Page 7

Miri

T he loud buzz of Miri’s phone dragged her out of a pleasant dream. There were cartoon demons with horns and tails fluttering around her and doing their best to fly right up her skirt. Maybe if she kept her eyes closed, she could go right back to sleep and find her dream again.

The phone buzzed again, the incessant vibration shaking her pillow.

“Does the sanctity of spring break mean nothing?” Miri groaned. Patting blindly through the bedding, she hunted down the rude device and accepted the call.

“Someone had better be dead.”

“What will it take to get you to bake emergencies cookies and bring them to me at work?” Nicole asked in a rush.

“Well, hello to you too,” Miri yawned. Her bestie couldn’t have waited until the sun was up to make demands for baked goods?

“Miri, this is DEFCON ONE.”

Ignoring the dramatic whisper, she squinted at the stabbing light of her phone screen and flipped through her notifications.

She stared at the number of messages waiting for her on MONSTR.

Nope, it was definitely too early to deal with thirsty monsters—quite literally, if there were any vampires trying to slide into her DMs.

In fact, it was too early for any kind of notifications. Flipping through her apps, Miri silenced her calendar alerts for the week. No one, not even an unnecessary bank holiday, was going to run her peace during her week off.

She blinked at her calendar spread. “Wait, why are you at work on a Saturday anyway?”

If Miri had five monsters at home waiting for her like Nicole, it would take a national emergency and a well-placed crowbar to pry her ass out of her house on her day off. It must be one hell of an emergency at the office.

“We’re in the middle of a big project. Everyone’s stressed and pulling overtime.” Nicole sighed, the exhaustion echoing from the tiny speaker. “I just heard the receptionist threaten to strangle my project manager with her phone cord. This is a war zone, Miri.”

Miri choked on her laughter. And she thought wrangling a small herd of five-year-olds was intense.

“Alright, drama queen. What kind of cookies do you want?”

“I don’t care as long as they have chocolate.”

Flopping like a fish, Miri began her journey to the edge of her bed. There was something to be said for the vast space a king-sized mattress offered, but it definitely wasn’t the most convenient setup when she was in a hurry… or had to pee in the middle of the night.

“What’s that noise? Are you okay?”

“Hush, you.” She rolled off the bed and stumbled upright, only the tiniest bit out of breath. “Okay, brown butter chocolate chip cookies, coming up.”

She already had some cookie dough pre-portioned in the freezer. Hooray for actually being prepared for once.

“You are a goddess with a heart of gold.”

“Stop kissing my ass, I already said yes,” Miri laughed.

Ending the call, she searched the bedroom floor for her discarded sweatpants. She dragged the stained material up her legs and twisted her frizzy curls into a bun. Miri winced. It was definitely going to have to be a wash day.

She took the stairs with more pep than usual. Nothing, not even an unexpected wake up call, was going to sour her vacation vibes. She went straight for the freezer and pulled out the frozen balls of cookie dough. Letting the oven warm up, she turned on the coffeemaker.

Miri sat down at the kitchen island and opened up her laptop. She eyed the waiting work emails. Opening them would not be very spring break of her. No, Spring Break Miri should be swiping through the profiles of sexy monsters while she sipped her coffee.

Did MONSTR work on her computer? She pulled up the website and grinned at the fangy logo. Apparently, one could swipe through profiles online too—how very accessible of them.

Miri read a couple of the flirty messages in her inbox before she went back to browsing single male monsters. She shuddered at the first profile. Way too bug-like for her. She wanted monstrous, not nightmarish.

She swiped until a familiar red face stopped her in her tracks. The bright red face smiled back at her, tattoos curling up his chin. Okay, smiling might be a bit of an overstatement, but Nico wasn’t frowning so she was going to count it.

Miri skimmed the likes and dislikes on his profile. Tattoos? No shit. She snorted into her coffee. It’s not like his full tattoo sleeves weren’t on display in every one of his profile pictures. Her eyes landed on the black ink that dipped under the collar of his t-shirt.

Her curiosity gnawed at her. Would it be too much to text him and just ask how extensive the tattoos on his chest were? Or if they went any lower?

“Yes, that is way too much, you thirsty ho,” Miri murmured to herself. If she didn’t get laid soon, her vagina was going to have to file for unemployment.

Settling for matching with his profile, she took a quick picture on her phone and texted it to Nico.

Miri

Look what I stumbled on today :)

Nico

Ma’am it is 8am. It is too early to be alive let alone swiping on dating apps.

Miri

It’s single o’clock somewhere.

Single o’clock? Single o’clock ? Miri groaned into her hands. Clearly, she should not be trying to flirt before her daily dose of caffeine had kicked in.

Opening up her browser, she typed in her search. How to unsend embarrassing text message ? —

Her phone dinged before she could hit enter. She stared at the little heart on her message. He liked her horrible flirting? Hell had truly frozen over.

Nicole texted her before the shock could start to sink in.

Nicole

I’m gonna need an ETA on those cookies.

Marta just offered to burn the office building down… she’s the head of HR, Miri.

If I don’t make it out of here alive, know that I love you.

Also, please delete my browser history.

Right. First cookies, then flirting. Okay, maybe a little flirting while they cooled. She wasn’t a masochist.

Miri balanced two to-go coffees on the container of cookies and pulled the door open. She took one step into the office building and stopped dead. Yikes. Maybe it was Nicole’s words replaying in her mind, but the tension in the office was painful.

She was sure it was her imagination, but the harried receptionist definitely did look more murder-y than usual. Skirting around the admin desk, she beelined for Nicole’s office. Miri crossed her fingers that her friend wasn’t in a meeting and pushed the door open with her hip.

She stopped in the doorway, her red brows soaring.

Had a filling cabinet exploded? Crooked stacks of paper covered every available surface, tiny mounds of shining paperclips acting as paperweights.

And in the center was Nicole. Slumped facedown over her desk, her dark hair spilling out of a haphazard braid.

“Whoa.”

Nicole lifted her head and blinked at her, purple shadows circling her eyes. She jammed a button on her phone.

“Marta, we’ve got the goods.”

“Thank fuck. I’m on my way.” The call dropped in a rush.

Miri slid the first to-go cup across the desk. A quick nudge and the box of cookies joined the latte. If she got too close, she was worried the glassy-eyed woman might take a bite out of her arm.

“For a second there, I thought you might be dead.” Miri shifted a stack of papers off the nearest chair and settled them at her feet. “There are some serious murder vibes in this building.”

“No shit.” Flipping the lid off the cookie container, Nicole inhaled deeply and groaned. “We’re in the middle of a massive project for the city and got hit with an IRS audit two days before the higher ups called for an efficiency audit too.”

“Whose moronic idea was that?”

Too busy shoving half a cookie into her mouth, all her friend could offer was a weak shrug. Her loud moan filled every corner of the small office.

“If you keep making noises like that, this is going to turn into an official Human Resources meeting,” Marta snorted. Kicking the door shut behind her, the curvy brunette unceremoniously dumped the papers off the only other chair in the room and collapsed beside Miri.

“I don’t even care. Fire me.” Nicole saluted Miri with a second cookie. “If I didn’t have five possessive monsters doing my laundry, I would marry you on the spot.”

And she wholeheartedly believed that. Nicole and Ashley had been threatening to take her off the market for years— usually after she handed them any baked good slathered in cream cheese frosting.

Miri had been forced to put a stop to their jokes after the two friends had gotten into a drunken argument about who would make the better sugar mama.

A waitress had nearly taken a shot glass to the head and they’d been banned from their third favorite bar. There were still days she could almost taste their famous blueberry mojito again…

“They can’t be that good.” Marta grabbed a cookie from the container and nibbled the edge. “Oh, my god. Fuck you.”

Miri laughed and passed her the second coffee. She beamed and silently patted herself on the back. There were exactly three things she was immensely proud of in her life; her job, her baking, and the way her ass looked in yoga pants.

Sadly, her butt was getting her far fewer marriage proposals.

“So?” Nicole wiggled her eyebrows.

“So what?” Was Miri supposed to be psychic now?

“You’ve been on a monster dating app for three days now and I’ve barely heard a peep out of you.”

Marta turned to her, delight brightening her pretty face. “You joined MONSTR and didn’t tell me?”

“It was a busy week,” she sighed. “And it’s not like I’ve done much besides go on a date or two. And one was an epic disaster.”

“There have been dates already?” Nicole waved her hand to shush the two of them and grabbed her cellphone. “Hold on, we need Ashley for this.”

She quickly scrolled through her contacts and propped her phone against a crooked stack of files on her desk. The blonde blinked into focus on the small screen. Miri squinted across the desk. Why did she look like she had been caught in the center of a tornado?