Page 42 of Diamond Desire
“Aiden?” I gulped more coffee before starting on the brownie; it was delicious, and with a slight streak of salted caramel through it, which made it even better.
“Nope.” She sipped her drink, big green eyes burning with amusement. “These are the ones you got me as a sorry for yellin’ at you present.”
My cheeks burned as I recalled the handful of nights earlier and our nonsensical argument. I’d handed Aiden my debit card after it with explicit instructions to buy something nice for Ruby. And sure, presents didn’t make up for being a dick, but it was better than nothing and I didn’t like feeling guilt. It was unfamiliar territory for me to experience that emotion and for as far back as I could remember; it had only happened a handful of times. With Ford, Lucia, Sapphire and others I had loved and lost.
With Aiden.
“I’m glad you like them.” With a sigh, I leaned back into the chair a little more, barely able to keep my eyes open.
I couldn’t remember the last time I slept, but I didn’t need to sleep. I could catch up on as much sleep as I wanted when my Diamond woke up and let me see her smile once more and promised me she was truly okay. Who fucking cared if my eyelids felt like sandpaper right now? I didn’t. It was fine.
“I love them.” Ruby yawned, too. “And don’t get me wrong, Ilikepresents. Presents are fun. But you don’t need to buy me things when you get mad or whatever. Especially when you get mad over somethin’ entirely reasonable.”
My legs stretched out further, almost reaching the side of the bed Sapphire slept on, bundled in white blankets and attached to far too many machines. Though I supposed she had less than she had earlier on. The doctors had taken everything but the IV from her skin and the heart rate monitors that werestuck to her chest. They reckoned she would wake up soon, but I didn’t believe them.
I wouldn’t believe anyone until my girl opened up her eyes and promised me she was here with her own words.
My jaw clenched, and I rubbed my eyes again. “I still shouldn’t have yelled at you, Ruby.”
She rolled her eyes at me again. I liked it and hated it equally. A part of me wanted to punish her for it, the rest wanted to laugh. It was infuriating, and I did not have the mental energy to figure it out yet.
“You found out your daughter was back, then dead, then alive, and you were tired as hell. It’s understandable why you got pissed off over nothin’, and we both know you didn’t mean it. You don’t need to get worked up over it.” Ruby stuck her tongue out at me as I brought my cup to my lips again.
“Still.” My coffee was almost gone already, and I was a little sad. It was decent and I would have loved a jug full of it.
“Still nothin’ – you can treat me like a normal human. Like one of your little soldiers. I’m not gonna go cryin’ over it.” She narrowed her eyes at me, but the effect was lessened when she yawned again and how she had the slightest issue of being unable to look scary for a single day in her life.
“You’re not a soldier. I’d never be that mean to you.” I replied. “I don’t do normal either; I just do what I want. So…”
She put her drink down on the little plastic side table, grabbing one of the dozen donuts she’d brought between her wickedly sharp pink nails. “Whatdoyou do, sugar?”
Leaning forward, I pulled her chair closer, using the momentum to snatch the donut out of her hand, taking a large bite before returning it to her.
Only to prove my point about doing what I wanted, of course. That was all.
“I don’t do emotional shit like most people. I’m over the top.” Ruby watched me as I sighed and tried not to sound like too much of a fool. “Basically, if someone is mine, be it family, friend or more, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Sometimes it’s murder, other times it’s presents. You might as well get used to it, seeing as you’re dating my boyfriend, and won’t be going anywhere for a while.”
Why didn’t I want her to go? I ought to have wanted her far away from me. Not in the hospital offering me kindness in one of the worst times of my life. It made no sense, and I wasn’t sure whether it was stress or stupidity, but something was off with my brain, and I wished it would hurry and fix itself.
She cocked her head as she continued to eat my stolen donut. No care for the fact I’d touched it too.
“You’d kill for those you love. I know that, and it’s easier to handle than gifts and any sort of money comin’ my way. So if you wanna go ahead and murder people for me, then feel free. I’ll make you a list.”
“I wouldn’t just kill for them. Their enemies are my enemies, their loved ones will come under my protection, and if they asked me to light the world on fire, I would pull out my lighter.” I paused a moment, swallowing hard as the sudden onslaught of emotion in my voice. “But sometimes violence doesn’t work. Or at least there is nobody to be violent too. In those cases, I throw money at the problem. Like when I make you mad.”
Sure, was it refreshing to not meet someone who wanted my money or power? Yes. But it was a weird feeling to me, and I couldn’t understand what was wrong. Ruby let Aiden buy her presents. She had spoken again and again about all the times she wasted her extra tips on new heels or things she couldn’t quite afford, and I knew she was broke. Or had been broke before I’d met her. It was hard for me to work out why she was so averseto being spoiled and why even the slightest bit of money coming from me made her feel so weird.
“Okay, but can you also try to see why I would have an issue with it?” She pushed. “Why, even though I love me some presents, I would rather have them just because. Not as a way to…” She trailed off and her sudden silence and the odd look in her eyes instantly clued me in.
My stomach dropped, throat got tight, and once again I found myself feeling a gross sort of emotion called guilt that I was not experienced with feeling. I was a fucking idiot and the fact I hadn’t been able to piece together the issue only showed just how off my game I had been for the last few months and how much of a douche I could be, even without meaning to.
“You think I do it to pay you into being nice to me again?” I said slowly. “Fuck. I wasn’tbuyingyou, Ruby. I didn’t mean it like that; I would never mean it that way.”
She forced a fake grin onto her face. “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”
“Doesn’t mean you like it, though.” I replied. “Yeah, shit. I get it. No more pity presents – I’ll only get you nice ones from now on. Presents just because.”
Why the fuck I was still going to buy her gifts was beyond me. Surely if I didn’t need to bribe her into not being a bitch about me and my asshole tendencies, then I would never need to spoil her again?