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Chapter Thirty-Five

Rafael

I hold Lux the entire ride back to my apartment.

Eventually she stops crying, but her body shakes from the shock of everything that’s happened. My insides clench with every sniffle, every tremble of her body.

It’s my fault. I pulled her into this world and put her in danger. If it wasn’t for me, she would be safe. She would be happily floating through the world, a smile on her face, getting herself into wholesome trouble.

I haven’t seen her smile in far too long and the thought destroys me. My life, my choices are what got us here. Because I believed Vince. Because I didn’t need proof that someone was guilty. All that mattered to me was the word of my men.

It was guilty until proven innocent in my books, and it caused Lux’s entire world to come crashing down. The guilt ate away at me, gnawing a hole through my heart until I couldn’t handle it anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Luxy,” I whisper into her hair, rocking her back and forth in the backseat. “So, so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she sniffles out, her voice muffled by my jacket. We’re both covered in blood and bruises. Her ankles are still bound. What a fucking mess.

“It’s not okay,” I correct her gently. “But I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. You’re safe now.”

Except she isn’t , a little voice reminded me. With all the chaos of the fire and the ambush, Vince must have slipped away without anyone noticing him. Or he was never there to begin with.

Vince, I’m quickly realizing, is much smarter than I ever gave him credit for.

For years, he’s blended into the background, acting as my father’s biggest yes man.

He never proposed any crazy schemes or strayed too far from what was expected of him. He never tried to pull the spotlight onto himself like some of the younger guys try to do.

He was a perfect wallflower, until he wasn’t. That calculating smile, the dead eyes—I need to destroy him before he can cause any more harm. But catching him seems to be impossible, even with half the city after him.

Uncle Rocco drops us off in the parking garage and helps me unbind Lux’s ankles. He gives me a look of concern when I wish him a good night and wrap an arm around her exhausted frame. She leans on me heavily, barely keeping her eyes open.

“We should call Dr. Wisen,” he says gruffly, eyeing our bloody appearances. “Maybe I should hang around a bit longer.”

“We’re fine,” I assure him, already dragging Lux toward the elevators. “I’ll call Wisen. Thanks for everything, Uncle Rocco.”

He nods begrudgingly and hangs around until the elevator doors close. I know he’s worried. As the next oldest Romano after my father, he feels some paternal duty toward me now.

While I appreciate the concern, all I want is to crawl into bed with Lux’s warm body tucked against mine.

“Who is Dr. Wisen?” she asks when we get into the entryway. I start peeling off my dirty, bloody clothes, and she follows suit until we’re both naked and shivering in the marble hall. I tug her toward the master bathroom.

“He’s my personal doctor,” I say, turning on the shower to piping hot. “He makes house calls and doesn’t report what he encounters. It’s a safety precaution.”

“I see,” she says, her eyes widening. I know she doesn’t understand my life, and maybe doesn’t want to, but she’s also trying not to judge. That’s more than I could have ever asked for.

We take the world’s fastest shower, soaping up enough to get most of the blood and dirt off. I examine Lux’s head wound as I gently shampoo her hair. She’s curled up on the marble bench, her knees pressed to her chest.

The head wound isn’t as bad as I feared, but her eyes are haunted. I can almost see her near-death ordeal playing out like a horror movie behind that empty gaze.

Death and destruction never truly leave someone unaffected unless they’re a sociopath, but it’s easier for me to handle—for someone in this world to handle.

For civilians like Lux, it opens up a wound that never stops bleeding. It becomes a memory that replays in their mind on repeat, always tormenting them and reminding them that danger is near.

“Let’s call that doctor, shall we?” I ask softly, pulling her up to stand in front of me. The warm water pelts down onto our heads and shoulders, lulling us into a sense of safety. Hot steam encircles us, as if we’re floating through the clouds.

I wrap my arms around her waist, pressing her against me, and just hold her. She has no more tears to cry, but she melts into my touch, relaxing for the first time today.

When we’re both pruney, I drag her out of the shower and wrap her up in a cashmere bathrobe. She climbs under the blankets as I make the call and join her.

We lay in silence, holding each other until the doctor shows up. With Lux on my chest, the world feels right again. Her sunshine breaks through the darkness, pushing away the horrors of today. I sigh, content to be here again, and pull her close as the elevator dings.

After the doctor checks us out and bandages our wounds, we crawl back into bed, completely spent. Lux climbs into my arms, resting her cheek on my bare chest again.

“I…love you,” she whispers, her voice barely reaching my ears. I don’t know if I’m dreaming, but I pull her closer and say it back. I feel her smile against my chest, and I know that everything’s going to be all right.

I kiss the top of her hair, and she twines her arms around my neck, looking up at me with love in her eyes. She’s so golden, so pure, even with that bandage on her temple, that I lean down to brush my lips against hers.

I promised to control myself tonight, wanting to give her space and time to process her ordeal, but she reciprocates my kiss.

“Luxy?”

“Make me forget everything,” she whispers, her cheeks flushed pink. “I just want to feel you and me, nothing else.”

My cock twitches at the idea, ready to spring into action, but I force myself to relax. I trace small circles down her back, and she melts into my side, moaning lightly. For once in my life, I don’t think sex is the right move, but her eyes are drawing me in again.

I lean down and capture her mouth, keeping it gentle and slow. She slides her tongue against my lips, seeking more.

“Please,” she begs, deepening the kiss. Her cinnamon-scented shampoo wafts over me, stirring something up inside me. I’ll never be able to smell cinnamon without thinking of Lux’s naked body against mine, her hair falling around us like a curtain.

I slide her up until she’s straddling me. She leans down, flattening her chest against mine and we fall into a daze of soft kisses and gentle caresses. My hands slide across her back, marveling at how soft and silky her skin is.

I would give everything up and leave it all behind just to do this every day.

The money. The power. The family. None of it matters when she’s by my side.

Hell, I’d move into her dinky studio apartment and work three jobs if it meant coming home to her.

She giggles, cocking an eyebrow up at me. “Would you now?”

“Oh,” I blush, laughing it off. “Did I say that out loud?”

“With six jobs between the two of us, I think we can afford a small one-bedroom,” she says, kissing me sweetly on the chin.

I laugh out loud, giddy with joy that my happy, ridiculous Lux is slowly coming back to me. She grins down at me, tossing her hair over her shoulder and everything inside me snaps. I grab her hips and slide her down to feel me, causing her to arch her back and moan.

My body is practically vibrating with need and she doesn't waste any time. As she slides down onto me, every nerve in my body ignites with a bliss so intense it is almost unbearable.

Colors burst with brilliance around me while the world fades away. All I can focus on is her face, scanning every perfect feature from her wild, wide eyes to the tiny freckle on her lower lip.

She’s building a slow and steady rhythm, swiveling her hips as she rides me. Her hands reach up, cupping her breasts, and she throws her head back.

I feel like I’m staring up at a goddess. Her magic flows through my veins, making me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt after coming so close to death.

I flip her onto her back, studying the masterpiece that is her face. I lose myself in the galaxies of her eyes, the curve of her lips, the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. I press my chest against hers, kissing her neck while I thrust into her—hot, wet, and so ready for me.

Our heartbeats thunder in perfect harmony with the universe, every beat a celebration of our existence—our survival. She moans my name, biting her lip from screaming as the thrusts get wilder and deeper.

I know I won’t last long, but it feels like she won’t either as she clenches and pulls me from inside.

Her breathing turns rhythmic, matching mine. With one slender finger, she pulls my chin down so that our eyes lock.

“I love you,” she whispers, shutting her eyes against the pleasure. The confession spurs me on, giving me the energy to drive into her harder and deeper, the way she likes. “I truly, madly love you, Rafael.”

I lose myself in that sentence, in the sensation of her scent encircling me, her skin against mine.

She moans deep and low, tightening her thighs around me as I let go, spilling inside of her. I collapse on top her, feeling the growing bump of her belly for the first time. I panic that I’m crushing it. As I roll off, she giggles and turns to face me.

“It’s okay,” she says, “you won’t hurt it.”

I pull her against me and we melt into the mattress, spent and satisfied. After a while, she pulls herself up to face me again. Her eyes, two deep pools of light, draw me in, making me wonder what’s going through her mind.

“What happened to Vince?” she whispers. Of all the things I imagined she might say right now, this was last on the list.

“He got away,” I sigh, shutting my eyes. The moonlight is too bright in the room, suddenly. I just want to crawl under the covers and pretend the world revolves only around the two of us.

“Maybe we should just let him go,” she says, unsure of herself.

“We don’t just let people go,” I snap. I see the hurt in her eyes and immediately soften my tone. “He tried to kill you, Lux. And he’s not going to stop until he succeeds. Do you really think I’d let that happen?”

“Maybe he learned his lesson?” she muses. I shake my head at her child-like naivety when it comes to the world and the people in it.

“I’m sorry, but I need to find him,” I repeat firmly. “And make him pay for what he did, not only to you, but to my father.”

“I’m really uncomfortable with the violence,” she finally admits, rolling away from me. I know that she’s a pacifist but I don’t know how to handle this any other way. The fact is, Vince will kill her unless I kill him. There’s no other way.

“I understand that, I really do,” I assure her, stroking her arm, willing her to come back into my arms. “But this is what I do. It’s the life I live.”

“What if I don’t want to live that life?” she whispers, a tear slipping down her cheekbone.

“Oh, Luxy, you don’t have to. You don’t need to involve yourself in any way.”

“But don’t you see?” she cries, frustration seeping into her voice. “If we’re married, I’m automatically involved. What do you want me to do? Sit at the dinner table with you every night pretending like you haven’t been out killing people and smuggling weapons into the country all day?”

“It’s not every day,” I try to joke, desperately hoping to lighten the mood. “We sometimes just have meetings.”

“This isn’t funny, Rafael,” she says crossly. She slips out of bed and throws on her bathrobe, crossing her arms. “I’m serious about this. I can’t be married to a man that tortures and kills innocent people.”

“Hey, hey, they’re not innocent. They’re just as involved in this as I am.”

I jump out of bed and pull a pair of pants on, crossing the room toward her. She whirls away from me, her eyes blazing with anger now.

“And no one innocent ever gets caught in the crossfire, hm?” she argues. “And anyway, who are you to decide whether someone’s innocent or not? Whether they deserve to die or not?”

“Lux,” I sigh, rubbing my aching head. “This is just a job, like any other.”

“I want a divorce.”

“What?”

The statement catches me so off guard that I almost trip over my own feet.

A divorce?