Page 7 of Desperate Temptations (Immoral Starts)

SEVEN

TRENT

I showered and left the hotel before he woke up. Ethan has always been a heavy sleeper, and I’ve never been more thankful. Last night was a whirlwind. I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around it.

When I flew out to help him confront his late wife’s lover, I never expected us to become intimate. I never expected that to ever happen, actually. I figured that ship had sailed a long time ago, and I’ve moved past it.

Finding the closest breakfast cafe, I sit at one of the outside tables and call the one person to ground me.

“Do you know what time it is?” she says, annoyed.

Pulling the phone away, I check the time and roll my eyes. “It’s barely ten for you. The kids should be asleep.”

“They are, but this is my time. My sit here and binge my TV with no one interrupting me time. And look at you, interrupting me.”

I smile, knowing her bitching is for show. Marie would pick up my call anytime, any day. “I need you to tell me this isn’t a bad idea.”

My sister is silent for a few seconds. “If you’re asking me, then it probably is but you really want to do it anyway.”

Blinking up at the gray sky, I blow out a breath. “I may have… messed around with Ethan last night.”

“I—wait, excuse me. That’s—Jesus, Trent. Why? ” Marie stumbles over her words.

A hollow laugh escapes my throat. “I don’t know! It just happened. I was jacking off and he?—”

“Spare me the details of what you do with your dick, please.” She groans. “Trent, you know I’m all for doing whatever you want. But Ethan…”

The ache growing inside has me squeezing my eyes shut as my sister continues.

“Do you not remember how hurt you got after high school? How you continued to get hurt every time he chose her over you?”

“She was his wife. I understood…” I say weakly.

She scoffs. “And what? She’s dead now, so you can swoop in.”

“Jesus, Marie.”

“Sorry, I’m just scared for you. You’ve loved Ethan your whole life, but don’t you think if it was meant to be, it would have happened a lot sooner?”

I frown, even if she can’t see it. Half of me agrees with her, but the other half still holds out hope. “Maybe. Or maybe he didn’t know exactly what he wanted back then. We were young.”

My sister sighs. “Trent, I love you. But I’m telling you in a I’m grabbing your face so you’re staring right into my soul type of way, this isn’t a good idea. You’re going to end up hurt.”

She’s right, of course. I know she is, but I know that if he initiates anything, I’ll be too weak to say no.

I’ve always loved Ethan from afar, and always respected his relationships while trying to move on from my crush.

So to have something that I’ve wanted dangled in my face, it’ll be hard to say no.

When I don’t answer, Marie tsks her tongue. “You’re going to do it anyway, I know you are. And when you get hurt, guess what?”

I grit my teeth. “You’ll be there to tell me I told you so.”

“No, I’ll be here to pick up the pieces, dumbass. I love you even if you’re fucking stupid. Goodnight, thanks for ruining my night with your whoring shenanigans.” She hangs up as I smile, shaking my head.

When I open the hotel door, my stomach is a storm of nerves. Ethan is on his laptop, pinched together eyebrows that relax when he sees me come in.

“Coffee. Thank god,” he says with a smile.

I hand him his cup and then head to my bed as his attention returns to his computer.

“So I think I found a firm that can help me with an emergency hearing. The problem is the courts seem to answer the quickest to protective custody orders, but I just want to test to see if she’s mine. ”

“That’s good. And if she is? What’s your plan then?” I ask, lying down and throwing my arm over my eyes. My body doesn’t feel tired, but my mind does.

He sighs. “I don’t know, but I don’t think I can just leave her if she’s mine. How am I supposed to go back to my life knowing that my biological child is halfway across the world and doesn’t even know I exist?”

“I don’t think anyone would blame you either way. Your wife hid her from you, you have a right to be in her life, or you can move on,” I say with a shrug, though I know my best friend would never abandon his kid.

“Is it bad that I’m hoping she’s not mine?

” There’s a crack in his voice that I ignore because I think he’s tearing himself apart for a clean break from this family.

But then it would also be closing the door on a relationship he’s been in since we were sixteen and coming away from it with nothing but bad memories.

“No, I think that would be the best case scenario.”

He glances up at me with shock. “You do?”

I nod. “Yeah, it would offer you the best chance to move on from all of it.”

Better option than getting drunk and pissing all over the garden. Ethan doesn’t say anything, sipping at his coffee and staring blankly ahead.

“Was last night awkward for you?” he asks, clearing his throat and glancing away when I look at him.

I sigh, sitting up in bed. “Honestly… no. Was it for you?”

Ethan’s jaw works back and forth then he shakes his head. “No. I… uh. Enjoyed it.”

My heart pounds, a nervous hum crackling under my skin. The base of my neck and down my spine lights with tension as I try to keep my breathing calm. “I did too.”

His head tilts toward me and our gazes lock, then his tongue sweeps across his bottom lip and I blow out a large gush of air. “I, uh. When we were younger, sometimes I wondered,” he says, his cheeks turning a hint of red.

I swallow down the ache in my throat. “Wondered about what?”

Ethan’s head rolls back and he stares up at the ceiling. “I guess what it would be like to hook up with you.”

My eyes close briefly and then I nod. “Me specifically or like other men?”

He lets out a small laugh before looking back at me. “Fuck, man. This is more awkward than last night. Uhm. I would say it was mostly you, unless you want to count some porn.”

I crack a smile and shrug. “Anything counts if you want it to. I think it’s pretty natural to be bi-curious. Sometimes I still find women I’m insanely attracted to and take a chance.”

“Really? You never really tell me about them.” Ethan stares at me in shock.

I shrug again. “I knew Lynds didn’t appreciate hearing about my adventures as she put it. So I kept it to a minimum.”

He frowns, his jaw flexing as he clenches his teeth. “I never realized how much of a fucking bitch she was.”

“I think that’s the point when you love someone. You’re kind of oblivious to their flaws.”

His eyes study my face. “You ever been in love?”

My heart shudders and I look away, my tongue dragging over my lips. “Uh… I don’t know. I thought I was, but I don’t know.”

“I didn’t know that. What happened?”

I shrug, swallowing down a laugh. “They were in love with someone else.”

Ethan is quiet for a few moments before he clears his throat. “Did you mean what you said last night?”

“What part?” I ask, my stomach twisting with nerves

His cheeks grow a little pink. “About me. That you’ve had thoughts about doing things.”

I look away from him, clenching my jaw and running a hand through my hair. “Why?” I finally say. I wasn’t ready to admit that, unless I knew why he wanted to know.

Ethan shifts where he’s seated and sighs. “I think I want it too.”

My head snaps to him, studying his embarrassed face. “You think?”

“Yeah, I think. I don’t know, Trent. That’s all I can say. That last night when you were saying all that shit, it made me really fucking hard, okay?”

Nerves course through me and I steady my breathing. “So what? You want to… like mess around? Friends with benefits kind of thing?”

Ethan swallows harshly, his head tilts back as he stares at the ceiling. I wait the few moments he takes to respond.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship. You’re all I have left.”

My heart squeezes tightly in my chest as I try to decipher what he’s trying to say without saying.

I clear my throat. “You’d never lose me.”

He looks over at me. “Even if after… I don’t want anything more?”

“Even then,” I say, nodding slowly.

He probably doesn’t believe me, but it’s true.

It’d probably be a little awkward at first, but I’m confident we’d work through it.

Ethan and I have been at each other’s sides since we were kids.

If I can put up with his witch of a wife, then he can work through the tense ground after the end of a situationship.

“I get it. You just want to release some tension, right? Not looking for anything serious?”

Ethan’s eyes shift over my face, his eyebrows furrowing a bit. He doesn’t answer and I turn my attention to the window, overlooking the city. We sit like that for a while and he pushes off the bed.

“I’m thinking of getting some lunch. Wanna come with or you want me to bring you something back?”

My shoulders rise and fall. “Whatever you want.”

He blows out a shaky breath. “I don’t know what I want.”

I know he’s not talking about food anymore and I stare at him with raised eyebrows. “Well, you think you can tell me what you don’t want if the opportunity arises?”

His tongue sweeps across his lips and he nods. “Yeah, I think I could.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay.”