Page 76 of Dead Serious Case 5 Madame Vivienne

Danny knows what it is. I told him about it when we moved. Thankfully, it was one of the things I’d managed to save when the ceiling caved in during what’s come to be known to Londoners as simply The Storm.

“Chan, I was wondering if…” I stop and draw in another deep breath. “Would it be too much to ask you to help arrange Dad’s funeral?”

“Of course I will, darling.” He leans forward and grasps my hand. “Whatever you need.” His eyes flick to Danny. “And that goes for both of you. We’re family.”

I nod and hope that the burning at the back of my throat doesn’t mean the toast is about to make a reappearance. I hand the folder to Chan as he releases my hand. “This is…”

He opens the binder and skims over the first few pages, understanding dawning in his eyes as he reads. “These are your dad’s funeral wishes?”

I nod again and feel Danny holding my hand. “After Dad was diagnosed, he put together the folder himself. He didn’t want to leave me to deal with it all on my own. In there is all of the paperwork from his prepaid funeral plan. If there are any extra costs, I can cover them.”

“We,” Danny corrects. “We can cover them.”

I blink back the wetness in my eyes and squeeze Danny’s hand, grateful for his support and strength. “Everything’s in there. Flowers he likes, songs, readings, poems. He liked all of them so he said I could pick one I like or just select them at random. There’s also a list of his friends and old work colleagues, people who knew him that I wasn’t familiar with. The list will be out-of-date now, but I’m hoping enough people on there will know how to contact anyone else who might want to come to the funeral.”

“Oh! Anthony and Bryan are on the list,” Chan says in surprise. “I didn’t know they knew your dad.”

“Who’re Anthony and Bryan?” I ask.

“They used to work at that bar, Blue Thunder, with Bruce and Ari back in the day.”

“They knew Bruce?” I blink and Chan nods. “Small world.”

“It is. Bryan was very close to Jeff, who owned Blue Thunder and several other bars and clubs. When Jeff passed away from complications due to HIV, he left everything to Bryan. Bryan’s a silent partner in The Rainbow Room too, as well as still owning and running many of the other venues. He’s got quite the little empire. As for Anthony, he’s the best. I adore him. He runs an alternative boutique named Honey’s. Used to be a costumer for the BBC, and he’s been providing drag outfits for all of us for years.”

“Wow, it is a small world,” Danny agrees.

“I’ll give him a call. Maybe he’ll know others who would want to come to Martin’s funeral.” Chan rummages around in his oversized handbag and pulls out a notepad and a glittery pen.

For the next half hour, we run through all the details from venues for the cremation and wake to what to have as flowers and for the finger-food buffet. I know a lot of people ask for donations instead of flowers. But I want them, big, beautiful blooms and arrangements in lots of happy colours to celebrate how amazing my dad was.

Danny had already arranged with Lois to have Dad’s body moved from Sunrise to a funeral home and although there’s still so much more to sort out, I’m so grateful that I have both of them. When I remember what my life was like before Danny and the others came crashing into it, I can’t imagine having to do this all on my own. I think it really would have broken me. But looking at the pair of them debating vegan alternatives to sausage rolls and mini pork pies, I know I’m going to be okay. Eventually.

“Thank you both,” I say suddenly, cutting into their discussion. “I love you both so much, you know that, right? I mean, I know I kinda checked out this week, but I couldn’t do this without you.”

“We know, sweetie.” Chan smiles and picks up the binder to pass it over to me. However, right before I have a hand on it, something flutters out and lands on the table.

I reach out and pick it up, turning it over. It’s a sealed letter, my name written on the front in my dad’s handwriting.

My fingers tremble as I carefully open it and pull out a letter dated not long after his diagnosis. I feel Danny scoot closer to me and lean his arm on the back of my chair so he can stroke the back of my hoodie.

Swallowing tightly, I unfold the paper and clear my throat, then start reading aloud.

Dear Tristan,

Writing this letter is probably a little premature. It’s been two weeks since I was told what my fate is to be. A slow decline into forgetfulness until I don’t know who I am anymore, but even worse is the thought that I will not know who you are. That breaks my heart more than anything. I can’t imagine a world where I don’t know you, where I don’t love you with my whole heart.

I’m scared, Tris, scared of losing who I am, of you losing me. I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t know how quickly my illness will progress. I’m told I may not even notice as the little things that make me who I am slip away. It will simply become my new reality.

I’m going to put my funeral plans together in a binder so when the time comes it will be as easy for you as I can make it. I don’t want to be a burden to you, not when you have brought such joy to my life.

So I’m sitting and writing this now before I begin to disappear. I want to make sure I get the chance to say all the things I may not be able to later on.

You’ve heard your mother and I say this your whole life but, Tristan, you really were our miracle. We never thought we’d be blessed with a child. After so many years of disappointment and heartbreak, we were told it just wasn’t possible for us. But when we’d given up all hope, you were sent to us. A gift straight from Heaven. I’ve never been a particularly religious man, but every day I’ve thanked whatever powers that sent you to us.

I’m so proud of you, proud of the man you’ve become. After we lost your mother, there were days when I didn’t think I could go on, but you… you saved me, Tristan. You were my reason for every day. My joy, my deepest love, and I can only hope that when the time comes and I’m gone, that you have someone who can be that for you.

That’s my wish for you. That you find someone to love you, someone worthy of you, and friends to fill your life with. True friends are worth more than gold and if you let them, they will be your family.