Page 38 of Diamond Desire

Then I would put my gift on something pretty, like a trophy stand for Beau or someone to eventually find.

“You need food.” Yumi tried to hand me half of a haphazard sandwich she had made, and though I tried to refuse, I didn’t do so for long.

I’d eaten the damn thing in three bites, eagerly watching her as she went to make another. It had been cheese, tomato, pickles and some ranch. A nasty combination for me and yet I hadn’t cared in the slightest. I was covered in blood and gore and grossness. Who cared if I didn’t enjoy the taste of the first proper food I’d had in far too long? Who cared if it was a weird as fuck combination of things that I didn’t think went together?

Who cared if I felt like I wanted to throw it all back up again before I bled to death on the kitchen floor?

“Feed yourself first, I-” There was a snort of laughter outside, and I instantly froze, body going stiff.

The only reason I knew it was real and not in my head was because Yumi heard it too and I recognized it.

Iknewthat laugh – I knew the man with the bright blue eyes, dark hair and ridiculous tattoos that coated his pretty, paleskin. The skin that had covered his delicious muscles that were one of the many strong things about him. The strong things like the way he hugged you every time, as though it was the last time he would see you and he wanted to imprint you to his body.

The laugh of a man I loved and thought was dead.

With my free hand, I grabbed a knife from the stand on the side and put a finger to my lips, trying not to accidentally stab myself in the face as I did. “Stay here.” My voice was rough, and each word sounded funny. But my grip on my gift was still strong and unwavering, and the knife was sturdy enough not to fall.

Yumi nodded, continuing with her second sandwich eating and making a third, as I carefully padded to the shut backdoors, pretending that each step didn’t make me want to throw up, or that I knew I was one second shy from passing the fuck out.

My heart was racing in my chest, but not in a fun way.

In the sort of way thathurt.

With a trembling hand, I slowly pushed open the backdoors, doing my best to be silent and calm. Like I wasn’t dying and scared and the tiniest bit hopeful that maybe, just maybe, things weren’t so bad now that I was home again. Maybe at least one of the men I loved had survived, which meant there might have been hope for the others – forallof them…

Two steps into the early morning light were all I needed to take before my thoughts were confirmed in a blissfully terrifying moment. The kind of moment where my heart pounded a little too hard, the blood that had left my body stopped being a minor problem, and the pain in my bones was enough to make me want to kneel.

I saw them outside. Talking and plotting, and working on Misha’s giant whiteboard. I saw my uncle, Ruby, and Widow and the others, too. I saw all of my men – every single one, even a shirtless and slightly bandaged Kody.

Alive.

They were all alive. They hadn’t left me. They were there and considering Yumi had disobeyed my orders and followed me; I knew they were real.

“Friends?” She whispered from behind me, but I couldn’t answer.

I didn’t know if I made a noise or if the darkness in my soul tainted the air. Either way, Beau’s head lifted as he reached to the little table beside his chair for a drink, and his eyes innocently glanced our way. I watched as he shuddered; his body jolting like he’d just been electrocuted. I watched as the drink in his hand shattered against the ground when the glass slipped through his fingers. I watched as his mouth widened and his eyes were blown wide and he jumped to his feet.

He had the expression of a man seeing a miracle and it was rather nice to witness, even if I knew I would not last longer than a moment more.

“Sapphire.” He choked on my name as the world around me tilted on its axis, taking me with it.

With a gurgling laugh, as blood felt like it flooded my lungs and my heart raced even faster, I let the lump in my hand fall, squelching against the patio with a sickening sort of echo I knew I would forever hear.

“I bought you a present,tío.” I wheezed.

Elaina’s head rolled a little until it hit the grass. Then it just stopped and stayed there, watching me. Everyone was watching me. Even the dead men I loved. But instead of doing anything remotely normal, or responding to Yumi who asked if I was okay as she grabbed my arm, I stared into my dead mother’s eyes and laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed and knew that there was no going back now.

I was a sinner, and I was happy to be one. I wasgladI was one.

I was glad to have hacked Elaina’s screaming head off with my father’s broken bone in her flesh until she was nothing but a pile of future bones that would never harm anyone again.

If darkness was evil, then consider me the depths of hell itself, because I would never be returning to the light. I wouldn’t be doing anything for a while as my body finally gave up, my heart reached the culmination of its beats, and Yumi didn’t have the strength to hold me up entirely as I hit the floor.

There was so much noise around me for a while after that. So many voices and words and nonsense I couldn’t make out. But none of it mattered because I had fucking won – I had won and I saw…. I saw the best thing ever.

Beau. His eyes. His smile. His concern. I fucking saw him and it wasn’t just him for a moment. My daddy was there. In the way he stared at me with too much love. In the way his lips pulled into a frown. In the way the tears streamed down his cheeks and he fucking said my name like a man at worship, talking to something he didn’t think he deserved or could ever live without.

I hadn’t lost my daddy. He was right there. He was reaching out to me and begging and crying and… and he was there for me. He was trying to save me.