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Miri

H ow long did a girl have to be celibate before her virginity grew back? Was there a time limit on that kind of thing? Six months? A year? At what point was a flashing vacancy sign going to spontaneously appear on her belt buckle?

Sprawled across her best friend’s living room floor, Miri stared up at the ceiling and let her margarita induced pity party roll out the disco ball. Nicole had five boyfriends— five — and she couldn’t even find one.

At this point she was even willing to dive headfirst into a situationship just to have a reason to shave her legs again. One more week and she was going to have to take a weedwhacker to the growth on her ankles.

“Being single is not that bad,” Ashley argued from her perch on the couch. “It’s empowering. In this day and age, there is no reason to keep a man around except to take out the trash. All your other needs can be met with a YouTube tutorial and a one-night stand… or batteries.”

“Says the leggy blonde with a killer complexion.” Miri rolled her eyes. “I’m days away from forgetting the touch of a man.”

Nicole snorted into her margarita. “The touch of a man? Are you going to suffer from a bout of the vapors next?”

Raising her head from the throw pillow, Miri glowered at her snickering friends. Was it too much to ask for a little sympathy?

For all her talk of not needing a boyfriend, Ashley had no shortage of handsome men at her beck and call. And Nicole? The sassy wretch had hit the dating app jackpot. One night on a monster dating app and she had five hunky monsters at her fingertips.

There was no one to empathize with Miri in her sex drought. Between the hookup queen and the center of a monster sandwich, her two besties had no idea how rough it was to be a curvy, single woman in her thirties.

“I’m just saying. Dust is gathering between my—“ Miri’s words choked off as a pair of tight, grease-stained jeans passed in front of her. She followed the long legs up to a perfect ass and fought back a groan.

“Snacks!” the werewolf announced.

Miri swallowed her jealous sigh as he gently placed a bowl of cheese puffs in her friend’s lap. Nicole caught his chin and pressed a quick peck to his cheek.

“Thanks, babe. Are there any more margaritas?”

“ You drank all the tequila already!” a deep voice called from the kitchen.

“Pina coladas?” Nicole suggested.

“IS THERE ANY RUM LEFT?” Wes boomed back.

“ Half a bottle!”

“Pina coladas coming right up, baby.”

The handsome bastard tossed them a devilish wink and disappeared back into the kitchen.

“Does he have to be that hot?” Miri groaned. “Isn’t it bad enough some of us haven’t been laid in months, can’t he wear a bag over his head? Or throw on a sweater vest?”

“No,” Ashley sighed dreamily. She swiped a handful of cheese puffs and flopped back onto her pile of couch cushions. “Hiding all of that would be downright criminal.”

A singular puff sailed through the air and bounced off the blonde’s nose.

“Keep your French tips off my werewolf,” Nicole warned.

“Looking is free,” Ashley argued.

Ignoring them both, Miri sipped the dregs of her melted margarita.

Two horny shifters, a blushing fae, and a pair of obscenely rich vampires all wrapped around Nicole’s little finger… and they didn’t even care that she had cheese dust on her sweatpants. Her bestie was living the dream. The horny, pampered, monster fucker dream.

Lucky bitch.

“He has a brother…” Nicole started to suggest for the dozenth time.

“Not my type,” Miri sighed.

Not that there was anything wrong with a flirty firefighting werewolf with more muscles than good sense, but if Miri was going to dip her toes into the monster dating pool, she wanted someone a little more… well, monstrous.

Besides, finding a monster she was compatible with would be just as difficult as finding a man she was compatible with. Horns and fangs didn’t make someone any more lovable than the next guy. If it did, they would all be part supernatural creature by now.

The monster world had come out of hiding when her grandparents were still in diapers. After three generations out in the open, most barely batted an eye when they stumbled across a centaur in the produce aisle at the grocery store.

No, dating a paranormal monster didn’t guarantee a happily ever after. If it did, Miri would already be wading neck deep through matches on MONSTR every morning.

Miri groaned and shoved a handful of cheese puffs into her mouth. “Why can’t life be like a Hallmark movie? A quick little meet-cute, someone saves a Christmas tree farm, and then a neat and tidy happily-ever-after with, I assume, countless orgasms.”

“Well, for one thing, it’s March,” Nicole laughed. “If a Christmas tree farm needs saving already, then they’ve got bigger problems than orgasms.”

As if there was such a thing.

“Besides, endless orgasms isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Miri pushed herself upright and shot a look at Ashley. Did she really just say that? In a completely serious tone? Was Nicole having some kind of mental breakdown from too much dick?

“She’s kidding,” Ashley whispered. “She has to be.”

“Should we call someone? Like an exorcist?” Miri hissed back.

Clearly, Nicole was not inhabiting her own body. Her bestie of over a decade would never speak such blasphemy aloud. Maybe she was having a stroke?

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“None, you dork.” Shaking her head, Nicole dragged the snack bowl closer to her.

“I’m just saying, juggling five completely different men—monsters or not— can be a pain in the ass.

You reach a certain point where your bits start to chafe.

I had to declare Sunday my day off to keep those horny bastards off me. ”

Ashley shook her head, her blond bun wobbling. “It’s always the most ungrateful people who have all the luck. Do you know how much money I would pay to be dicked down on the regular by five hot monsters who do my laundry and mow the lawn?”

She twisted out of the way as a cheese puff sailed toward her head.

“Yeah, it’s all fun and games until you have permanent hand prints on your ass,” Nicole grumbled. Her dark eyes gleamed with good cheer, even as her tone darkened. “Besides, the sex really isn’t the problem?—“

“Obviously,” Miri muttered.

“They keep eating all my ice cream and drinking up my wine.”

Oh, yeah, fuck that.

“Throw them out,” she deadpanned. “Seriously, get those snack mongers the hell out of here.”

The wine was one thing—Nicole’s snobby vampires could only seem to stomach blood and alcohol, so Miri was willing to give them a pass on that one, but the ice cream? Was nothing sacred?

“If you’re going to shack up with monsters, maybe think twice about choosing shifters. Those bastards will eat you out of house and home.”

“Gee, thanks, babe,” a deep voice grumbled.

The three women blinked at the man in the doorway. Tall and covered in thick muscle that would be at home on a Viking, the blond man smirked at their gaping mouths.

“I always forget they have super-hearing,” Ashley whispered.

“Yes, because I totally needed super-powered shifter ear drums to pick up the drunken shrieks emanating from this side of the house.”

Miri quickly gulped down the rest of her margarita to hide her giggles. Of all of Nicole’s monsters, Drake was secretly her favorite. The were-cougar was the embodiment of a sassy pussycat… albeit, with swoon-worthy abs and a jawline that was a work of art.

“Sorry, babe.” Nicole fisted a handful of his t-shirt and dragged him down for an apology peck. “In my defense, though… you and Wes are garbage disposals with a complete disregard for leftovers ownership.”

He sighed as he straightened. “Is this about the chicken strips again?”

“Four chicken tenders and a container of good ranch, Drake! You ate them all!”

“You didn’t write your name on the container!”

Miri watched them volley back and forth, choking on her laughter. This is what she wanted. Sure, regular sex would be great, but this kind of intimacy? The push and pull of teasing and knowing each other completely? That’s what she truly craved.

It had been a long time since she’d felt those telltale butterflies in her belly. Since she’d had someone to cuddle up with and know that she was safe and loved beyond a shadow of a doubt.

A pang stabbed her chest. Miri rubbed her knuckles over her collarbone.

She wasn’t actually jealous of her friend. She loved Nicole—and Ashley— more than anyone in her life. They were the sisters she had always wanted, the two people that she would walk to the ends of the earth for… but that didn’t mean she didn’t get the occasional stab of envy.

For all of her whining, Miri knew that Nicole would rather eat a bowl of thumbtacks before losing even one of her precious monsters, and she wanted the same for herself.

“Hey, man—“ a dark head poked through the open door. Deep red skin darkened with a blush as the tall demon blinked at the drunken women sprawled across the living room. “Uh, I looked in the shed like you said, but I can’t find the blowtorch.”

“Alright, gimme a minute,” Drake sighed and dropped a light kiss on Nicole’s forehead. “You ladies need anything before I go?”

Just his friend’s phone number.

Miri studied the demon lingering in the doorway.

Dark, windswept hair tangled with his horns.

Black swirling tribal tattoos crept up his muscled neck and curled under his jaw.

It wasn’t the first time she had seen him.

Miri had spent more time eyeing Drake’s demon friend at last summer’s barbecue than she had actually eating.

Black eyes caught her curious gaze. He shot her a fanged grin and backed out the door. Drake followed after, letting the door swing shut between her and a demon who could only be the devil himself.

“Who was that?” Miri finally breathed.

“Nico.” A cheeky smile curved Nicole’s lips as she looked over at her. “He’s a friend of Drake’s. I think he’s some kind of artist… not sure what he needs a blowtorch for, though.”

For lighting her vagina on fire, apparently.

Miri crossed her knees and ignored the way her stomach was doing barrel rolls. Just how much tequila had Wes and Hawthorne dumped into those margaritas?

“I could get his number for you.” Nicole wiggled her eyebrows. “Stalk his social media and all that.”

“If that demon is single, I’ll eat my yoga mat,” Miri sighed.

There was no way in hell, heaven, or earth that a sexy specimen like that was on the market. The universe was just not that kind. The devil—whose name was Nico, apparently—was probably beating men and women off of him every time he dared step foot outside.

“If he’s not single, you could always try MONSTR,” Ashley urged. She fisted another handful of cheese puffs and shoved them into her mouth. “There are always other demons in the sea… or hell… or wherever they come from.”

Miri eyed the door between her and the smirking demon. Maybe one more dating app wouldn’t hurt…