Page 39

TWENTY-NINE

AMOS

“Pretty sure the pot is clean.”

Sage’s voice startled me from zoning out. I had no idea how long I’d been standing there thinking about what Mickey told me yesterday. I hadn’t even heard Sage come home.

“Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? It hasn’t been that clean since I bought it. What are you thinking for dinner?” Sage opened the fridge. “We should do something with that ground turkey.”

“Pasta? Got any tomato sauce?” I moved to their pantry and scanned the tidy row of canned goods. There were several cans of diced tomatoes, and I remembered seeing a tube of tomato paste in the fridge.

“Sounds good. How about I make meatballs?” Sage pulled two small containers of fresh herbs from the fridge, along with ground turkey.

They turned on a playlist of 2000s hits, and we moved around the kitchen in a now-familiar routine.

Sage had no idea how much comfort their presence brought me, even if it hurt to keep this secret from them.

If my parents wanted Sage to know, they would have said something by now.

Odds were that Mickey’s dad would tell them he’d told Mickey, so maybe Mom and Dad would fast-track informing Sage.

I hoped that would be the case because this was a tough secret to keep.

While I diced an onion, they formed meatballs and sang along to an alternative rock song we used to play way too loud when driving in their car.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s going on with that job opportunity? Are you going to take it?”

Braxton had texted me last night to check in, and I still hadn’t decided. No, that wasn’t true. My heart had made a decision, and my brain kept second-guessing it, so I remained in a limbo of my own making.

“Ready to get rid of me?” I chuckled awkwardly.

Sage stopped molding a meatball and gave me their undivided attention. “Not at all. If I’m being honest, I love having you here. I’ve missed you.” They shrugged and resumed their work. “Just trying to be supportive.”

“Oh.” An awkward silence fell. “Thanks. I appreciate that. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I want the job. I’m not sure I want to go back to that life at all.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved to hear that.”

“Why?” I finished dicing the onion, carried the cutting board over to the stove, and swept them into a preheated pan.

“I guess I got this sense, especially over the past couple of years, that you weren’t as happy as you used to be. Like the job was taking a toll on you. That was my take from afar, anyway. You worked all the time.”

I snorted. “Like you don’t?”

“Sure, but my job makes me happy. Did yours?”

I sprinkled some dried herbs over the onion and stirred.

It was easier to have this conversation without having to look at Sage.

“I thought so at the time, but no. Not really. The money was nice, but it wasn’t as if I got to enjoy it.

” I stepped back so they could slide a baking sheet of meatballs into the oven.

“If you could do anything, what would it be?” they asked while leaning back against the counter with their arms crossed over their chest.

Just tell them. One less secret to keep.

I stared into Sage’s eyes. “Honestly? Run the diner. I love it.”

Sage’s head jerked back. “For real? I had no idea.”

“I didn’t either until I came home. When we were young, I loved it, but it wasn’t an option for me.”

They frowned. “What do you mean? Of course it was an option. It’s our family’s restaurant.”

This conversation needed a drink, so I pulled two ciders from the fridge. Sage handed me a bottle opener. I took a long swig, then mirrored their pose, leaning against the breakfast bar, facing them.

“I want you to know, I don’t blame you for anything, okay? This isn’t that kind of conversation.”

Sage winced. “That’s not ominous.”

“I say it wasn’t an option for me because as soon as I was old enough to start considering what I wanted to do with my life, the diner was already yours. Mom and Dad, but especially Mom, pushed me to look at colleges farther away and consider a different career.”

Sage ran their fingers through their blond quiff. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

I waved them off. “Nothing to be sorry for. There wasn’t any malicious intent on anyone’s part—I know that.

It just happened. Honestly, it never really bothered me, but now that I’ve hit this directionless third-life crisis, I’ve been doing more reflection.

Working at the diner is satisfying, and I love talking to all the people. ”

Sage laughed. “You’re great at it.” They paused and stared into the distance like they were considering something. Then their attention snapped back to me. “Let’s run it together.” The earnestness in their voice made me love my sibling even more.

“Sage, I appreciate that, but no. Sparky’s will be yours someday, and you’ve earned the right to make it your baby.

I’ve always loved the idea of working with you, but I think we’ve learned in the past two months that we have different ideas that don’t always align.

We both know we’d be one too many cooks in the kitchen, except neither of us are professional cooks, so we’d be arguing over everything else. ”

They smiled, but their eyes were troubled. “We could make it work. I’d love to run the business with you after Mom and Dad retire. I had no idea you’d ever be interested.”

“That’s the tricky thing. In theory, I’d love to run it with you, but on the other hand, I don’t want to?”

“Ouch.” They laughed.

I moved back to the stove and stirred the onions, then began adding the other ingredients for the sauce.

“It doesn’t have to be a diner. I could run another business where I could talk to people and be a part of the community.

It doesn’t have to be Sparky’s.” I tried to put words to the feeling I’d struggled to articulate to myself.

“It doesn’t feel like my place. I don’t know how to explain it. ”

Sage wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Does that mean you plan to stay?”

“I don’t know yet. I could keep working at Sparky’s for a while and crash here as long as you’ll let me, but I’ll get bored. I need more of a challenge.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “And I don’t know if that exists in Maplewood.”

“We’ll figure something out. You could stay here and commute to Montpelier or even Burlington until you figure things out. Burlington is a lot closer than Boston.”

A massive weight lifted from my shoulders at having shared this with Sage. I didn’t resent them, but I had a feeling that if I hadn’t talked to them about it, I might’ve reached that point someday. That wouldn’t have been fair to either of us.

We chatted about other job options for me while finishing dinner. When Sage opened a can of green beans, I checked my phone and saw a message from Mickey. Simply seeing his name made my pulse quicken.

Mickey: What are you up to tonight? If you’re free, I’d really like to see you, even for a little while.

And there was another secret.

“Hey, Sage? Can I tell you something? You have to keep it between us though. Sibling pinky swear.” I held out my pinky.

After dumping the beans into a pot, they hooked their pinky around mine. “Of course. What’s up?”

Before I had a chance to second-guess myself or come up with something else, the words tumbled out. “I’ve fallen for Mickey.”

Sage blinked slowly. “Mickey Brewer from Red’s?”

“The one and only.”

“There are so many conflicting thoughts racing through my mind right now.”

“Tell me about it.” I filled another pot with water and set it on the stove, then flicked the burner to high. “Go ahead and tell me how terrible this is.”

Sage moved around the breakfast bar and hoisted themself onto a stool.

“I mean, yeah, part of me is thinking that this is the worst thing ever. Red’s and Sparky’s?

How would that work? It would fuel Maplewood Matters for the rest of our lives.

But more than that, you’re my brother. All I want is for you to be happy, and if that person is the heir to Red’s, well, fuck me. But also, good? For you, I mean?”

Their uncertainty made me want to laugh, but it was validating for the scrambled thoughts I’d been sorting through over the past month and a half.

“We’re keeping things quiet, obviously. Just spending some time together. I’m not sure it’ll go anywhere.”

Sage frowned. “Why wouldn’t it?”

“Other than simple probabilities for most relationships? You said it yourself, Red’s and Sparky’s. Impossible. Not to mention the whole not sure I’m staying thing. The odds of it working out, even if I’m in Burlington, aren’t great.”

“The fact that you want it to work out means something. I’ve never gotten there with anyone I’ve dated.”

That statement pulled me up short. “That’s a good point.” I paused. “How do you think Mom and Dad would take it?”

Sage’s face turned thoughtful. “If you’d have asked me that when we were younger, I would’ve said they’d freak out. But sometimes I think the town cares more about the feud than our family does.” They shrugged. “I don’t know.”

They were closer to the truth than they realized.

I tapped a message back to Mickey. “On that note, I’m heading out after we eat dinner. Don’t wait up.” I winked.

“Gross.” Sage tilted their head. “Though Mickey is pretty hot. You could do much worse.”

“Good thing I’m the Flynn who got to him first.”

Conversation flowed to lighter topics as we ate dinner. In some ways, I felt relieved, but a heaviness swirled in my chest. There was so much uncertainty. The only thing I was certain about was that I wanted Mickey’s arms around me.