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Emma could see a weariness in his eyes and wondered what was troubling him so much. Perhaps it was simple grief, but if it was something more pressing, maybe she could help.

“You look like you have something weighing on you.”

Colton leaned back in the chair. “No more so than any other time. There’s a lot of business to deal with, and losing Tommy has been such a shock.

I never figured to bury my little brother.

It won’t be the same without him. As much of an irresponsible knave as he could be, I loved him.

I will miss our talks. Tommy could be quite thoughtful, as you know.

His insight was sometimes astounding. The loss will be immense. ”

Emma finished slicing bread, then reached for the sauce.

“I’m truly sorry. I know you cared for him more than anyone.

Tommy knew that too. He told me that you were the only one he could trust in the family—that you were the only one who cared about him as an individual.

Which seems evident by the fact that your brothers seem far more worried about my inheritance than Tommy’s death. ”

“Walter and Ernest were always closer to each other than Tommy. They’re serious-minded regarding their business dealings. I must allow, however, that both of them pay very close attention to their own families, although perhaps more out of obligation and society’s watchful eye than love.”

“Well, at least there’s that. But again, they have each other and their families in which to find comfort. You don’t have anyone, it seems.”

Colton shrugged. “Since I was a boy, I’ve always had to be the strong one as the eldest brother. Our father trained me up that way—told me one day it would be my responsibility to see to all the others once he was gone. He wanted me isolated.”

“That’s a lot to put on a child.”

“I suppose it was, but then again someone had to do the job.”

“Still, I’m sorry. I prefer to see children have a chance to enjoy childhood.

We’re burdened with responsibilities soon enough.

When I was young, I have to admit, I was indulged.

Too much, in fact.” She shrugged and continued focusing on the sandwiches.

“I wanted to have fun, to live life like it was one big party. I found that same attitude in Tommy, so we fit well. Tommy said I was the only woman he’d ever met who wasn’t pursuing a husband like it was a life-and-death matter. ”

Colton chuckled. “I can hear him saying that.”

“I wasn’t looking to get married or fall in love.

In fact, Tommy and I both agreed that such things weren’t needed in order to enjoy life together.

We only married because ... well, Tommy wanted more from me than I felt I could give without the benefit of being married. ” She felt her cheeks grow hot.

“But you did love each other. I know Tommy loved you.”

“In his way, and the same was true for me.” He looked at her oddly, and she smiled.

“Does that shock you? We understood how we felt and what was important to each other. It wasn’t at all conventional, and I don’t know that I could ever hope you’d understand.

But that’s why I’m not angry about Stella.

” She looked up. “There were probably a great many Stellas.”

“How can you not be enraged? Your husband, the man who pledged his life to you, was cheating on you with another woman.”

Emma gave a long sigh. “I know, but I also know it meant nothing to Tommy. Only I meant enough to him to marry. The others did all they could to convince him to choose them, but Tommy wanted me. I have that thought to comfort me despite how much his betrayal hurt.”

“But it’s not enough. That’s not what love and marriage are about. You deserved more than that.”

Emma thought Colton sounded almost angry. “It was enough at the time. And I agree it’s not what most people consider when they think of love and marriage. I guess I really never thought of myself as needing a conventional marriage or love.”

She wished she could explain how things had changed with her. Colton probably thought her so unfeeling, so lacking in commitment. But what could she say? That was who she was before her brush with death.

“I know you don’t understand what I’m saying.

I hate who I used to be, Colton.” She placed the sandwiches on the plates.

“Tommy and I neither one had much sense. We only knew about having a good time, and only my prudish morals brought me to the altar. You can hate me if you want to, and I’ll understand because I hate myself.

At least, I hate the woman I used to be. ”

“I don’t hate you, Emma.” Colton reached over and took hold of her hand. “I could never hate you.”

She felt her breath catch in her throat.

The way he was looking at her caused a strange feeling to course through her, but Emma ignored it.

She searched for something to say in reply, but the words wouldn’t come.

Thankfully, the teapot began to whistle, and Colton dropped his hold on her.

Emma hurriedly cut her sandwich into fourths.

She didn’t understand the things she was feeling or the thoughts that were coming into her head.

Everything was so different now that she allowed herself to have a conscience.