Page 39 of Deadly Knight (The Bratva’s Elite #2)

Days pass, and I’m basically climbing the walls to escape and return to work.

The only good thing about being trapped here is Dimitri’s family—Vanessa, Anastasia, and Vanessa’s Doberman puppy, Veles.

I haven’t seen Zeno or Lev since my first day, but according to Anastasia, it’s not unlike her brother to hide by himself, and because he’s preparing for a trip to Rome.

Vanessa and Anastasia are really nice, though a bit suffocating—not that the reason is a mystery by any means. No matter what, one of them is always by my side. If Vanessa has business to do, then Anastasia babysits me.

It’s strange to consider in another life, these people would have been my friends.

In a better life, where Dimitri’s father didn’t care about his relationships and we stayed together, and this future came to pass—the one where Vanessa is Dimitri’s boss—then I’d likely be around this mansion a lot, having been friends with his cousin and the other Elite members for years now.

In the days passing, thanks to Vanessa’s phone, I’ve cancelled my next session with Ava, in case Dimitri doesn’t get me home by then, and briefly spoken to my parents about our next Sunday lunch. They bought my lie about being out of the city on a conference for mental health professionals.

Vanessa loaned me her laptop—under her watchful eye—and I logged on to my work system to see, sure enough, my next few weeks were booked off.

I don’t even have that much time banked up, and when I pointed it out, Vanessa briefly explained Lev’s capabilities.

It annoys me they all went along with Dimitri’s plan and no one suggested an alternative for handling this.

I’ve gotten emails from coworkers—mostly Nora checking on me after not replying to her texts. Those I left unread, but it’s the email from this morning I hesitate over.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Katya,

I’d like the chance to explain, even though I understand why you’d want nothing to do with me. I don’t expect you to respond, so I’m just going to lay it all out.

I had a wife who ended the relationship last year, because she wants kids and I don’t. Said she needed to find someone who’d give her the happiness she desires. It broke me, but I respect the decision, all things considered. For the most part, I moved on. Genuinely, I did like you.

After walking you home the night of the show, I got a phone call from a man calling himself Ivan Volkov. He sent me pictures of my ex-wife tied up in a warehouse somewhere and demanded a meeting, threatening her life if I alerted the cops. Terrified, I went, thinking only of her.

He showed me pictures of our walk home that night, saying he’d had us followed.

That you were someone he had issues with and made me a deal: I get close to you in exchange for my ex-wife’s ongoing safety.

Provided I led you to that park on that particular night, he agreed to release her, which is why I asked you out.

I have no idea if you’re okay or not, and I’m sick over what happened. I really AM sorry…but I had to. For her. No matter what, I love her too much to see her harmed. I had to choose between you and her, and I picked her.

I’ll always choose her.

Afterwards, she told me she’s pregnant. She’s happily remarried. She’s now back with her husband, safe.

I’d appreciate it if you responded, but I’ll understand if you don’t.

- Caleb

The time of delivery is marked five hours ago, and for every one passing, I reread his email, trying to make sense of it. For my brain to decide if we’re condemning him or being understanding of his actions.

Of course, I’m pissed. Caleb is the reason I’m in this mess. Stuck in Russia, under many watchful eyes. He was the first guy who held my genuine interest in a long time, and this is how it ends? If only I’d listened to gut instinct and didn’t agree to his walk in the park.

This whole week’s been like some sort of sick joke from the universe, my life the punchline. If Caleb admitted the truth, I could have better prepared and even helped him, and Dimitri would never have had to save me.

Choice is a finicky thing.

I lost my choices when waking on a plane and facing my past.

I lost my choices when turning Ivan’s financial bribe down all those years ago.

I lost my choices when those men tied me to the mattress.

Caleb chose to sell me out. He chose his ex-wife over me.

Could I hate him for that? Would I pick differently if the choice was between Caleb or me? No. I’d save myself first.

Since arriving in Russia, I’ve blamed Dimitri for not following my past requests. I’ve blamed Caleb for tricking me into that park. But there’s only one person behind all of this. The very one who was behind it in the past too.

Ivan.

I hope Dimitri finds him. For once, the hope has nothing to do with wanting to go home.

“Hey, what’s that?” Vanessa appears over my shoulder, her gaze locked on her computer, reading quickly. “That’s fucked up. Ivan and his sick games. Not his first, mind you.”

“Well aware,” I reply dryly, wondering exactly how much she knows about my past. She knew enough to answer Anastasia’s questions while hinting towards understanding it to be big and bad.

“I suppose you would be.”

“Dimitri told you?”

She shakes her head. “I knew he was disappearing to Canada often, but not why or where, despite spending years harassing him about the trips. I respected him too much to pry, but when finding my father’s journal after his death, he detailed much of his early life, including what his brother did to you and Dimitri.

” Her eyes lower. “On behalf of the Bratva, I apologize for what you lived through. For my uncle doing that. He forced Dimitri to choose between you and the Bratva by making you deal with those horrors.”

“Except Dimitri didn’t choose. I did. I left.”

“You had your reasons,” she murmurs. “Dimitri gets that.”

Does he? Somehow, I doubt it.

Using the email to save me from this quickly depressing topic that only forces me to explore everything I’ve been protecting behind my mental walls, I gesture at the screen.

“What would you do? He was nice to me and I genuinely enjoyed going out with him, but Ivan left him with no other option. As messed up as it is, I understand why he did it. If he didn’t go through with the deal, an innocent woman would be dead. ” A pregnant woman, which is worse.

“My advice would be to ignore the message for now and not decide. A day, two, a week—whatever. You’re right on both sides. He had a decent reason, and it’s one any of us would make, but you’re the one who paid the price. Be angry about that. Hell, don’t ever answer him if it makes you feel better.”

With her advice, I tap the red X on the browser and slide her laptop back to her. She positions it off to the side before propping herself on the desk’s edge, staring at the afternoon light shining in from the window behind us.

“So, Dimitri would have followed you on that date then?”

My stomach flips at the thought of him watching us in the restaurant. Worse, since we were by the window. At the time, it was a lovely table to be seated at, but now I wish we were tucked in the far back.

“Guess so.”

“I’ll have to give him more credit. Can’t be easy seeing the woman he loves go out with another man. Truthfully, I’m surprised the guy’s still breathing.”

Vanessa pushes off her desk and heads out of her office without another word, but that last statement rings long after she goes.

“Can’t be easy seeing the woman he loves go out with another man.”

Caleb wasn’t the first I’d gone out with, and if Dimitri’s really been in the background this whole time… fuck.

I get up from her desk, wandering into the hallway and eventually the staircase that’ll take me up to Dimitri’s bedroom, where I’ve been spending most of my time.

With a longing look at the front door, I ascend the stairs.

Even if I get past the cameras and soldiers Vanessa has stationed by the front entrance, I have nowhere to go.

Realistically, even amidst my own stubbornness, this is the best place for me to be.

In his bedroom, I’m bathed with the sweet-and-spicy scent from Dimitri that, while fading over the almost week he’s been gone, continues to make my insides react with desires long buried out of fear and necessity.

I cross the room towards the floor-to-ceiling window, pulling the heavy drapes back before dropping onto my sleeping arrangements; the pillows and blanket dragged from his mattress.

It’s here, staring at the forest behind the mansion, I’ve been spending most of my free time when not hanging around Vanessa or Anastasia.

With the blanket over my lap, I push as near to the window as physically possible and drop my forehead to the pane, wondering if Dimitri has done the same over the past decade.

Ten fucking years.

And he’s never let me go.

I recall all I’ve done in that time. Everything he would have watched from afar.

Moving to Toronto. The breakdowns. The nightmares. University. Seeing my first counsellor. Graduating. Getting hired at the youth centre. My outings with Nora. Sunday lunches with my family. The occasional date.

Everything.

Ten years of settling, of moving on, of building walls only to realize Dimitri is like the scars on my arm. There’s a reason they’re permanent, unfading. Exactly like my feelings for him.

However… For all the same reasons as the past, he can’t expect differently once his father is dead.

Ivan’s life might be a small factor, but it doesn’t change that my walls are gone, shattered, and now need to be rebuilt.

I’m far from being done with therapy. Nightmares occasionally plague me.

I’m a fucking mess. Hell, more now than in the past. No matter what he argues, I’m still not the woman he’ll need by his side in this difficult life.

Still broken, still hiding from the past horrors, and still not what he deserves.

And what does him stalking me say? He’s trauma-bonded to me and doesn’t even realize it. No, this time when I go, he can’t follow for his own well-being.

I press my hand to the glass, wondering exactly where he is right now.