Page 63 of Dirty Beasts: Chance

“It was fuckin’ hot as hell, but I think overall I prefer a bed.” He grins at me.

“Me too. Car sex is always a lot more awkward and uncomfortable than you’d think, in my limited experience with it.”

There’s quiet between us for a while, companionable and easy.

“You, um…” he starts, trails off, starts again. “You said I was…beautiful.”

“Yes, I did.” I meet his eyes. “I meant it.”

He furrows his brow. Puzzled, perhaps. I’m not sure what he’s feeling, so I wait for him to speak. “Never been accused of that, before.”

“Chance…”

“Big, yeah. Obviously. Scary. Intimidating. But…beautiful? Never.”

“Well, you are.” I take his hand, thread our fingers together, palm to palm. “All of you is beautiful, Chance. For real. I mean it. But, just to be clear, what I said was, your cock is beautiful.” I grin at him. “But the rest of you is beautiful, too.”

He snorts. “Never heard a woman describe a dick as beautiful, before. That’s a new one.”

“Well, yours is. It’s absolutely perfect. To me, at least.”

He eyes me. “Tryin’ to decide if you’re blowing sunshine up my ass or not.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

He nods. “I guess I know you wouldn’t, at that.” He shrugs. “And I’m glad you think so.”

“I’m not like the other women you’ve been with, Chance. I’m not gonna get scared off.” I squeeze his hand.

“I’m starting to understand that.”

More silence.

A thought bubbles up, a question that’s been percolating in the back of my mind for a while now. “Chance?”

“Hmmm?”

I hesitate to put it out there. I’m scared of the answer. “We get to San Diego, I make amends as best I can with Kelly…then what? Not just for me, but…us. I…what is this, with you and me?”

“We go back to Vegas and…figure things out, I guess. We find you a job at the club—I’m not sure what, but we’ll find something.” He shrugs, looks at me. “As for you and me, and what this is? I don’t know, Annika. I’ve never…I’ve never been in a relationship, not a real one, not something I thought would last. But…you’re different. It’s different with you. I told you when we first met, I feel a connection with you. An emotional one, a mental one…and obviously we have a physical connection.”

“Chance, I…I don’t know how to…be in a relationship. I’ve never been in one either.”

“Then I guess we just take it one step at a time and figure it out together.”

My throat is tight. “You…but you want that. With me.”

“Fuck yeah, I do, mama. You think I’d be doing any of this shit for just anyone? Hell no. You got me out of the club for the first time in over two years, and I honestly wasn’t sure I’d ever leave. So fuck yeah, Nik—I want a relationship with you.”

Now that I’ve opened the box on my emotions, they’re spiraling, boiling. Questions, doubts, fears, needs—where before I was numb and shut down, feeling only the drive to survive and stay away from Alvin as much as I can, now I’m just awash with a maelstrom of feelings. And I don’t know what to do with them all.

He seems to sense it, looking at me, taking his hand from mine and squeezing my thigh. “Talk to me, mama.”

“I just…it’s a lot.”

“This whole thing? Or what you’re feeling right now?”

“Both.”