Page 59

DELILAH

W hy the fuck am I embarrassed about someone else hitting me?

I didn’t do anything to him at first, but there’s a voice in the back of my head telling me that something is wrong with me because my own mother thought it was acceptable.

The stupid fucking chart was in Asher’s wallet, and he’d literally rub my face in it when I’d try to leave. No one in my life believed me. I slowly blink as I whisper, “Your dad didn’t believe me.”

I spent years afraid of Kane finding out, afraid that he’d see me the same way as everyone else and he wouldn’t believe me.

Is that how abuse continues? The punches and kicks stopped hurting after a while, but the fear of being seen as less got more potent with each bruise.

I was less afraid of Asher than I was of losing myself, and if I didn’t care then maybe I would have left him.

A lack of support and a mindset of caring about everyone else’s opinion that was drilled into me my entire life created the perfect storm to endure whatever he wanted to do to me.

Kane tenses as he leans closer, stopping before his lips touch my cheek. “My parents were idiots. They only wanted Asher and they never cared about anyone else.”

“Does your mom know you’re here with her family?”

He laughs, low and mostly air. “They’re both dead.”

“I thought she was in hospital.”

There was a time I thought Kane was incapable of telling a lie, but I was just a fucking idiot for believing him.

“Let me guess,” I sigh. “Another one of your fucking tricks, you crazy bastard?”

“Not a trick.” He tightens his arm around me. “She died in the hospital while I was there. My dad died before her, but they let her live until I declined their offer to take over everything.”

“They?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Rowan and Lennox. This shit is bigger than us, older than us too, and I didn’t know your parents were involved.”

I was right. I spent years searching for proof and I was fucking right that my family are fucked up. More than their need to hurt their children. It’s something deeper and worse. I always knew it, but there’s no satisfaction in being right.

I shake my head as I ask, “The police officer said that your dad was missing? Or was that another part of your lies?”

“Not mine. His body hadn’t been found yet.” He takes a deep breath. “As fucked up as it is, I’m glad you’re here with me,” he whispers. “The monsters around us have made us human, put our shit into perspective so that we can actually get through it without being pissed at each other.”

My laugh is automatic, shaking my entire body. “You were always optimistic, but this is going too far, baby.”

“Anything to stay sane,” he breathes out. “Anything to make you not hate me.”

I can’t hug him without hurting him, and I can’t lie when we’re slowly wading through the mountain of lies. So I say, “I don’t want to hate you, but I can’t stop it because I didn’t kill the boy I loved. You did. I loved you?—”

“Loved?” he whispers brokenly.

I just nod. “I killed Asher to save you and myself, but you broke us.”

“I’m sorry.” He kisses my cheek, leaving his lips there.

“But I’m not sorry at the same time because in those moments, as Asher, I got to have a chance of a life with you.

I’m fucked up, pretty girl. I’ll never be normal again.

There’ll be times when I think I can, but then you’ll touch me a certain way or the pain of that place will come back and I’ll hate you, even if it’s for a split second.

I’ll be unable to separate the fact that you caused this with the actions of the puppet masters who controlled it. ”

“I preferred Ghost,” I mumble.

Life was easier when I didn’t know who was behind the mask. I felt more of a connection with Ghost than I did with Asher. He knew me. I was safer when he wanted to kill me than any other time in my life.

“Me too,” Kane says, then kisses my cheek as he pulls me closer, so our sides are pressed together.

His breathing escalates, voice huskier as he slowly massages over my hip to my thigh.

“You always were even more beautiful when you were scared. The first time I snuck into your room was the day I knew it too. You nearly came without me even touching you.”

He kisses down to my cheek, and I remain still, allowing him to tilt my chin up so he can kiss my neck.

“I like being scared when I can trust the person scaring me,” I say more to myself than him.

Being able to control my fears is something that I wished that I could have power of.

As a child, I was helpless to the whims of everyone around me, but as an adult, I found a way to twist that emotion into something that serves me instead of constantly taking from me.

Kane doesn’t push his hand between my thighs or speak to me like shit. He continues softly kissing my neck as he promises, “I won’t hurt you.”

His voice drops as he fits his lips by my ear and the deep timbre vibrates through my body.

“But I won’t lie, I want to make you scream.

I want to push you out of that window with my hand wrapped around your pretty little neck so you’re looking up at the stars while I make your legs weak with my tongue buried inside you. ”

I’m hyperaware of my breathing as I cross my ankles together to stop myself from reacting.

“Then,” he bites my neck, sucking the sensitive skin between his teeth, making it harder for me to remain still, “when my face is soaked in you, I’ll turn you around, bend you over the ledge so you’re looking down at the drop while I fuck your ass and fill your cunt with my entire hand.

You’re so fucking beautiful when you’re stretched for me. ”

I audibly gulp.

“And when you’re too tired to stand, I’ll let you sleep.

Not for long though, because I’m addicted to you.

You’re like a weed, a dandelion growing through the concrete of my cells.

I’m incapable of resisting you. So, I’ll fuck your mouth and you’ll be so good for me, Delilah.

You won’t wake up or complain. You’ll take it and let me have your trust.”

Another gulp that he must feel, because he smiles into the crook of my neck.

“Then when you wake up and lie to me, I’ll wrap my belt around your neck to drag your sinful mouth up and down my dick because I know that the only thing you’ll be pissed about is not being able to remember what I do to you.”

My heart is racing when he’s only holding the outside of my thigh.

I stare out of the corner of my eye, watching the moon outshine the stars.

The glare hits the water in a distorted line from the horizon.

It’s a poetic tragedy that a sight so beautiful is only being watched by the monsters in this house.

Kane pulls my attention away as he asks, “Did you like the masks, koukla mou?”

“Ye-Yeah,” I stutter as he wraps his fingers around my thigh, pushing his thumb between the crease of my crossed legs.

“Which one? The bird from when you first dared me to kiss you, the clown that would make you hug me because you were scared of it, or the only one you left me with?”

I have a better question: how much fucking thought did he put into his planning?

I barely remember any of the movies in detail unless he mentions them.

No one would remember inconsequential shit.

They’re not exactly running on a reel of “things Kane and I have done,” so why does he think about them?

Silence is a better option. It will stop me falling into him, only to lose parts of myself. But he doesn’t allow it.

“You left me in that fire too. I might not have died, but I’ve been trapped in the smoke, and the gas mask allowed me to escape.”

Without turning my head, I recall a memory of my own as I whisper, “It’s what firefighters used years ago.”

It’s a stupid, insignificant memory from a school trip when we were ten. I dragged Kane away from our group because they wanted to look at boring shit. And just like then, he follows me, completing the memory with the barest information.

“Yeah, do you remember when we tried them on? You said it made everything look funny, like you didn’t really know what was in front of you?”

I nod. “And you looked good in it because you tucked the hose in your back pocket.”

“Did I still look good?”

“Yeah,” I whisper.

“Open your legs, baby.” He taps my inner thigh with his thumb. “I want to make you feel good while you know it’s me. Let me hear my name on your lips again.”

I don’t move anything other than my head and look at him. “I want to be the one to scare you now.”

His eyes harden along with his voice as he roughly shakes his head.

“Don’t. I’ll end up hurting you.” He softens, kissing my cheek then adds, “I don’t want to scare you right now.

I want you to come while you watch the stars again.

Will you allow me to worship you, to pray at the only temple I want to accept me? ”

“Your back?”

He lifts up on his knees so that I can see him fully, trailing his other hand across my jaw as he says, “I’ll pray for forgiveness with my hands, then when you accept it, I’ll submit myself to you with my tongue.”

Kane slowly turns my head so I’m staring out of the window, then lays back on his stomach as I uncross my ankles. The warmth at my side is more than physical when he kisses below my ear, “Thank you, my pretty girl.”

He chased me, held me at knifepoint, fucked me while my head was inside an actual dead body, but none of that is scarier than the softness he exudes now as he lays his cheek on my shoulder and massages up my inner thigh.

“Good girl, keep looking at the stars.” He moves further up. “You’re so beautiful and mine.”

Every movement is slow, gentle, teasing as he cups between my thighs and smiles against my chest. “Do you know what this means, koukla mou? It means you trust me, and I might have moments where I hate you, but I’ll never betray that trust.”