Page 60 of Dedicated

“I didn’t say that!” Ella protested. “I mean, not in so many words—they just assumed it and asked me a lot of questions about how you guys acted around each other. Then they took it totally out of context. I had no idea you guys really were together.” She paused, looking between us. “Or… you’re not? I’m kind of confused, honestly.”

Evan’s lips pressed together so hard, I thought if he opened his mouth, his teeth might have turned into diamonds. And then, without another word, he wrenched his hands from his pockets and stalked down the street toward the car.

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” Ella said, clapping a hand over her mouth.

I shook my head quickly, then called out over my shoulder as I started after Evan. “It’s not your fault. Gave me the most intense few weeks of my life.” Maybe the best, too, but now I’d be paying for it.

Evan shookmy hand off his shoulder as soon as it landed and kept marching toward the car.

I trotted after him. “Porter, Jesus, come on. It’s not that big of a deal. She was short rent money because someone stole her purse, and Ididn’ttell her we were together. I just told her it was cool if she sold the story about hooking up with her.” She’d called me repeatedly that day and finally left me a tearful message in the evening. And yeah, I’d been a little drunk and maybe not thinking clearly about Evan and his privacy issues, but it seemed mostly harmless and I figured we’d get a little sales spike out of it that would make Evan happy. Two birds, one stone, everyone was satisfied.

He pulled the keys to the car out but paused with them in his hands, then whipped around to face me. “You keep saying that, but it is. It’s a big fucking deal tome.” His eyes narrowed into shards of ice so cold that even the sweltering July heat couldn’t touch it. “Did you know Levi wanted to set up this whole fake relationship thing? Were you part of the fucking plan all along?”

The force of his accusation hit me like a punch to the gut. I took a step backward, my mouth falling open. “Are you fucking kidding me? No. What the fuck?”

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

“Because I’m fucking telling you.”

“You didn’t tell me you gave Ella the green light to sell my fucking sex life. You didn’t tell me about Dan wanting to do a show at Grim’s. How else do I know what you’ve not told me, or what you’ve lied about. Oh my God.” He paled and went quiet. The detachment in his eyes when he looked back up at me did brutal things to my soul. “This, us? Is this even real for you? Holy shit am I an idiot.”

I couldn’t believe for a second he’d give any credibility to the idea that I’d been in on a fake relationship setup with Levi. Much less that I was lying to him about feelings I’d been hiding just trying to keep our band intact. It gutted me and I snapped. “Fuck you, Porter.Fuck you. I’m guilty of telling Ella to do the article, but I did that foryou. I thought it’d help our ratings—those precious numbers you’re always obsessing over. So that’s my bad, yeah. But I did it, Evan, fuck… I did it because I’min lovewith you. What you’re suggesting about Levi, that doesn’t even make sense, and if you think it does, you don’t fucking know me at all.”

“You’re right about that last part. I guess I don’t.” His hands knotted in his hair, and his eyes squeezed shut; then he released a long breath and opened the car door.

“I’m done,” he said, and I didn’t have to ask what he meant.

I launched at him as he slid into the car. I needed him to calm down, needed him to listen to me. He snarled as he forced me back, his eyes dark with fury. “Leave me the fuck alone, Les, or I will hurt you.” He meant it, too; his elbow cocked back and his hand tightened into a fist, and I could see the momentum gathering, anything I might say enough to snap the thin restraint.

But a fist to the face would’ve felt better than watching him slam the car door shut.

He leftme in the parking lot. The sun blazed down, and I might as well have been standing in Antarctica. A few people had gathered on the sidewalk. I ignored them as I pulled out my phone and started walking toward Grim’s.

Owen gave me a ride back to the cabin. Evan was gone, of course. With all his stuff, with the car.

Tattletale posted pictures of us arguing in the parking lot that night, which I was sure Adam Slade loved. I didn’t know who took them. It didn’t matter. None of it did.

I called Blink and told him to book a red-eye to Vegas the following evening.

Chapter 35

Slippery Nipples, Mind Erasers, Jager Bombs. Thin rails of coke like white jail bars on the mirror. Powders and pretty pastel pills. Hash in an orange pipe. I didn’t care what it was. I just swallowed, sucked, and snorted it all. Streaks of light, a city from a window with rain sliding like sludge down the pane. I went to sleep dancing on the axis of the world, and woke with it drilling into my temples.

Where the fuck was I?

My head boomed in time to the pulse of rising panic, like a giant gong ringing against my temples. I scrabbled through sheets and pillows, knocking over ashtrays and empty bottles in search of my phone and found it on the floor. A desperate glance out the window showed me a neon dawn. Vegas.Of course.

I had about a million and one text messages, most of them from Blink and Mars. None from Evan, but my call log was filled with outgoing calls to him.Fuck me.

Rushing around the trashed hotel suite, I scouted every surface for something to take the edge off, my hands shaking. Something to calm my stomach, my head. My heart. And when I came up empty, I dropped onto the couch and folded my arms over my knees. I lit a lone cigarette I found on the coffee table and massaged my forehead with the heel of my hand.

Nausea surged through me after two inhales, and I barely managed to stub the cigarette out and make it to the trash can before I was hurling up shit I didn’t even remember eating.

When I’d finished, I was trembling and cold and fuck, I was alone. Really alone.

I punched Blink’s contact on my phone, and he answered on the first ring.

“Dude, where have you—?”