Page 16 of Desperate Temptations (Immoral Starts)

FIFTEEN

TRENT

Clicking through the photos, I nod and smile before giving the couple a thumbs up. “Let’s break for a few minutes and then move to another spot in the park. With the sun going down, I want to get it at the right angle.”

The soon-to-be bride grins and walks over to me. “Sounds good. We’re going to walk back to the car and grab some food, you mind?”

I shake my head.“Not at all.”

“Want us to grab you anything?”

I smile. “I’m good, thanks for asking though.”

She swats at me. “Marie would kill me if I didn’t take care of her little brother.”

My sister scoffs, coming to stand next to me and grabbing the camera to switch out the SD card and battery. “Please, my brother can take care of himself just fine.” Then she grins at her best friend. “The photos are stunning, Bre. You’ll love them.”

Bre hugs her briefly then looks back at me. “Thanks again for doing this. Marie tells me you have like a year's long waitlist.”

I shrug. “If people want to call it a waitlist, I kind of just pick and choose what interests me. But you’re as good as family.”

She smiles, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “Thank you so much, Trent. Call us if we’re taking too long.”

I walk with Marie to the bench and sit down with a sigh. She watches me with her hands on her hips, a strange expression on her face.

“What?” I ask, stretching my back against the rough wood.

My sister narrows her eyes. “So what happened with that date last week?”

A small swirl of anxiety ricochets in my chest. “What date?”

“The one with that guy from the bank.”

I shrug. “Didn’t work out.”

Marie sits next to me, her hard gaze studying me. “Did you cancel or did you stand him up?”

I give her an offended look. “I’d never stand someone up.”

Her shoulders lift and fall unceremoniously. “I don’t know anymore, Trent. The man who came back from London is a shadow of my brother.”

My heart aches and I turn away from her. “This is where you tell me I told you so.”

She leans over, resting on her head on my shoulder. “I told you I’d pick up all the pieces, but my glue only holds for so long. You have to eventually want to be pieced back together.”

I blow out a jagged breath. “I thought I was strong enough to withstand whatever fall out came from it. I really did.”

“I know,” she says softly.

A broken laugh echoes in my chest, and hot tears sting in my eyes.“The worst part is… I just want to know he’s okay. He could call me anytime and I’d pick up. I’m that desperate for him.”

“Trent, as long as you’ve known Ethan, you have been in love with him.

He is so deeply embedded in your bones, that even I believed you were meant for each other.

When you said you guys started hooking up in London, I was so happy for you, but I was afraid.

And I don’t say this to hurt you… but I think you were a little selfish to pursue him right after Lyndsey’s death. ”

My throat aches, and I flinch at her words. I glance at my sister, seeing the despair on her face and know it hurts her a lot more than me to say that.

A half-smile graces my lips. “Why do you think I’d pick up his call? I know it’s not his fault he ran, Marie. He found out the love child wasn’t his, effectively cutting off that family from his life, and two hours later I told him I loved him while his cock was in my ass.”

She heaves, a forceful gag coming from her mouth. “What did I tell you about the detailed summaries? Please spare me the imagery.”

My tongue drags along my teeth as I grin harder and shrug. “He’s got a pretty dick. I think of it often.” I break out into a loud laugh as Marie grimaces and groans.

“Thank you for that, Trent. The next time I see Ethan, I’m going to be thinking about his large cock.”

My humor sobers up and I swallow. “You think we’ll see him again?”

Her eyes soften. “Yeah. You two could never stay away from each other for long.”

I stop short, staring at the abundance of rose petals and candles lit around my apartment. On my coffee table is a stack of gifts, but my attention is on the person standing behind it.

Ethan stands there with a bouquet of flowers. He blows out a long breath as he watches me approach him. Swallowing down any emotions, I force my heart to even its beats and nod at him.

“Hey.”

His lips curl into a soft smile. “Hey yourself.”

My mouth twitches to grin back. “You break in?”

Ethan shrugs. “Marie gave me the key”

I shake my head. “Of course she did. No wonder she was extra nosey today. What are you doing here?”

“I ordered that Italian place we used to love if you are hungry,” Ethan says, then he extends his arm, handing the bouquet to me as his tongue sweeps across his bottom lip while ignoring my question. “It’s a little selfish, but I hope I’m still the first to ever buy you flowers.”

Warmth swirls in my chest as I grab them and swallow the ache in my throat. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re the first. Is this a date?”

He nods, his fingers flexing at his sides. “I hope so, but more importantly, I want to say I’m sorry.”

My eyebrows raise and I frown. “Sorry? For what?”

Ethan lets out a hollow laugh. “All of it? But especially London.” He holds up his hand when I open my mouth to reply. “Don’t. Don’t tell me it’s okay,” he says, giving me a small smile. “It wasn’t, Trent. You said you loved me and I left without a goodbye.”

I pull the flowers closer to my chest, watching him silently. It had hurt, but maybe I’d grown used to it because even now, I’m more worried about if he’s okay.

He swallows, glancing around at nothing before looking back at me. “I spent the last six months in therapy. My mind was all kinds of fucked up, but I needed help to sort it out.”

Nodding, I try to control my breathing, not daring to hope that he’s here for anything but to apologize and we can move on.

“Did it help?” I ask.

He shrugs and I grin. A weak laugh escapes him.

“Kind of. I don’t know, I don’t think I’m going to quit anytime soon,” Ethan says. His eyes drag down my body and back up to my face. “But I did figure out one thing.”

My eyebrow raises, my heart squeezing painfully in my chest. “Yeah? What’s that?”

“That I don’t want to live a life without you in it.”

Air whooshes out of my lungs and I clench the flowers tighter as he steps closer.

“And not just as friends. I think that’s why I ran. I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I love you too. And I think a part of me always has.”

I swallow, remembering the pain of waking up alone that morning in London.

Ethan’s eyes watch me with despair. “I’m a coward, okay? You said you loved me and it scared me after everything I had just been through. But I didn’t hate it either, I just didn’t know what to do.”

I lick my lips. “I understand, Ethan. I do, but waking up… and you were just gone. And I was blocked.”

He winces. “I was afraid if I heard from you, I would turn right back around. And I needed time to think for myself.”

“I would’ve given you the time…”

“I’m not sure I would have taken it,” Ethan says with a sigh, looking away from me.

My eyes track to the coffee table. “So first date, huh? And you show up with flowers, romantic lighting, and gifts. How ever will you top it on our anniversary?”

His attention snaps to me, his eyes wide with hope and amusement. “They’re not what you think. Like I said, I had a lot of time to think over the past year and I realized something.”

My eyebrows raise, my attention fully hooked. “Yeah? Well, don’t keep me waiting any longer. I’m starting to like all these epiphanies.”

He grins, moving to the boxes and grabbing the smallest one. It looks big enough to hold a watch, but he opens it and pulls out a baseball. Ethan tosses the box and holds it up for me to take. I turn it over, expecting some player’s signature on it, but it’s empty.

“When we were sixteen, you took me to my first baseball game,” he says and I inhale sharply, clenching the ball tighter.

“It wasn’t a big deal to you because your grandpa took you all the time, but it was to me.

And god, you made sure it was the best day ever.

Getting us the best seats, all the snacks and sodas I could ever want, and then you caught a foul ball.

You didn’t think twice before handing it over, and I remember thinking…

god, if that had been me, I would have never given it away. ”

“I figured I’d always have another chance,” I rasp, my throat aching with emotion.

He nods. “Yeah, I know. You were also selfless like that. I think that’s the first time I felt like you meant more than just a friend.”

My lips quirk a bit. “Like a brother?”

He shrugs. “Maybe, or maybe I was a little confused back then, thinking I could only possibly love one person.”

I clear my throat and look back at the baseball, then at the other gifts. “You kept it all this time?”

“It means a lot to me.”

“What’s in the other boxes, Ethan?”

He lets out a soft laugh before opening another one revealing my letterman jacket. My mouth drops open.

“I thought I lost that.”

Ethan’s fingers flex around it, as if he’s having trouble parting with it. “When we went camping those two days before you left after graduation, you lent it to me when I couldn’t find my hoodie. It smelled like you for weeks after.”

I lick my drying lips. “You smelled it?”

“At the time, it was weird not to see you every day and it comforted me.”

I blow out a breath, and nod at the next box. “What’s that one?”

Ethan sets the jacket down carefully before blowing out a breath and grabbing the box. He hands it to over to me as I put the baseball down to open it.

I pull out the scrapbook and flip to the first page. My nose tingles with the need to cry. It’s a photo of us when we were twelve at our first football practice, Ethan’s arm slung over my shoulder, and I have a large goofy smile on my face.

“My therapist suggested I do something with my hands to keep my mind busy. Your sister was kind enough to give me all the photos she could find after she tore into me.”

I smirk, catching his eyes because I know Marie has a vicious tongue. “I’m glad she didn’t scare you off.”

Ethan scratches the back of his neck. “She may have threatened me if I tried again, but I needed to hear it. I knew her heart was in the right place, she doesn’t mess around when it comes to her brother.”

Rolling my eyes, I scoff while my chest warms because I wonder how long my sister knew about Ethan’s plan to come back. And how she still didn’t discourage him, or even us.

“You know she told me I was an idiot for hooking up with you in London,” I say with a smile.

Ethan laughs, nodding. “Yeah, she told me.”

I snap the book shut and blow out a breath, while he watches me with hopeful eyes. “I don’t want your apology.”

His face cracks and my heart can’t take it, so I move to him and rest my forehead against his.

“I don’t want your apology because we were both wrong, okay?

No matter what she did, she was your wife, the woman you loved, and she had died.

And less than a couple weeks later, I had you in my bed and I was confessing my love.

Ethan, I don’t blame you for what happened, I shouldn’t have taken advantage?—”

“You didn’t?—”

“Shh. I did. You were vulnerable emotionally, and I wanted you so desperately that I refused to be selfless and think about what you needed more. You were a fucking bastard for how you left, no lie about that. But there’s nothing you need to make up for, okay?

If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this on equal footing. ”

He shudders, his ragged breathing fanning across my face. “We’re going to do this then?”

“Yeah, yeah I’d like that a lot.”

I moan when he crushes his lips to mine.