Page 70 of Dirty Beasts: Chance
Annika looks to Kelly. “Are you sure? I don’t wanna impose or…press my luck, I guess.”
Kelly waves her hand to dismiss Annika’s question. “Annie, come on. Of course you’re staying. You’re family.”
Annika blinks hard. “Just like that?”
“You never stopped being family, Annie. Never. I had to put up boundaries to protect myself, but I never stopped loving you. I just couldn’t have you in my life because it wasn’t healthy for me. Now that you’re back to being yourself, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Annika presses the heels of her palms into her eyes. “God, I’m so sick of crying.”
“You’re letting things out that you kept bottled up for years,” Kelly says. “You just have to let yourself process all this shit. It was gonna come out one way or another, at some point.”
Annika nods, breathing slow, deep breaths. “I know. I just…I’ve cried more in the last week than the rest of my life combined. It’s getting old.”
Luis returns to the kitchen, then, wearing gray shorts cut off from sweatpants with a USMC T-shirt—a gnarly scar is visible on his left thigh. He reaches into the fridge and pulls out a bottle of beer, then hesitates, glancing at Annika. “Wait, shit. I can have something else.”
Annika laughs. “I appreciate the consideration, Luis, but alcohol was never an issue for me. I can’t touch anything stronger than aspirin, and obviously meth, but I’m fine to have a few drinks, and you certainly can.”
He continues to hesitate. “You’re sure?”
Annika nods. “I’m sure. Alcohol has never triggered cravings for me. I promise.” She smiles at him. “But, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If it would make you feel better for me to not drink, I’m fine with that. This is your home. I’ve just made amends with Kelly. I’m not going to risk that over a beer.”
He nods, and then pulls out four bottles of a locally-brewed IPA, pops the tops, and hands them out. What follows is a meandering conversation. Kelly and Annika continue their attempt to make each laugh so hard they pee, and Luis and I swap war stories. Annika is true to her word, accepting a second beer but refusing a third, switching to a can of LaCroix. I’m nursing my drinks, which is overly cautious of me since I could drink a case of beer on my own and stay on my feet, but it’s a delicate situation and I don’t want to cause any issues, so it seems wisest to play it safe.
Eventually, Luis glances at the clock on the microwave. “I gotta get some sleep, I have a hearing at oh-eight-hundred.” He looks at Annika. “It’s really good to see you clean and healthy, Annika. I can’t tell you how many nights my wife has spent awake, worrying about you, wishing she could help you and knowing she can’t.”
“Luis,” Kelly snaps. “Don’t. We’re past that.”
Annika makes a face that’s not quite a smile, more of an expression of understanding. “It’s okay, Kelly. He’s allowed his feelings.”
Luis nods. “Appreciated, Annika.” He kisses Kelly as he leaves his chair. “Love you, babe. Have fun with Annika.” He nods at me. “Chance. Good to meet you, brother.”
“You too, Luis.”
The conversation winds down, then, and Kelly starts yawning. “I get up with Luis at the buttcrack of dawn, so I’m going to bed too.”
Later, I’m settling into the guest bed, and Annika is braiding her hair, sitting on the edge of the bed, gaze vacant, lost in thought. She’s in a T-shirt and underwear, fingers moving swiftly. Her posture is tense, her shoulders hunched.
I twist on the bed, swing my legs to either side of her hips and begin massaging her shoulders, digging my thumbs into the knots of muscle. “Jeez, mama. You got some crazy fuckin’ knots goin’ on here.”
She snaps a hair tie into place at the tip of her braid, and then slumps, moaning. “God, that feels good.” She lets out a sigh. “I guess I was more stressed about talking to Kelly than I even realized.”
“She didn’t make you work for it at all,” I say. “It’s obvious she loves you.”
“I was so scared she wouldn’t, Chance.”
“But she did. You can breathe, baby.”
I start in on the back of her neck, and she drops her head, letting it hang as I work my thumbs into the muscle. “Thank you,” she murmurs, after a while.
“For what?”
She pulls away, pivoting to face me, nudging me to lie down. When I do, she curls up against me, resting her head on my chest. “Everything…just everything. What you did with Alvin. Driving me all the way here. Being here with me and supporting me through all of this.”
“Anything you need, mama. Anything.”
She sighs. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.” She barks a bitter laugh. “Well actually, yes, I do. Alvin would have—”
I cut in. “But he won’t. He’s out of your life. Igotyou, Annika. No one is ever gonna hurt you again, I swear on my fuckin’ life.” I turn my face to her, kiss her cheekbone, her temple. “You’re in a new chapter. Good shit is coming for you. You got your family back, you got Kelly back. You don’t owe anybody anything. You’re safe. You can dream again.”