Page 26

Emma found sleep impossible that night. She tossed and turned and dozed a little from time to time, but never found restful sleep.

Colton’s declaration of love had totally taken her by surprise.

Looking back on when she first met him, she had thought his standoffish behavior was due to his dislike of her.

Now she knew it was because he had feelings for her.

It was admirable that he didn’t act on them or challenge Tommy’s place in her life, but at the same time, it was a strange feeling to imagine him desiring her for himself.

When dawn finally lit the horizon, Emma gave up trying to sleep. She sat on the edge of her bed, contemplating all that Colton had said. He was obviously of a mind for them to marry.

The thought complicated things more than just a little bit.

Emma had finally gotten used to the idea that she would live in Cheyenne—that this, and not Dallas, would be her home for the rest of her days.

She had figured that in time she might remarry.

The thought of having a family of her own appealed more and more.

She wasn’t even entirely sure why. Dealing with Clara’s brood had been difficult, but there was also the tenderness she observed.

Her sister adored her children. She had once told Emma that they were everything wonderful about her and David.

All the goodness of their love was given life in their children.

The idea touched Emma in a way she couldn’t explain.

It was always there for her to see, but until now, she hadn’t appreciated it.

Perhaps in settling her adventurous spirit, she had come to see what was truly important in life.

Then there was the possibility of Rosie marrying Robert Vogel, and if not him, then perhaps someone else. She was a lovely young woman with a great amount of love to give. Rosie certainly didn’t need to spend the rest of her life keeping Emma company.

But marrying another of the Benton brothers wasn’t at all what Emma had in mind.

Now having him here in Cheyenne really served to confuse matters.

She couldn’t imagine having him around and not wondering what he was thinking or planning.

Every time she looked at him, she’d know that he was in love with her and wanted to marry her.

“But I’m not even out of mourning,” she murmured to herself. Perhaps she should be. After all, she didn’t feel like a wife lost in sorrow.

She got up and went to the armoire her stepmother had found for her, but instead of reaching for one of her black gowns, she chose a brown skirt and white blouse. It was nothing overly ornate, but definitely symbolized Emma putting aside her mourning.

Would that say too much to Colton? She wasn’t yet ready to urge him on in his feelings.

She placed the skirt and blouse on the end of her bed and stood back.

She didn’t want to give Colton—nor any other man—the wrong idea.

She wasn’t looking to find a beau or mate.

She hadn’t even come to terms with the past. There was still so much yet undone.

She sank onto the bed and lightly fingered the lace-edged collar of the blouse. Tommy had been gone for almost three months. She knew what he’d say. He would have condemned her decision to wear black in the first place. He would have told her life was too short to go around in mourning clothes.

Thinking of mourning clothes, Emma couldn’t help but remember Stella Mikkelson all dressed in black, a heavy veil hiding her tear-filled eyes.

Poor woman. How she must have suffered. She must have been so afraid.

Emma had never held a grudge or felt the slightest bit of anger toward her.

The fact was the entire situation still didn’t seem real.

Emma remembered it all so clearly, as if it had been yesterday.

Stella walking toward them, stopping and pulling back her veil.

Then she raised the gun at Tommy. Emma had been facing Tommy, but Stella’s actions had caused her to look away.

Stella’s expression was one of absolute heartbreak.

This was a woman who had loved and trusted, only to realize her feelings were all one-sided.

And now she was dead, as well as Tommy. Emma wondered if someone was mourning her. Perhaps her parents? Maybe siblings?

Getting to her feet, Emma gently rehung the skirt and blouse in the wardrobe, then took up one of the black gowns. She would hide in the shadows a little longer. She would wear black for Stella as much as for Tommy. There was no sense in encouraging any man to show her extra attention.

After she finished with her hair, Emma made her way downstairs.

Mrs. Olson had Saturday and Sunday off, so Emma would be responsible for getting the meal and coffee going.

She added wood to the stove and soon had a nice fire going.

Checking the coffee box, she measured out beans and ground them before getting the pot and filling it with water.

Once the coffee was on the stove, Emma turned her attention to breakfast. They were going to work hard this morning, so she wanted to make a hardy meal.

“I thought I heard someone down here,” Lucille said, coming into the kitchen. “Do you have an extra apron?”

“The ladies from the sewing circle made me new ones. They’re in the third drawer down.” Emma pointed.

Lucille retrieved an apron and tied it on. “What can I do to help?”

“I was thinking that flapjacks, scrambled eggs, and maybe ham instead of bacon would be filling and keep the fellas going until lunch.”

“Sounds perfect. Would you like me to handle the eggs and ham while you make the flapjacks?”

“That would work well. I just got the coffee on.”

“I told Rich to sleep in a little longer. We told Gary he didn’t need to show up until seven.”

Emma smiled. “I was hoping all of you would stay in bed and get a little extra sleep.”

“We women aren’t always able to take the extra time when it’s afforded us, are we?” Lucille smiled. “You’re up awfully early yourself.”

“I know. I couldn’t sleep.”

“What had you so restless?”

Emma went to the cupboard for flour. She didn’t feel like sharing her confusion with Lucille. “I suppose just all the excitement of yesterday. The party and all. I had a good time. I hope you did too.”

“I did. I was a little concerned that perhaps you would have a difficult time. I know you’ve been worried about running across people you offended. Did that happen?”

“There were some there that I thought I should probably say something to, but after the first couple of people told me they couldn’t remember what I’d done, I stopped. Maybe it’s not a good idea to bring up the past. Maybe most folks aren’t as grudge-holding as I figured them to be.”

Her stepmother nodded. “Maybe not. Maybe let them be the ones to bring it up. That way if it’s weighing them down or troubling them, they’ll be able to come to you.”

“But the Bible says in Matthew five that if you bring your gift to the altar and then remember that your brother has something against you, you should leave the gift and go be reconciled to them. I think there are a lot of folks out there who have a right to hold something against me.”

“Having the right to hold something against you and actually doing it are two different things. I know people who might have wronged me in the past, but I let go of my right to demand retribution. Maybe others have, too, and don’t hold anything against you.”

“Maybe, but I’d like to know for sure. I thought about talking to Reverend Bright about it. Maybe I could offer an apology at church. You know, make a public confession.” Emma shook her head. “I just don’t know who I’ve offended ... well, I know some, but others are less obvious.”

Lucille came and put her arm around Emma’s shoulders.

“Pray about it and trust God to direct. Your heart is yielded to Him, and your desire is to be reconciled. God will guide you to the right people, at the right time. Then you can apologize or whatever you feel is right to do. Don’t let your contrition get bogged down in guilt.

So often guilt just festers into anger or weighs you down in regret. It makes you ineffective.”

“Thank you. I know you’re right. I will commit this to more prayer.”

“Good. Now let’s get busy. Those fellas are going to show up soon and expect to be fed.”

Colton made his way to Emma’s house wondering, as he had throughout the night, what she might be thinking or feeling. He hadn’t meant to just blurt out his feelings to her the night before. Once said, it was all he wanted to talk about. It was clear Emma didn’t share his desire to discuss, however.

She hadn’t expected his declaration. He knew that much.

He could see it in her eyes. She’d been a widow just three months, and in normal circumstances, no decent man would approach with intentions of marriage.

He felt bad for having put that weight on her shoulders.

He blamed his brothers and their constant push for him to secure the majority stock for the family railroad.

Colton felt certain that Emma would listen to whatever advice he gave her regarding the railroad sale, but his brothers were far more skeptical.

Up until now it hadn’t been that urgent, but after his meeting with the Union Pacific, things were starting to move forward with new momentum.

He would definitely need to discuss the railroad with Emma as soon as possible.

Colton knew she was more practical now, more mature. Once he explained a matter, she would make good choices. But why should Walter and Ernest believe that? She hadn’t been that way when she was being courted by Tommy. The twosome had been irresponsible most of the time. Tommy even more than Emma.

When Colton reached Emma’s house, he saw Rich and Gary were already standing in discussion out near the garden shed. Colton made his way over to them, cutting across the backyard area.