invitation to visit Hunsford at any time soon. Her ladyship said she cannot be connected in any way with such scandalous circumstances, and she has requested the same from my dear Charlotte.”
“This is tragic news, Mr. Collins, but somehow I shall live with the disappointment.”
Mr. Collins clearly missed the irony and continued, “It is a tragedy indeed, caused by your sister’s reckless behaviour. By comparison, your sister’s death would be a blessing. Even Lady Catherine agreed.”
“Mr. Collins,” Elizabeth replied angrily, “more than once I have disagreed with you and with Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and this is just one of the many occasions. We are all happy that Lydia is safe and sound, and her happiness is our main concern. We thank you for the visit, but, considering the circumstances, we understand your willingness to leave immediately.”
The clergyman looked puzzled and offended, and he attempted a reply, but in the end, he left with few further words.
After his departure, Elizabeth’s fury turned into torment; she imagined Lady Catherine’s response to the news of elopement.
The notion that her nephew would announce his intention to connect himself to the Bennet family seemed utterly impossible.
That evening, instead of the long-awaited letter from Mrs. Gardiner, Mr. Bennet unexpectedly returned home, causing an uproar among his family.
He barely spoke a few words, mentioned Lydia was well but as yet unmarried, promised he would provide more details later, and demanded privacy in his library.
“Lizzy, I wish to speak to you,” he said. “Lizzy alone — no one else! Now, please!”