CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CAPONE
To the world Tara Burnside is just a name. But to Holly and Maverick, she’s the best thing they ever made. To her brothers, she’s a hero. And to Mark, she’ll always be the one that got away. Looking at her now, so small in that hospital bed and hooked up to all sorts of machines, she looks like everything to me.
All the things I thought I didn’t want.
Things I suddenly don’t want to live without.
I don’t care if it’s wrong. If these feelings I’m feeling are a crime, then sentence me to life because there is no walking away.
Not from her.
I’ll sit outside her hospital room every day if Holly insists. I’ve had some good practice being a creep, and I’m the guy for the job. But I would rather sit beside her that way I can count the freckles on her pretty little face.
“You’re such a brat,” I whisper hoarsely. “Scaring me like that.”
She wipes her eyes. “Thought I was dead, did you?”
“Yes,” I admit. She had a pulse when they wheeled her away from me, but before I saw my sister, I really didn’t know what to think.
“Not yet.”
Hearing her say those two words causes my fist to crush the box of sour candy I’m holding. I close the distance between us. “Hey, you don’t get to say that.”
I toss the candy on top of the tray, and slide the whole thing away from her, giving me room to access her. She turns her head slightly, using the hospital neckline of her gown to wipe under nose. I cup her chin, turning her head and forcing her eyes back to me.
“You’re going to be okay.”
She has to be.
“You don’t know that.” Lifting her hand, her fingers circle my wrist. “Can I talk to you?”
My brows pinch together. Mav mentioned they were giving her pain meds, maybe her confusion is a side effect of them. “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
“No, I mean freely,” she whispers. “I have all these thoughts in my head, and I can’t say them out loud because hearing me say them will break my parents’ hearts.”
I’m not so sure whatever she needs to say won’t break mine, but I’ll deal with my feelings later. Lowering my hand from her face, I take a seat on the edge of her bed.
“Go for it.”
Her lower lip quivers and she nods, relief radiating from those sad eyes of hers.
“I have cancer, Gianluca. It’s in my bones. The doctors say it’s stage two, and that I should be grateful I caught it before it metastasized. How can anyone say that to another person? I mean, is it supposed to make me feel better? Like, Oh, hey, your seventeen and you have cancer, but here’s a consolation prize.” She shakes her head. “It’s not fair.”
No it’s not. Nothing about this is fucking fair. But I don’t think that’s what she wants to hear. I honestly don’t think she wants to hear anything. She asked me to listen, and that’s what I’m going to do, even if it shatters my heart into a million pieces.
“This is supposed to be the best year of my life. That’s what everyone said, and it’s been nothing but a shit show. My boyfriend cheated on me, and I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me, but now I’m cancer girl. Do you know they told me I probably won’t be able to go back to school? They gave my mother all kinds of information on homeschooling me through my treatment. If I’m lucky, and my body responds well to all the poison, I might make it to graduation. I hate most of the people in my school, but I really want to walk down that aisle and throw my cap up in the air with my best friend at my side.”
My hand finds hers, and I lace our fingers together. Her wishes aren’t anything out of the ordinary.
“There are so many things I haven’t experienced, and I might not get the chance. I wanted to travel. I don’t even have a passport because I’ve never left the fucking state, but I figured I had time to get one. That’s the least of it, though. What if I never know what it’s like to be loved the way my dad loves my mom? I was only just beginning to realize that what Mark and I had was nothing close to what my parents have. I want that crazy, can’t control it love that consumes every part of your body, mind, and soul. I want to find my twin flame, and I really don’t want to die a fucking virgin.”
Jesus Christ.
“I want to get married.”
As soon as she says those words, an image fills my head. I can see it so clearly. Tara in a simple white dress, a brilliant smile playing across her pretty little mouth.
“I want my dad to walk me down me the aisle.” She sobs. “He can’t even look at me. It’s breaking my heart because it’s only going to get worse. I’m going to get chemo, and I’m going to lose my hair. I won’t look like me, and then he really won’t be able to look at me.”
He can’t look at her because he can’t save her, and it’s killing him. He can’t even blame himself for what’s happening to her, and that’s devastating to a self-loathing man.
“And I think my mom is on the verge of a breakdown. She’s so scared of losing me, she doesn’t leave my side. She doesn’t even sleep.” She pauses, and lifts her free hand, using the back of it to wipe the never-ending stream of tears streaking down her cheeks. I reach for the box of tissues on the tray, plucking a few from the box. She takes them and blows her nose, releasing my hand in the process.
“I can’t fault her for it,” she continues, crumbling the tissue. “I think if it were my child diagnosed with cancer, I’d do the same.” The tissue falls from her hand, and she bows her head. Her shoulders start to shake and an anguished cry rips past her lips. “That’s another thing…” She lifts her eyes back to me. “I wanted to be a mom one day. I wanted a whole bunch of babies and cancer is robbing me of that because even if I beat this, they’re going to pump my body with so much shit, I may never be able to have children.” She throws her head back against the pillow and stares at the ceiling. “It’s not fucking fair.”
I swallow thickly and lay my hand on her thigh over the blanket covering her. When she goes silent, I clear my throat.
“Can I talk now?”
Her eyes swing from the ceiling to me. I find the remote on the side of the bed and press the button that lifts the back of the bed so that she’s sitting upright. Dropping the remote, I inch forward and take her face between my hands. Her freckles distract me for a minute, but I pull myself together.
“You’re going to beat this, Tara.”
“You don’t know that. Even if the cancer doesn’t kill me, people die during surgery all the time.”
I guess that’s true, but I’m choosing to believe otherwise. I’m choosing faith, and I know how fucking ironic that is. How can a man who proclaims to be one with the Devil, put his trust in God? But sitting in this hospital for three days, I’ve done a lot of thinking. God doesn’t give you beautiful things just to rip them away from you. He gives them to you, hoping you’ll find his way back to him.
Until he proves me wrong, I’m going to believe he put Tara in my life for a reason, and that he isn’t cruel enough to take her away from me.
“I don’t want to die,” she whispers. Closing her eyes, she holds my wrists and touches her forehead to mine. “I want to drive you crazy, and watch you do silly things like have Nerf gun battles with your nephews. I want to make TikToks with Sophia. I want you to take me for rides on the back of your motorcycle, and I don’t want them to be out of duty. I want you to make me homemade pizza, and I really want you to kiss me again.”
I can give her all of those things, and I will. I’ll give her whatever the fuck she wants so long as she fights this thing and wins.
But I can give her that last one now.
Without giving myself a chance to change my mind, I tip her chin and lower my mouth to hers, kissing her with a desperation I didn’t know existed until this moment. Her lips taste like salt from her tears, and just as sinful as they did when I first tasted them. When they part for me, I waste no time accepting the invitation. My tongue slides into her mouth, dueling with hers as her hands drop to my shoulders. Her fingers curl into my shirt and the sweetest moan escapes the back of her throat.
The monitor next to her bed beeps, and I start to pull away, fearful I’ve gone too far, but her grip on me tightens.
“Don’t stop,” she pleads.
I pull her lower lip between my teeth, and glance at the monitor. The numbers climb as the red heart next to them flashes.
Fuck.
“Please,” Tara whispers.
I release her lip, and let my mouth trail to her jaw, down to her neck. The scruff of my beard brushes against her delicate skin undoubtedly leaving marks. But it isn’t enough. I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to see her again with Holly acting the way she is. I suck and lick, my teeth nipping away.
“Oh, God, more…” She whispers, arching her back. “Give me more.”
Give her everything if I could, but that beeping monitor keeps me in check. My tongue takes one long strong at the spot where I’ve marked her before I pull away. I stare at her neck, all read, and starting to bruise, and I wait for the shame to wash over me. It never does and when I lift my gaze to her pouty lips, all swollen and wet from my kisses, I smile.
“Your father’s going to kill me.”
She licks her lips. Her eyes are bloodshot from all the crying, but they aren’t full of tears anymore. They’re full of something dangerous. Something I should ignore.
“It can be our little secret,” she whispers, reaching for me again. I let her reel me in for one more quick kiss.
“You’re such a brat,” I say against her mouth.
Leaving Tara’s room was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and risk any chance of Maverick letting me see her again. Although, I might’ve done that when I marked her neck. She promised she’d hide the bite with her hair, but I don’t know how she planned to hide her swollen lips, or the rash my beard left around her mouth. Maybe it was a good thing Maverick couldn’t look at her. However, I’m sure Holly would notice. Nothing got past that woman. She’d take one look at her daughter and know she was thoroughly kissed.
Tara would likely deny it, but if anyone asked me, I wouldn’t.
Not the way I was feeling.
I made my way back to the waiting room and sat there for hours. Lucia came to see me on her break and informed me that the oncology team was in Tara’s room, speaking to her, Maverick, and Holly about treatment options. A little while later, Shady showed up to the hospital.
Since the night of the shooting and Tara collapsing, he came and went a lot, and I attributed that to a couple of things.
One, he wanted to stay updated on Tara, and like me, he hoped for a chance to see her with his own eyes. He never got one though, and that made me feel guilty.
Two, he was running the show where the club was concerned, a job that normally would be Ghost’s seeing as he’s the vice president. But Ghost had his hands full with Birdie losing her cousin so tragically, which left Shady holding the bag.
I was lost and out of touch with club business when Maverick initially ordered me to tail Tara, and it bothered me. This time, I didn’t give a fuck.
So when Shady finished speaking with Maverick, and took a seat next to me in the waiting room, I didn’t ask any questions. I didn’t say a fucking word.
“Are you planning on coming back to the clubhouse anytime soon?” He questioned.
I wasn’t leaving this hospital until Tara did, but I also didn’t know how well that news would be received by her uncle so I kept my mouth shut.
“The club is in ruins, Capone. We have no fucking leader, and the cops are all over us. We’re burying Emmy tomorrow, and the last thing I need to worry about is you.”
“I’m fine.” I said and kept my gaze pinned to the linoleum floor.
He didn’t say anything for a second, then sighed.
“You’re not fucking fine. She’s seventeen, Capone. She’s not even legal to buy a pack of cigarettes, and I don’t care that she’s turning eighteen in a few weeks. She’s sick, and in for the fight of her life. You’re the last thing she needs. Not to mention, you’re cut from the same cloth as the rest of us and she deserves better.”
Deep down I knew he would always be the one that figured me out first.
When I don’t respond, he slaps his hands against his thighs. “Damn it, Capone. The least you can do is deny what I’m insinuating is true.”
I had no response for him and that only angered him more. He stood, stepped right in front of me, and that forced my eyes to meet his.
“They’re discharging her in an hour. Maverick and Holly are taking her to New York for a second opinion. He’s called church for six o’clock. Make sure your ass is there, and after that it would be good if you got your father’s equipment off Booker and Mann’s lot before the cops seize everything.”
He left after that, and I continued to sit in the waiting room, until I caught a glimpse of Holly wheeling Tara out of the hospital in a wheelchair.
I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s ten after six and Maverick’s still not here. Everyone else is though, and I feel like they’re all staring at me. Everyone except Ink, but to be fair, the man seems to be in a world of his own.
The door opens, and Maverick enters the chapel. He apologizes for keeping everyone waiting as he makes his way to his seat at the head of the table. He doesn’t reach for the gavel, and that’s telling.
“The last time I sat at this table, I thought I had a clear plan as to where we were headed, and I warned each and every one of you that there would be bloodshed.” He stares at Ink. “I’m sorry, brother. I’m sorry it was hers that spilled out.”
Ink bows his head, his jaw clenching visibly.
“I don’t know where we go from here,” Maverick admits. “I know you want revenge, and my God, do I want to give it to you, brother. But I can’t. Not now.”
“The cops are all over us,” Shady chimes in. “They want to do this by the book.”
“Fuck that,” Ink hisses, lifting his chin. “The people who shot at Holly, and took Emmy’s life don’t get off that easy.”
I want to ask if they know who they’re gunning for, if this was the work of the cartel or the Highway Renegades, but I keep my mouth shut. I’m only here because I can’t be where I want to be.
“I agree,” Maverick says. “But my daughter has to come first. I can’t give this the attention it deserves because all my attention has gotta go to Tara, and if there is anything left, it’s gotta go to Holly, and the boys.” He drops his head into his hands and the sob he tries to muffle is a sound I will never forget. “She’s our whole world, and she’s sick.”
He tears his hands away from his face and openly cries. There’s no hiding his pain. He wears it like a badge of honor.
“I missed all the signs. I didn’t know she was in pain. Holly didn’t either.”
I did. I knew and I didn’t do a fucking thing about it. I should’ve told them the first time her leg gave out, even if it didn’t change the outcome.
“We’re going to New York to meet with a specialist at Sloan. Wolf got us in. Apparently, his wife had a battle with cancer, and he’s got some pull. I don’t know what the plan is from there. The doctors here want to do surgery to remove part of her acetabulum where the tumor is.”
My neck snaps, and I stare at him.
“Her what?”
“It’s the socket of the hip joint. That’s where the tumor is.”
My brain tries to make sense of what he’s saying. Taking part bone from her joint seems harsh to me. How is she supposed to ever walk again?
“The plan is to replace the bone with a graft created from her femur. The recovery will be extensive, and she’ll have to do chemo and radiation too. She has a long road ahead of her, and we just want to make sure she has the best care possible.”
He pulls in a breath.
“I will avenge this attack on our club, and when I do, I’ll wear the blood of the people who did this proudly. It’ll be slow and torturous. We’ll bite off piece by piece, until there is nothing else. Everyone from here to Venezuela will know who the fuck we are, and they’ll think twice before they ever come after us again.”
His gaze flits around the table.
“I give you my word.”