Page 58 of Deadly Knight (The Bratva’s Elite #2)

At some point, I drag myself from Dimitri’s bed and his apartment, shutting the door behind me in case Vanessa’s concerns do come true.

When my stomach grumbles, I head back upstairs but don’t eat. Can’t eat. Not for lack of trying, but food is dry and unappetizing. Why should I eat when they’re probably starving him?

I pace my apartment, counting down the seconds it’ll take Vanessa to get here, after anxiously and impatiently looking up every flight from Moscow to Toronto, before realizing she’d take her personal jet.

Time blends, so even with a measure of the trip, I have no idea what time it is. What day it is.

I run myself ragged pacing my apartment, Dimitri’s shirt draped over me. Like a ghost; not living, not managing, not anything. It’s worse than the days following the hospital, when I was a mixture of hurt and anger, of trauma and confusion.

I’m not hurt. I’m not angry.

I’m numb.

Numb with thoughts of what he’s living through. Of how long he’s been fighting, waiting for someone to realize he was missing.

If only I didn’t scare him away. He would have come to me. Actually, we may never have left Russia. We would have stayed together.

This is my fault…

If I hadn’t pushed him away, he wouldn’t have quit the Bratva and followed me. He wouldn’t have been kidnapped.

“No, no, no, no !”

At some point, I ended up on the floor, my knees pressed into the hardwood, but I truly have no memory of falling. Or sitting. Or doing whatever I did to get down here.

Maybe the guilt will eat me alive.

Maybe then I’d be worthy of the only man I always hoped to be worthy of, but never was.

That I still am not.

Only this time, I don’t care.

The sun brings to light how long I’ve sat in my living room, staring at nothing. Drilling imaginary holes into the floor towards Dimitri’s apartment, a place he’s had for so long.

It’s shocking I never knew. All these years with him beneath me, and I’ve never seen or heard him coming and going.

I phone into work, not wanting to leave in case Vanessa arrives when I’m gone. And also knowing I’d be useless to provide therapy to others, let alone unlock my office door without breaking down.

Hunger eventually wins out and I manage to sip a bowl of soup while staring out the window, seeking some sign of Vanessa’s arrival.

A black SUV pulls up to the curb and I know it’s her. I leap from my place by the window and run for the door, counting the seconds until Vanessa’s knock comes. I have the door open before she’s even finished.

She stands there, fist mid-air, dressed in cargo pants and a tight top. Her hair’s bound up in a braid resting over her shoulder. For all the right reasons, she looks completely average, but there’s no telling how many weapons she has strapped to her.

To her right is Anastasia, dressed similarly, only her blonde hair has been left down. She grins. “Long time no see. Missed you around the mansion.”

Vanessa turns to the small army of five men standing behind her, all dressed entirely in black. Menacing in their own ways, shifting as though uncomfortable in the hallway.

“Come in.” I wave them in, backing up to make room. “Maybe they should as well, so no one gets freaked out. You guys don’t exactly blend well.” Vanessa nods and gestures for them to enter first. “They’re not exactly subtle,” I murmur to Anastasia as she enters after them. “No Lev?”

Anastasia shakes her head. “He wanted to, but he’s protecting someone else who takes precedence.”

“Zeno stayed behind too,” Vanessa comments. “Though he didn’t want to. Figured we already shouldn’t be here, but adding a Cosa Nostra capo to it won’t help anyone’s case.”

Even politically, as a leader, she needs to protect her partner. Like two equals. It’s admirable.

With seven extra people in my apartment, it makes the average-sized space feel tiny, and though the soldiers manage to squeeze themselves into my kitchen area, leaving Anastasia, Vanessa, and me to spread out elsewhere.

“Nice place.” Anastasia drops onto my couch, hooking one foot over the other as she scans my living room. “It’s so…normal.”

“Not the time, Ana.” Vanessa cuts her a look.

“The people who took Dimitri didn’t hide their tracks well, though I suppose they weren’t trying to.

The note you found was written by men who worked alongside my papa.

It was a matter of figuring out exactly who and how many were behind Dimitri’s kidnapping.

Two; Andrei and Mikhail. Lev tracked their cells to an abandoned prison in the city.

They’re working with other soldiers who joined Dimitri’s father a few months ago in an attempt to overthrow me.

Men who defected when I got into power. Now that Ivan’s in prison, they’ve turned to Mikhail and Andrei.

They want Ivan free, which isn’t happening, so they’ll put up a fight.

We’re not certain how many there are exactly; if seven of us will be enough. ”

“Eight.”

Vanessa sighs, sharing a look with Anastasia who simply holds up her hands as though to say I’m not getting involved.

“Look, Katya, you really need to think about it. He’ll understand why you don’t come.

Fuck, he’ll want you to stay here. It’ll be a risk; we’ll be battling through whatever’s waiting, but we’ll do our best to cover you.

” She glances towards her soldiers who all nod, seemingly unsurprised by me joining them.

“Your job will be to get Dimitri out. It might not be pretty, but?—”

“I don’t care. He’s seen me at my worst. This is no different.”

“You’re probably the only one he’ll want to see, if I’m honest. We don’t know exactly where in the prison they’re keeping him, but I’m assuming a cell.”

“I’m coming,” I decide with absolute resoluteness. More certain than any decision I’ve ever made. “You can’t leave me behind. I understand the risk and I’m willing to take it.”

Something passes over Vanessa’s gaze before she nods. “I see that. What’s changed between now and a month ago?”

“I realized what I’ve been running from, not only then, but for years.

Realized that the past doesn’t always have to define the future.

That believing I wasn’t strong enough didn’t have to define my future.

I was caught up in old fears and trauma, convinced that if I stayed away from him, no one would harm either of us.

That distance was required to heal, but it’s not.

And he’s in trouble, so staying away has had no benefit to either of us. ”

I’ve been more miserable in the past month than ever, and he’s in danger. If anything, distance is the source behind our issues.

Her smile, if it can be referred to as that, is almost warm. She turns to the open doorway of my bedroom after scanning my day-old jeans and blouse I haven’t changed out of from yesterday.

“Come. We need to find you more appropriate clothing.”

Ten minutes later, she has me in yoga pants and a shirt, a zippered sweater thrown over top, and sneakers she dug out of my closet.

“Some rules,” she begins, leading me back towards the others.

Anastasia’s busy flicking through my movie collection and looks up when we rejoin them.

“If I say run, you get the fuck out, no questions asked. Do not look behind you. Do not worry about Dimitri, Ana, me, or anyone else. You get yourself out. I swear I won’t make you go unless absolutely necessary, if something goes majorly wrong. ”

“Deal.” Seems fair, as long as she doesn’t use it to trick me.

“Ana.” With the summons, Anastasia appears at my shoulder and hands a switchblade to Vanessa, who taps the button on the side, the knife flicking upwards with a low whoosh . “I assume you don’t know how to use a gun, but take this. Use it on any of them if they come at you. Do not hesitate.”

“I won’t.” I slip the knife into the inner pocket of my sweater for now. “I can fight too—a bit. I’ve been taking lessons. I’m fast, according to my trainer.”

“That’ll be handy. Ready?”

I nod. Anastasia rounds the guys up and they all leave in an intense storm of black, filtering into the hallway. By the door, I scan my apartment one more time, hoping to see it again.

This time, with a Bratva Elite member by my side.