Page 54 of Dedicated
He sighed and rolled over, putting his broad back to me. I caressed down his spine then fanned my fingers wide, stroking the muscles upward, rolling my thumbs into the nape of his neck until he groaned and I could feel some of the stiffness dissolve. Scooting nearer, I pressed my chest to his back, wrapping one arm around him as I spoke close to his ear, loving the goose bumps that studded the side of his neck in the wake of my breath. “I’m not going to let you panic this time. We’re going to talk this through logically.”
Evan groaned, and not the sexy you’re-killing-me groan I was addicted to, but the oh-shit kind. “I’m having sex with my bandmate and best friend. We owe our label an album. We’re currently faking a relationship for a PR boost with plans to terminate said fake relationship before we go into the studio. Except it’s hard to call something fake if you’re fucking. And it still has to end. How do you logic through that clusterfuck?”
“Who says it has to end? That decision was made because we insisted on an expiration date. That part’s on us.” I proposed this lightly, almost tentatively, and Evan twisted around in the sheets to study me.
“Are you suggesting we… what, date? Be together?”
My expression deadpanned. “You’re saying that like it’s offensive to you, which is a little insulting considering you were moaning my name into my own mouth not five hours ago.”
He grimaced. “Okay, fair. I apologize. I can’t lie and say I don’t feel something for you. I do. I feel a lot of things. Shit, we’re together constantly. I feel closer to you than I’ve ever felt to anyone else. When you kiss me, when we touch it’s… something else. Something I haven’t had with anyone else. Addictive and… shit, more than a little scary. But we’re in a vacuum here. This is suspended reality.” He yanked at the covers and rolled over again to face me, a quiet intensity in the gaze that searched my face. “What happens when we leave and I go back to my house and you go back to yours? What happens when we’re out on tour? What happens when you’re surrounded by chicks and dudes clamoring to fuck you and I get jealous? Or you’re hammered out of your skull and pull that shit where you take it out on me? I could handle it before because it was just annoying—although, to be honest, increasingly concerning. But I couldn’t handle it if we were together, because I won’t be able to distance myself from it.”
“I don’t want to fuck anyone else, Ev.” But I stopped there because I had no idea how he’d react to the news that I’d been lusting after him for months and months, that everyone else was a pitiful attempt to get him out of my head. “And I’m working on the drinking. In case you haven’t noticed.”
“I have.” His expression softened and he reached for me, running his hand down my side. “But like I said, we’re in a vacuum. It’s all around us on tour.”
“Look, I don’t know how it’ll all play out, but I don’t want to stop, okay? So could you give me a real shot at trying to prove it can work? Give me until we go to the studio, and if you’re not convinced, then we let the hammer fall as planned and I promise to respect your decision.” I shouldn’t promise that part. I couldn’t even think it without feeling nauseated. Because now that Evan was in my bed, I didn’t want to let him out. Ever. Metaphorically speaking. Literally too, maybe, except my stomach started grumbling, so after we went back and forth some more, I finally crawled out of bed and went to make us breakfast. That’s right—I was gonna cook for him. One fuck and I was domesticated. In another week, I’d probably be begging to fold his laundry.
By midafternoon that day,we had a rough sketch of the new album, ten songs that were more or less complete and the beginnings of two more—one being the song I’d broken out at Grim’s the night before.Jesus, was that just last night?It felt like a week ago. Time had a way of slowing out here, and I was starting to get used to it. I liked having Evan all to myself.
“Come with me to Grim’s. Dan’s got something there waiting for me,” I said when we decided to take a break.
“A fist to the face for that shitshow?”
I grinned. “No way. Though I thought he was going to destroy that jackass.”
“I didn’t see what happened to him. That biker dude pulled me out of the pit and dragged me out back.” Evan slid his guitar into its case, then extended his hand to yank me up from the floor.
“I didn’t see much, but Dan had the guy locked up, and the other biker dude had to pull him off.”
“Dan doesn’t give a fuck, does he?”
“Not even one.”
I was worried there might have been damage, too, but when I’d texted Dan earlier that morning, he’d said it was all good, and when we walked into the shop late that afternoon, everything was back in its usual place, the only sign of last night’s show a single busted display rack Owen was bent over fixing when we came in.
He slid a new wood slat in place and gave us a bright smile when he saw us, eyes running up and down us both curiously. “Back to bring more chaos?”
“Nah. Just picking up something Dan said he’d leave for me,” I said.
“Oh yeah, right here.” Owen dropped the hammer he’d been holding and popped up, darting to the checkout counter.
Evan wandered off down the aisles, poking through the racks while I followed after Owen.
“The show was killer last night, in spite of everything.” Owen glanced up at me as he rummaged behind the counter. “Really digging the new stuff.”
“Thanks, man. Hope everyone else digs it, too.” My attention turned to Evan, tracking him around the store, watching as he caught his lower lip in his teeth. He narrowed his eyes as he picked up an album, studied it, then put it back down. Watching him debate over a record sleeve shouldn’t have turned me on, but it did. I embarked on a tasty fantasy of sitting his sweet ass in a chair and making him watch me strip down and jerk myself until he couldn’t take it and bent me over said chair and fucked me mercilessly. The fantasy burst when I realized Owen was still talking to me.
“Do you have a certain time of day you write?” Owen had these big, beautiful eyes that blazed with sincerity as he spoke. He really did seem like a sweet guy.
“Nah. I’m a slave to the muse, I guess, and sometimes a deadline.” I chuckled.
He laughed and nodded. “I’ve got some stuff I’ve been working on. I know how it goes.”
That happened a lot, and I tried not to be a dick about it because Evan and I had both been there. I listened as Owen talked about the album he was working on, which actually didn’t sound half-bad. The premise was intriguing, at least. He handed me a bag from behind the counter with the album I’d requested in it, then tore a sales slip off the pad and started writing on the back. “Web addy for some links to rough demos, if you want to give it a listen,” he explained. His smile was infectious and brightened further as I folded the slip of paper and tucked it in my pocket.
“I’ll do that,” I promised.
“’Course… you could come listen in person sometime.” His tongue darted out to wet his lips as both eyebrows rose hopefully.