Page 108 of Dead Serious: Case 3 Mr Bruce Reyes

“I want Mr Tickles inside me, now!” The woman says breathlessly. There’s a rustle of clothing being shoved aside and then the sound of twin moans followed by the rhythmic thumping of the shelving unit against the wall.

“Fuck,” Sam mouths.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what they’re already doing. I’d never wish premature ejaculation on any man, but god I hope he’s a fast finisher. Some of us have an apocalypse to avert.

I gingerly peek around the corner of the island. I can’t see the amorous couple testing the structural integrity of the shelving unit, but I can see Danny with his back pressed to the side of the alcove he’s hiding in. He catches my eye and shrugs, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

I fight to hold in my own chuckle at Danny’s expression. Given no other choice, I settle back against the back of the island and wait for them to finish.

T-Minus 2 Hours…

“Ohhhhhhhh yyyesss!!! You naughty, naughty boy!!! Ohhhhh ohhh ahhhhh!!! Yesss…. Yesss. Yesss….. Harder, harder!!!

Bored, I prop my hand on my chin and tap an index finger against my leg.

T-Minus 1 Hour, 45 minutes…

“Ohhhh! Ahhhhhhh! Yes, yes, yes, yes! Oh, Mr Tickles, you’re so big!!!”

“You’ve really got to admire his stamina,” Sam whispers quietly, not that the spanky, tickly twins behind us would notice. “Blue pill,” he mouths. “Bet you.”

“Ahhh, ahhhh, ahhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh…”

Oh my god, one of them is actually making noises like a chipmunk now. I roll my eyes and bang my head lightly against the back of the island behind me.

We really don’t have time for these two to go for a record in the world’s most inconveniently timed workplace sexcapades category.

I look down at my watch and shake my head. Grabbing the box of Bruce’s bones which has been resting on my lap, I stand abruptly and turn toward the couple.

Insert sound of record screeching to a halt.

The banging stops immediately. The woman is pinned up against the shelving, still fully clothed but with her skirt pushed up and her knickers dangling from one shoe. She stares at me wide-eyed, her lipstick smeared all over her mouth and chin.

The middle-aged guy is slightly balding and still wearing his suit although his trousers and white briefs have pooled around his ankles, revealing argyle socks and sock suspenders. He’s standing between her legs, gripping the backs of her knees as he too stares at me in stupefaction, his collar mussed up and lipstick marks all over his face.

Jesus, did she try to inhale his whole face?

Sam stands up beside me and their eyes widen further. He offers them an awkward smile and inclines his head.

“Morning,” he says casually as he edges around the island, heading toward the door.

Danny clanks out of his hiding space calmly and hobbles across the floor toward the door that Sam’s holding open for him.

“Morning.” Danny also nods to them as he passes and exits the room.

Sam disappears after him and I follow them from the room, pausing at the last moment to stick my head back around the door.

“You know you really should wipe that shelving unit down, it’s supposed to be a sterile environment in her–”

I feel Sam grab me by the scruff of my jacket and haul me out of the room.

T-Minus 1 Hour, 30 minutes…

“Holy shit!” I look up at the sky as we burst out of the building into the open air.

The first thing I notice is that it’s not raining, but I see a boiling, churning, writhing mass of black and grey with an eye at its centre, like a hurricane.

“Jesus Christ!” Danny exclaims. “Look at the sky! It’s like an episode of Dr Who.”