Page 33

THIRTY-TWO

The car is silent.

I’m sure Nadia is lost in her own thoughts, the same game of woulda, coulda, shoulda she must torture herself with every time she sees her daughter. She said she goes out of her way to see her, but why? Why does she inflict this torture on herself? Then again, I can’t imagine being in Nadia’s predicament or how she must feel.

I remain silent, thinking again about the secret that bonds us together. Nadia and I never told anyone what we did to my father, that we’re the ones who caused his crash. It was an impulsive decision that forever changed the course of my life.

“Have you ever told anyone about what we did back then?”

Nadia fixes me with a perplexed stare. “Of course not. I’d never tell anyone about that.”

And yet, hadn’t she been insinuating she’d let the truth come out if I refused to help her? As usual, I’m not sure which Nadia I can rely on. The girl who helped me when I needed her most, or the woman who threatened to use my deepest secret against me.

Finally, as we’re nearing the entrance to the school, I say, “You should come over for dinner.”

Nadia doesn’t answer right away. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Try to make me feel better because you feel sorry for me.”

Truth is, I do feel guilty, but not because of what Nadia has revealed to me. Rather, I’m ashamed of myself, that I judged her so harshly without ever considering what else she might have gone through. Since the moment she re-entered my life, I’ve judged Nadia through the same lens I’ve always used: a woman out for herself against all odds and at all costs.

What she’s just revealed to me juxtaposes that view. In giving her child up for adoption, Nadia has, arguably, done the most selfless thing a person can do. A mother can do. Choosing her child’s well-being over her own. It proves there are layers to my old friend I’ve yet to see.

“You’d be doing me a favor,” I say, recalling our tense argument about his conversation with the cops. “Things have been tense at home since Evie’s disappearance. It would be nice to have an icebreaker.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Nadia raises an eyebrow.

“Connor is a good man.” I have no intention of telling Nadia that Connor lied to the police. At the same time, I can’t figure out why Connor misspoke in the first place. It seems so unlike him. “It’s just stressful. On all of us.”

I leave Nadia’s car and enter my own. She follows me the short distance to my house. My eyes flicker to the rearview mirror, wondering if she’ll change her mind and take off in a different direction. But she doesn’t.

When we arrive, Nadia gets out of the car, her eyes appraising the two-bedroom house. I can almost read her mind as her gaze lands on the red front door, then the pristine white fence, stopping on the gray cobblestone walkway.

“How quaint,” she says, hands in her pockets. “Very cutesy.”

“It was a fixer upper when I first got it,” I say. “I’ve been updating it as I can through the years.”

“Must be nice having a man around to do the heavy lifting.”

“Connor isn’t much of a handyman,” I admit. “I did most of the renovations myself before he moved in.”

“You didn’t buy the place together?” Nadia asks. She sounds surprised.

I shake my head, turning the key inside the lock. “I bought this place ages ago. Connor only moved in after we got engaged.”

Nadia doesn’t say anything, but I catch an expression on her face. She’s impressed. It’s easy for her to write me off as the other half now. Engaged to a wealthy man, head position at a lofty private school. And yet, I’ve managed to hold tight to my independence. I have layers, too.

Connor is sitting on the sofa with his feet propped up. A baseball game is on the television. When he hears me enter, he puts the game on mute and turns around.

“Cass? I didn’t expect you home this soon.”

“The season is over. No more late practices,” I remind him. I’ll get into the ordeal with Mr. Lake and the rest of the team later. Nadia walks up behind me, and I point in her direction. “Babe, I want you to meet one of my old friends. This is Nadia.”

She steps forward, holding out a hand to shake Connor’s. He accepts, but his eyes dart toward me nervously. I’m not sure I’ve ever brought home a friend before.

“Welcome,” he says. “Are you friends from college?”

Nadia scoffs. “No. We go way back.”

“We went to school together,” I explain. “Nadia’s just moved back to town. I thought I’d invite her over for dinner.”

“Sure. I do get thrown whenever the season ends.” Connor rubs the back of his neck. “And now there’s all this mess with Evie.”

“I don’t feel like cooking,” I say, pulling open the freezer drawer to inspect what’s inside.

Over winter break, I take a day to do nothing but meal prep dinners. They come in handy on late nights after practices and games when I don’t feel like cooking. I do the same thing in August, before the new school year begins, hoping to give myself some options so I don’t subsist on takeout and pizza alone.

The name of the dish is written hastily on the front of the container. “Chicken and broccoli casserole?”

“I’m fine with anything,” Nadia says, taking a seat on the barstool beside the island. “As long as there’s wine to go with it.”

“Plenty of that,” I say, opening the cabinet to the left of the fridge.

Connor goes back to watching his game as I preheat the oven. Nadia quickly makes herself at home, digging through drawers until she finds a bottle opener. By the time I’ve put the casserole in to bake, she’s returned to her seat, two full glasses of wine sitting in front of us.

“So, any news?” Her voice is low, as though she’s deliberately trying to keep Connor from hearing.

“Not about anything related to her disappearance,” I say. I’ve lowered my voice, too. “I did talk to one of her teachers today. She told me there may have been more animosity between Evie and the girls on the team than I realized.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, there’s always been a healthy dose of competitiveness between the girls, and it’s no secret Evie is the best on the team.” I pause. “But they were bullying her. Making fun of her clothes and her lack of money.”

Nadia sips her wine. “Those little bitches.”

“Nadia!”

My first reaction is to scold her. They’re all just kids, after all. Then I remember what it was like growing up without access to nice things. Worse than that, to not have access to even basic needs. It’s something the girls at Manning Academy will never understand, but Nadia and I know all too well. The coach in me, the adult in me, wants to give the girls the benefit of the doubt. But the child in me knows exactly what Evie is going through, and soon I’m seething with the same anger that made me leave school early today.

“Do you think the bullying is connected to what happened to her?”

“I’m not sure.” I take a large gulp of my wine. “Right now, I’m just kicking myself for not picking up on it sooner. I mean, this is my team. I’m around them more than anyone else in the school. If things were this bad for Evie, I should have known about it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much. The other girls are smart enough to stay in your good graces. And I’m sure Evie didn’t want your pity.”

Nadia is right. The only thing worse than receiving someone’s cruelty is receiving their pity.

“Smells good,” Connor says, coming into the kitchen. He opens the cabinet and retrieves another wine glass. Pouring, he looks at Nadia. “Sounds like you two go way back. Why haven’t we ever met before?”

“I told you she just moved back here,” I say.

Nadia isn’t the only person I’ve lost touch with over the years, not that I had that many close friendships to begin with. My entire life, my goals have always revolved around basketball, getting the skills and grades I’d need for a scholarship. Once I got that, and my degree, my goals shifted, revolving around the teams I coached and how I could be there for my players. There isn’t much time for friends.

“We first met on the school bus,” Nadia says. “After her father?—”

“Nadia and I became close after both my parents died,” I say, cutting her off before she can say anything else. She gives me a look, but I ignore it, sipping my wine as I address Connor. “She was really there for me when no one else was.”

“Sounds like it,” Connor says, staring between the two of us. His eyes land on Nadia. “I hope you’ll make it to the wedding.”

“Please,” Nadia says, pouring more wine into her glass, “tell me all about it.”

“Taking place this summer at my family’s vacation home in Delaware. It’s going to be beautiful. Right on the shore.”

Nadia laughs. “You’re kidding, right?”

Connor makes a confused face.

“Cass hates the beach,” she says.

“I don’t hate it,” I say. “Travel has never been a big priority. I’ve only been to the beach a handful of times, but you should see this place. It really is gorgeous.”

“Well, you should be making travel a priority,” he says. “We have one hell of a honeymoon planned.”

“Do tell,” Nadia says, leaning back on her barstool.

“Right now, we’re going to be gone all of June and most of July. We’re going to start in Europe, hit all the big cities.” Connor cuts his eyes sneakily to me. “Of course, I’m hoping to push it further. I’d love to take about six months to travel, if I can get Cass to agree.”

“Come on,” Nadia says. “You mean to tell me you don’t want to travel the world?”

“I’m excited about the summer. And I’ve always wanted to go to Europe,” I say. “I just think six months is a little too long. It interferes with everything we have going on here.”

“What she means is it interferes with basketball season,” Connor says. “Everything in our lives revolves around that.”

“I guess that’s a good thing, right?” Nadia’s eyes move uncomfortably between Connor and me. “Cass has always wanted to coach.”

“Right.” Connor takes a sip of his wine just as the kitchen timer dings.