Page 80 of Don't Tell Me How to Die

“So, you’re just giving up hope?”

“The only thing I’m giving up is chasing miracles. Did you forget about those last few weeks we spent with Mom? What was her biggest regret?”

She pursed her lips, refusing to say out loud what she already knew in her heart and her well-educated medical mind.

“Let me refresh your memory,” I said. “She knew she had a short time left and a lot of things she wanted to do, and she was kicking herself for trading it all away. She let the chemo suck the last bit of life out of her. I’m not going to do that. I knew this day could come, and I have a lot to do before I shuffle off.”

She picked up the bottle of wine and refilled our glasses. “So, are you planning to climb Mount Kilimanjaro or see the Taj Mahal?”

“No. That’s a bucket list. I have a things-to-do list.”

“Like what?”

“First, I want to spend all the time I can living like a normal human being and doing everything I can to enjoy my family while I’m still here.”

Lizzie nodded. “If there’s a ‘first,’ there’s more to the list. What else?”

“I want to find the woman who’s going to take my place.”

“As mayor?”

“No, as Alex’s wife. As Katie and Kevin’s Mom.”

“Are you... are you serious?”

“Yes. I’ve given it a lot of thought.”

“You’re gonna piss away the little time you have left to look for a girlfriend for your husband? Trust me, Maggie—he won’t have any problem. He’ll be surrounded by people willing to help lift him up, not to mention a hospital full of nurses happy to administer sympathy.”

“Oh... you mean like Connie Gilchrist was there for Dad?”

“That was different, Maggie. Dad was a blubbering wreck. Alex is made of much tougher stuff. He deals with life and death every day.”

“Other people’s deaths, Lizzie. But if I die, he’ll revert to that little boy who never got over the fact that his mother left him in a shopping basket and disappeared from his life forever. He’ll put up a steely exterior, but inside he’ll be as devastated as Dad was. The predators like Connie can smell that.”

“Maggie, it’s a noble goal, and I love you for it, but if you die, Alex will grieve, but he’ll move on. You can’t orchestrate what happens after you’re gone.”

“Lizzie, what do you think would have happened to our family if Connie had married Dad and took him for all he was worth?”

“Train wreck,” Lizzie said.

“Right. Dad would have taken the brunt of it, but you and I would have been collateral damage. And we’d still be living with the guilt that we didn’t do for Mom what she couldn’t do for herself.”

“Is Alex on board with all this?”

“No. I haven’t even given him my diagnosis yet. I need a little time to get my head together before I deal with his.”

“Okay, but what happens when you find... sorry, but I’m not calling her the next Mrs. Dunn. What happens when you find her? Do you bring her home one night, and say, ‘Hey, Alex, I’d like you to meet Maggie two-point-oh’?”

“I haven’t worked out the logistics, but I’m hoping to do what Mom did.”

“Oh my God,” Lizzie said. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

The night before Beth married our father, she sat down with the two of us and said, “I just want you to know that I have your mother’s blessing to marry your father.” Our mouths dropped.

“A few months before your mom died, she invited me to lunch. I’d been a widow for two years, and she asked me if I was ready to give it another go. I told her that I was ready for theconceptof another relationship, but I couldn’t deal with the thought of going back into the dating scene at the age of forty-two. She said, ‘Maybe I can save you some time. I think you and Finn would be perfect for each other.’

“I was shocked, but intrigued. We talked. I guess technically you might say we conspired, and eventually I promised her I’d find a way to introduce myself, but I would wait at least a year after she was gone.”