Page 82 of Delta

"Daddy, don't be silly. You're nice to me, and you're sometimes nice to grandmama and grandpa, but to other sorts you're quite mean. And I heard grandmama say you're a killer. I wasn't meant to hear her, though. Are you a killer, Daddy?”

Rush doesn't answer, struggling to contain a tumult of emotions. I have to do something.

I take the phone from him. "Hi, Eliza, my name is Bryn. I'm a friend of your father’s.”

"Hello, Bryn. You sound American."

"I am. And you sound British."

She laughs, a merry, tinkling bell-like sound. "Well, of course I do, silly. Because I am!"

"Well, then, I sound American because I am." I let my voice go serious. "Eliza, you must know that your daddy only does what he has to do to keep you safe and take care of you."

"I know that. But…he does hurt people sometimes, doesn't he? That's what grandmama said."

"Only if he has to, and only bad people. Your daddy is a good guy."

"Well of course he is!" she answers immediately, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s my daddy. Sometimes he has to go away, and I get quite sad. But he has to. For work. And I'm not meant to know what he does because it's adult things. But I know he's a good guy. He’s the bestest good guy there is. D'you know why I know that?"

"Why?" I prompt.

"Because he gives me kisses and tickles me and reads me stories at night, even though it's hard for him because his brain is a little different about letters and such, and he loves me. A bad person wouldn't do those things. So that's why I know he's good."

Rush is on his knees in the grass, tears flowing down his face. His rifle is forgotten, off to the side. "I'm not. I'm not," he whispers, rocking. "I'm not good. I'm not good."

"Can you say that again?" I say to her. "A little louder."

"Daddy? Are you there?"

"Yeah—" he clears his throat, trying to sound unaffected as he rises to his feet on shaky knees. "Yeah, lovey, I'm here."

"I love you the most in the whole wide world, Daddy," Eliza says. "And if you have to do bad things sometimes for work, that's okay. I do bad things sometimes, but it doesn't make me bad, right?"

"Right," he whispers.

"Are you coming home soon, Daddy?"

"Soon as I can, Lizzy-lovey. Soon's I can."

"Are you sad? You sound like you've been blubbing.”

Rush bursts into helpless laughter. “I wasn't blubbing, you cheeky little shit. I was worried for you."

"Daddy, you ought not say swears at me. I'm only six."

“I know, darling, I'm sorry. You're such a big, bright girl that sometimes I just forget."

"Well, don't. Grandmama says I should be a proper girl, even though you're not a gentleman."

Rush snorts. "I'll have to have a word with Grandma about speaking out of turn around you."

"Oh, well, no, Daddy, it's not her fault. I sneak out of bed and listen to them talk at night when I can't sleep because you're gone."

Rush sighs. "I'm sorry you were so scared, Lizzy-Lovey. This ought not to have happened to you. It's my fault, darling. Do you forgive me?"

"Silly Daddy. Of course I do." A pause. "Daddy?"

"Yes, my love?"