Page 65 of Demon Heart: The Complete Series

ROMAN

S ince losing Grandma, I often questioned the morality of my work.

I brought this up with Xavier as we stepped off the elevator.

“You were doing your job.”

“Yeah. I was. My choice.”

“You were trained to do it. You did your duty.”

Trained to be an ADU (Anti-Demon Unit) agent initially, then moved on to become the Shadow.

“And now look at me,” I said.

“You’re changing, evolving. That doesn’t mean you have to seek out some sort of redemption for being an assassin.”

Many of the marks I’d taken out were killed as a matter of security, of protecting the public. Okay, so maybe not so much the queen sending me on the failed attempt to assassinate King Basile, but most of the other deaths were necessary.

The morality of my work was up for debate—including in my own head. However, if I let, say, the leader of a terrorist cell go ahead and attack the ADU building in Shepherd’s Bush, many lives would be lost. Instead, her entire group were wiped out by me cutting her down. Threat dissolved.

Unnervingly, the queen was now a terrorist herself. I guess. I wasn’t sure. Man, I hated thinking like that.

Loyalty isn’t so easy to shake off.

“You deserve to be free,” Xavier said. “You deserve to change. You don’t have to spend your life seeking redemption.”

He made me feel free, giving me a taste of what it felt like to choose a life unchained from the rules.

And I never said I wanted redemption.

“There’s too much power in my chest,” I responded. “I have to stop it.”

“Without you dying.” A stern, firm answer. “Because you are not dying over this.”

Neither of us knew how this would play out. This device might have a shelf life and cut out all of a sudden. It might tick its last tock in an hour, in a year, in fifty years. Only time would tell.

Yeah, yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

“I don’t know what to do,” I said, my brain feeling like scrambled eggs.

“I do, Roman. I know exactly what to do.”

“You do?”

He took my hand, entwining his fingers tighter with mine. “Yes. You’re going to bathe and rest and recharge with me by your side.”

The demon led me off the elevator into a forest bathed in blue starlight, a cliff face jutting out of the trees towering above us.

The dark mouth of a cave at its base brought goosebumps to my skin along with the tickle of the ever-chilly air. Tendrils of steam curled around its edges, enticing me with the promise of hot water.

I pulled my disgusting jumper back on. “It’s a friendly cave, right?”

He chuckled. “You do make me laugh, Roman.”

“Not on purpose. That is steam, right?”

“From the hot spring.”

“There’s a hot spring?”

“Awaiting your body, yes.”

Ismael stepped out of the darkness, the past Xavier following.

“Welcome,” the prince said. “It is good to see you…” He paused, taking me in. “I want to say it is good to see you are well, yet…” Another pause.

I finished the moment for him. “But you can’t quite get there? I get it, Your Highness. I look a mess.”

“Apologies for my rudeness.”

“Why be sorry over the truth?”

He smiled, facing Past Xavier.

The other spider demon did not smile in return. His attention locked onto my hand in his future self’s.

I let go. We really needed to be careful about how we presented ourselves to these two. Because, weirdness aside, that must hurt both of them to see this.

I stepped to the side to put a bit more space between us.

“Get inside,” Mean Xavier ordered, vanishing into the darkness.

So gruff.

“We have cultivated supplies,” the prince said. “Water, clothing, food. You can rest and decide what your next move will be.”

“That’s great. Thank you.”

He nodded, following Past Xavier inside.

“Are you okay?” my Xavier asked.

“Are you?” I countered.

“Shall we call it a draw?”

“Huh?”

“We’re both not okay. Draw?”

I chuckled lightly. “And you said I made you laugh.”

Damn this. Why couldn’t I be left alone with him to melt into a gooey puddle.

Please let me be a puddle.

Embedded within the black, rocky structure of the cave were other rocks of light. Scattered throughout the tunnels and the three chambers, they cast enough white light for me to see my way around.

The first chamber, closest to the entrance, housed the hot spring—a large, clean pool of bubbling water and steam. The second and third were smaller, warmed by the spring, and surprisingly dry with the second chamber containing a chest of goodies.

“Will you be staying here with us?” Xavier asked himself.

The grumpy demon shook his head. “We need to get back to the palace.”

Ismael touched a rock. “I wish we could stay and talk, but there is no point in hearing anything about the future.”

“I guess not,” I answered.

“As much as I want to know about the two of you, the two of us, I have no right to know.” He glanced at his Xavier.

“In all honesty, I have considered commanding you to reveal all to me, to even torture information from you. But my heart cannot bear it. Even if you are a witch, it feels wrong.” He closed his eyes.

“The best thing for us to do is to return to our lives and hope for a return to normality.”

If he knew his father would be killed by a warlock soon, this wouldn’t be happening. The hate train would be full steam ahead.

It took some serious guts for the prince to make this decision, especially with us holding tantalizing answers. You had to admire the guy.

“Because you are a kind soul,” Past Xavier told him softly.

“Removing ourselves from your presence destroys temptation,” Ismael added. “My tolerance is weak. I cannot withstand it for long, especially…especially seeing you both together.”

“Thanks for being…” I stopped myself. What was the point in talking about this anymore? This was the best outcome.

“There are robes there.” The prince pointed to a pile of clothes and some soap next to them. “There are towels within that pile too, and you have already seen the chest of food.”

Yeah. Lots of bread, cheese, dried meats, and waterskins. Very fantasy-novel chic, the prince having waxed lyrical over the smoked cheese in particular.

“Thanks again.”

“I wish you both luck.” He hurried out of the cave, a crack in his calm, smiley energy.

Poor guy.

Past Xavier went to follow, pausing his heavy strides to say, “I suggest you keep out of trouble and get back to your time as soon as you can.”

“We’ll try,” I answered.

My Xavier said nothing.

The other one grunted and hurried after his prince.

I sagged with some relief. “At least that’s one problem tied up.”

“I hope so.”

“Do you think they might come back? Change their minds?”

“I have no idea.” He folded his arms, incredibly tense. “I’m hoping this will be wiped from their memories with enough distance from us.”

I took a step toward him. “I wish I had a spell to help.”

His eyes seemed to have glazed over, falling away to explore some painful memory.

Knowing when to leave well enough alone, often requiring space to process things my own shit, I stripped and stepped down into the hot water.

My body thanked me as I submerged myself up to my chin, letting out the longest and loudest sigh I think I’d ever mustered. Every muscle unwound, the steam filling my nostrils, so clean as I drew deep breaths.

Bliss. Absolute bliss.

I moved to the edge of the pool, grabbed some soap, and got to work on my face and hair. It smelled of vanilla, the exfoliating granules an extra dose of heaven on my skin.

I scrubbed the blood, the dirt, every layer of nasty away, lathering up. Reveling in the repetitive action, focused on it, saving everything else for when I left this bath and had no choice but to face reality again.

I heard a gentle splash and saw the water around me rippling.

I turned to see Xavier in the pool, soapy bubbles licking at his waist. He slid down into the water, going under, returning seconds later, smoothing back his wet hair.

The spider jewels on his wrists glistened in the white light.

Two in each wrist—sapphire and emerald in his left, amethyst and ruby in the right.

There were four more on his spine. They became his eight spider eyes whenever he shifted into his tiny arachnid form or the huge one.

Weirdly, even as the droplets ran down his chest and abs, his whole naked aesthetic mega hot, I didn’t want to jump his bones.

Kind of. I mean, deep down I did, but this wasn’t the time or the place.

“That mark is still tainted,” he said.

I inspected the butterfly tattoo. “And it will stay that way so he can’t find me.”

“He can do more than that.”

“Huh?”

“What did he tell you about the mark?”

“That he can use it to follow me. With it tainted, he can’t.”

He moved past me, grabbing some soap. “The mark does more than that. He can influence you. I was surprised he hadn’t forced you to use the device.”

“He said I have to accept its other power.”

“I see. If he didn’t try forcing you to execute his will, then he must be telling the truth. Because believe me, he would have, and there would be no choice but for you to obey.”

“Which explains him being nice to me.”

“He is quite soft natured, but if he can’t force you to use the power, he’ll do other things to convince you.”

“Which is so much worse.”

“Yes.”

“Fuck. The thing is…” I paused, releasing a gasp. “Oh, fuck me hard.”

“What is it?”

“Darcy!” Terror sank into the pit of my stomach like an iron ball wrapped in his thorns. “What sort of friend am I to take a bath and leave him back at the flat like this? Butterfly might sense him or whatever and use him against me. I’ve got to get home.”

Panic set in. I hurled myself at the pool edge, hauling myself out.

Tore into the pile of clothing to find a long, beige robe of silk roughly cut to my size.

Pulled on my dirty jeans as my dagger and Skele were fixed to them, then slipped my boots and the robe over them, no time to dry, calling to the time magic.

“Roman!” Xavier was by my side, pulling on the other robe.

“We have to get to him right now,” I said, surprised my voice worked with such a dry throat.

“You have to eat and drink something,” Xavier tried. “Get your strength up.”

“I’m not leaving Darcy alone in that flat a second longer.”

“Please, Roman. You have to?—”

“Ouch.” A sharp pain in my left ear. I rubbed at it, my eardrum popping.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Listen, you either join me right now or you don’t. I’m going back to him either way.”

He took my hand as the magic found the path, carrying us to the present again, depositing us in the alleyway I’d departed to the past from.

I’m coming, buddy!