Page 80 of Deceptive Desires (The Syndicate #2)

Cecilia

It’s nighttime. The sun set hours ago, and I can’t help but be happy about it. About finally going to sleep. Next to him.

Roman undid the handcuff after our conversation so I can freely roam the room and bathroom. I noticed that everything that could be used as a weapon is gone. Even the lamps are screwed into the nightstands.

Not that it’d be much use to me.

I may have changed, but I still can’t harm someone. Not even him.

Maybe especially not him.

Roman’s kept me fed all day. Eggs and sandwiches. All he knows to make. It makes me wonder what he’s been eating since I left. I wonder if he’s been okay without me.

It doesn’t matter. I don’t care if he’s been taking care of himself!

But I bet I’ll only last another day before I insist on using the kitchen.

And as if thinking of him summons him, he walks in.

“Hey, sunshine. How’re you holding up?” he asks with genuine concern in his voice. As though he’s not the reason I wouldn’t be doing well. As though this isn’t completely his fault.

“I’m dandy. Why wouldn’t I be?” Sarcasm negates my words.

“Sunshine, we’re going to break you of this negativity. It’s not like you, and it’s concerning me,” he says softly as he makes his way to the bathroom. “Come on, let’s get ready for bed.”

I follow him to the vanity and make note that everything of mine is exactly how I left it. It’s as though I was never gone.

I just stare at it all.

“I never gave up hope. I knew I’d bring you home,” he explains, his voice rough.

I look at him and see the fear in his eyes. He truly believed I’d been taken. That I was being held against my will. And it terrified him.

Guilt flashes through me, and I have the urge to hug him.

I step forward towards him, then come back to reality.

No. No. He doesn’t deserve my hugs. He deserves to feel scared. He did this. It’s all his fault.

And Leo’s, a small voice in my head reminds me.

My friend used me to get back at Roman for protecting me when he tried to hurt me. My friend betrayed me long before Roman ever did. And if I really reflect on it, if I weed out all the lies Leo told, then what Roman did really wasn’t so bad. He truly was just trying to help me. In his twisted way.

I know he loves me. He’s gone through great lengths to protect me. He’s never been a threat to me. And he makes me happy.

But he lied.

It’d be so easy to forgive him. To go back to the paradise we were living in before. To forget all he did.

But I just don’t know if I have it in me.

I don’t know if I can go back now that I know what he is. What he does when he leaves for work. When he comes back in the middle of the night smelling like lemons. I don’t know if I can ignore knowing the pain he caused when he comes back to cuddle me.

But I also know I may not have a choice. He won’t give me another opportunity to run. And even if he did, I couldn’t get far with the tracker in me.

I silently brush my teeth, change into pajamas behind the closed door of the closet, and get under the covers.

Roman comes in and starts stripping in front of me.

I watch as he loses his shirt.

Then he undoes his belt and slides it out.

He unzips his pants. They drop to the floor with a thud.

He grabs a pair of boxer briefs, and steps into them.

All in front of me.

I can see his raging cock bobbing as he steps into them.

My core dampens, and I curse myself for having a response to him. I tell myself it’s only human nature, but I also know no other man could make me feel this way.

I turn away from him, listening as he deposits his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. As he walks to his side of the bed.

I feel the bed dip as he climbs in and gets under the covers.

Then he slides to the middle, and pulls me towards him, so that I’m resting on him. He brings my right arm over his chest, and my right leg over his thighs. Positioning us how we always sleep.

And I just can’t bring myself to pull back.

It’s been so long since I’ve had human contact. Since I’ve felt loved. And he makes the loneliness fade away.

So, for tonight, I’ll steal his warmth.

Chapter 81

Cecilia

I wake up to his warmth surrounding me. I breathe him in, loving the feeling. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it.

I had a great dream that none of it ever happened. That we were happy. That we were in love.

The dream turned dirty quickly, and now I’m burning with desire.

And I hate myself for it.

I crave intimacy. His touch. Our love.

I slide my leg up against his hardness. I press into it, and he groans.

“Sunshine, after the noises you were making in your sleep, I’m barely hanging on. If you keep touching my cock, I’m not going to be able to restrain myself,” he grunts out.

His hands abandon me, and he raises them above his head, as though every touch tempts him.

And damn it, I feel the same.

I know I shouldn’t but at the same time, I’m being forced here against my will. And I’m so needy. And he knows how to make me feel good. What if I use him just this once? Just to get some relief. It doesn’t have to mean I forgive him.

I trail my hand down his chest and slide it under his boxers. I grip his cock.

“Cecilia, you’re playing with fire,” he warns me darkly.

I stroke up and down once, then again.

That’s all it takes for him to flip us over so he’s hovering over me.

“I can’t take you soft and sweet like usual. It’s been too long. My hand can only give me so much relief,” he warns, and I smile.

“Do it. I want it hard and rough,” I tell him.

That’s how I need it. I can’t make love with him. It’ll break me. This is purely physical.

He groans then leans down to kiss me.

I turn my head away, not able to give in to that intimacy.

“Sunshine, you can pretend to hate me. You can use my body to get your release. But you will kiss me while doing it. I won’t let this be meaningless for you. Because it never is for me. So, when you use me, you’re going to know it’s your Roman, your hero,” he growls then dips his head.

The moment his mouth locks with mine, I lose all sense of control.

I run my fingers through his short hair and press his lips harder to mine. He nips my bottom lip, demanding entry, and I comply. His tongue duels mine, and it’s a fight for dominance. A fight he easily wins.

I slide my other hand over his shoulders, down his back, then over his chest.

He groans at every touch.

When I finally try to pull back, desperate for air, he trails his lips down my neck, biting, sucking, marking me. It feels like the first breath after being underwater for too long.

He keeps going, past my collarbone, to the swell of my breasts.

He rips open my nightgown, fully exposing me down to my panties.

With my breasts on display, he attacks. He leaves marks on the soft tissue, then plays with my nipples, nibbling and sucking them. I can’t hold back my moans. I push his head down, needing more. One of his hands finds my other breast and starts tweaking the nipple.

His other hand travels down my body and into my panties. He finds my soaked center and groans.

“Fuck, sunshine. You’re so wet for me. I knew you missed me. Let me get you ready,” he slides a finger in me.

As he fucks me with his finger, his mouth follows the route his hand just took. Kissing its way down my body. When he gets to my center, he pulls my panties down, reveling in how much I need him.

“You’re so fucking perfect, Cecilia. You’re gorgeous. Breathtaking,” he sighs out.

Then he pounces. He starts lapping at my core. A moan slips from beneath my lips. Then he slips in a second finger and focuses his mouth on my clit.

It’s been so long since I’ve had his touch that I don’t last long. After less than a minute, I’m falling over the edge.

He groans into me as I scream his name. The ecstasy I feel is unmatched. But it’s not enough.

I need him. All of him.

He pulls back just enough to strip off his boxers, and I see it. The wet spot on the front. I raise an eyebrow at him, shocked that he found his own release simply from giving me mine.

“Hearing my name on your lips as I send you over the edge with the taste of you on my tongue and your pussy choking my fingers…” He shakes his head. “I’m only human. I can’t resist that. It’s really for the best. I would’ve only lasted seconds inside of you.”

He pumps his dick twice in his hands, then crawls back up me, and captures my mouth. I can’t even be upset at my taste on his mouth because he thrusts into me in that moment.

I scream even though he prepared me for it. The fullness is everything I’ve needed. It’s everything I’ve been missing.

I look up, and he’s staring into my soul. I turn my head away, trying to break the eye contact, the intimacy. But he doesn’t let me. He grips my chin and forces my head towards him.

“My wife will look at me when I’m fucking her. You will know it’s your husband making you feel this way,” he growls.

And it infuriates me.

It reminds me of what he’s done. That he orchestrated our marriage while I was drugged. And I’m blinded with rage.

“I’m not your wife,” I seethe.

“Yes, you fucking are. You’re mine. And I’ll never let you go.” He smirks. “Get used to it, wife.”

He emphasizes ‘wife’, and it has me seeing red.

Like a woman possessed, I bring my hands around his neck. And tighten.

I choke him.

I choke my husband.

When I realize what I’m doing, I start to loosen my grip, horrified by my actions.

“Tighter,” he gasps out.

I look up and see the feral gleam in his eyes.

He fucking likes it. The sick bastard actually likes it.

But it feels too good to have an outlet for my rage, so I tighten my grip and choke my husband. I take my fury out on him.

And all the while, he continues thrusting into me. In fact, it’s spurring him along. He’s even more relentless now, shoving me into the mattress with each thrust.

It’s feels euphoric.

When his face goes from red to purple, I drop my hands, not wanting to kill him. Not yet at least.

Then I turn my head to the arm holding him up next to me.

And I bite him.

He groans, and I feel his cock twitch inside of me.

I bite down harder, wanting him to feel my pain. Wanting him to feel my anger.

“Yes. Fuck, sunshine. Make me hurt. Take your revenge,” he groans in pleasure, and I know the sick bastard is getting off on the pain.

And I know it’s the only thing that allows me to keep going. If I was truly hurting him, I would stop immediately, unable to cause anyone real pain. Not even him. No matter how angry he makes me.

But since he’s loving it, I can guiltlessly continue.

I bite him. Up his arm, to his shoulder, over his pecs. His neck. Everywhere I can reach. Then when I raise my arms ready to choke him again now that he’s a normal color, he reaches down. And circles my clit.

With my hands tightening around his neck and his fingers on my needy nub, we both tip over the edge.

And as I fall, all I see are two brown orbs looking lovingly down at me. And a part of me breaks. Because despite all the pain I’ve caused him, despite all the nasty things I’ve said, he still loves me.

And maybe Mr. Banks was right.

Maybe love is enough.