Page 76 of Darkness Births the Stars #1

CHAPTER

Rada

I never felt alone on my little farm in the middle of nowhere.

In the beginning, I cherished the silence. Escaping Lyrheim’s oppressive atmosphere—a constant reminder of all I had lost and all the people I had only disappointed—was a relief. I was finally free from the pretense, free from all the lies. The wildfire coursing through my veins finally quieted.

At night, I didn’t dream of a different life.

Instead, I lay down, weary yet content after a long day’s work.

It was in the mornings, as the first light of dawn brushed the horizon, in those hazy moments before waking, when the impossible seemed tantalizingly within reach.

When I half remembered, half dreamed. Of him.

This was one of the good dreams. One where my mind conjured every sensation with such perfect clarity—the comforting warmth of his taller body enveloping mine, the intoxicatingly dark scent of him teasing my senses, the gentle rhythm of his breath tickling the shell of my ear—that I wished I could hold on to the illusion forever.

Every sensation. I smiled as I felt something hard pressing against my ass.

Desire pulsed in my abdomen, leaving me warm and tingly.

I pushed back immediately, eager for more.

The breathing at my ear quickened, a large hand gliding up over my hip, finding the gap where my tunic had ridden up in my sleep, revealing a sliver of skin.

A groan escaped him when I rolled my hips against him in a languid rhythm.

His touch grew bolder, dipping under the fabric of my underthings.

I parted my legs instinctually, my entire body humming with the muscle memory of a thousand remembered caresses.

Sweet anticipation sent a shiver through me as he took the unspoken invitation, his hand sliding between my thighs.

A needy moan escaped me as he languidly explored me.

I shifted my hips, silently willing him to continue.

Lyr , I could already feel that first glorious moment of him pushing inside me.

Filling me in exactly the right way. It was just what I needed after the horrors of yesterday—

And it was utterly real.

I froze, staring at the sunlight streaming through the kitchen window, muscles locked, my breath hissing through suddenly clenched teeth.

I wasn’t in my bed, lost in a pleasurable dream, but in the main room, Noctis curled around me on the narrow cot in front of the fireplace. The dim memory of crawling under the blankets with him and cuddling against him in the middle of the night resurfaced in my memory.

“Are you alright, Baradaz?” Noctis’s voice was raspy, full of sleepy desire. He had stopped moving at the tension in my body.

For one long, indecisive moment, I was tempted to just do it. To let our bodies join, even if our magic was gone forever. It would be so easy. A simple “Yes” to assure him I wanted this, canting my hips up a little, and we could lose ourselves in the warmth of each other.

Yet somehow, I couldn’t. I couldn’t take that last step that would plunge us both over the edge, that would change things between us again irrevocably. Instead, I lay there, unable to speak, trembling.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Noctis noticed my turmoil and scampered away. “I got caught up…”

His voice trailed off as he tangled his feet in our blanket and nearly fell off the cot in his haste, ungraceful for once.

And how fucked up was it that now I missed his touch?

Come back, a small, lonely part of me whispered.

I almost said it out loud. The exasperating man wasn’t going to finish what he had started.

“You’re sorry?” I sat up, my tone harsher than necessary, ripe with accusation and old hurt. “How considerate. You never cared about that in the past.”

I could recall a dozen times he had selfishly taken his pleasure with me, indifferent to the emotional upheaval it caused me.

My words made Noctis stop on his way to the kitchen, though he did not turn around fully as he leaned against the counter.

He must have slipped off his tunic at some point during the night and the early-morning light was unfairly good on him.

My gaze was captured by all that pale skin.

That the sight made me ache for him only fueled my frustrated ire.

“Is it so hard to believe I’ve learned from my mistakes?” What I could see of his expression echoed my frustration. “I promised I wouldn’t do anything you didn’t ask for. And as I said, I keep my promises. I am well aware my touch is the last thing you want right now after what happened yesterday.”

“What?” His desperation sliced through my anger like a knife. Could it be self-loathing darkening his expression? But why? He had saved me, cared for me at my weakest. His guilt over yesterday’s events seemed so misplaced.

Noctis inhaled sharply, his breath ragged. “The mere thought of what could have happened…” His hands clenched into fists, his entire frame tense with fury and sorrow. “You have every right to be disgusted by my presence, to curse my name for putting you in danger.”

“Yesterday was a nightmare. But I don’t blame you,” I replied. “It is not your fault Chaos is drawn to you.”

Noctis shook his head, his expression a mix of regret and determination.

“It’s not that simple. For centuries, I was the Adept of Chaos, using its power to further my ambitions.

It was my fault that Yggdrasil was destroyed.

I am not delusional; I recognize the role I played in letting Chaos rage free again. ”

“Wait, that’s not—”

“You don’t have to spare my feelings,” he cut in, a haunted expression on his face, eyes still averted. “I sensed you stiffen just now. You could hardly endure my touch.”

He was different, I realized. More open, more… mortal. I was not the only one changed by the loss of my powers.

I fiddled with the blanket, considering my answer.

It was true that I wanted him to take more responsibility for his past deeds, to help me heal the wounds he had caused.

But not at the price of the terrible anguish on his face.

I would not use the bond between us to manipulate him.

Not any longer. If he chose to seek penance for his deeds, it must be by his own free will.

“What made me stop had nothing to do with yesterday,” I said truthfully. “I just realized how easy it would be to fall back into old habits.”

Noctis’s eyes snapped to me at those words, the faintest hint of a smile raising the corner of his lips. “So, I’ve become one of your bad habits?”

“A habit I seem unable to break, regrettably.” I found myself smiling in return. “But then, my persisting weakness for you cannot come as a surprise. It has been a few moons and you’re still here.”

Noctis’s mood visibly lightened at my open acknowledgment of that fact, his smile growing smug. “So, you admit that you still desire me?” he asked, turning back toward me.

My memory might not have done him justice in every regard, the irresponsible, still aroused part of me mused. An unconscious gasp left my lips as I took in the proud length of his cock straining against his breeches, his earlier desire reignited.

“I could come back to bed.” The gleam in Noctis’s eyes warned me the perceptive bastard had caught my ogling. “If you want me to.”

Oh no. It would take more than a few pretty promises for me to let him back into my bed and my life. Time to wipe that self-satisfied smirk off his face.

“And if I just want us to be friends?” I asked, trying to sound unperturbed.

“Friends,” Noctis echoed, one eyebrow arching in disbelief. I couldn’t blame him. The notion that we could ever be something as simple—as innocent—as friends was utterly absurd.

“Or, more precisely, allies.” I kept my tone calm and decisive. “You just said it yourself. You are the Adept of Chaos. And that means you know best how to deal with its threat. We could combine our resources, find out what’s really going on together.”

He had known how to handle the Chaos storm, had saved me from Vultaron’s attack, had taken care of me at my most vulnerable.

Together, we were a formidable force, even without our powers.

Perhaps this was the way to move forward.

Propose an alliance and keep all the inadvisable feelings simmering between us out of the way while we concentrated on the looming threats around us.

I resolutely brushed aside the memory of the kiss we had shared amid the storm—how it had soothed a pain I had carried for so long, a pain whose depth I had only realized when it was gone.

Noctis straightened, meeting my gaze in silent challenge. He prowled to the cot’s edge, smooth muscles tensing with each step, making it hard to keep my eyes on his face.

“You thought about it.”

As his warm fingers caught my chin, I trembled. At his insolence. Not at the unbidden thought of those fingers encircling my wrists, pinning me down on that narrow cot while he covered my body with his.

“And you deemed me worthy of your time, my queen? How gracious.”

His grip tightened; our gazes locked.

“Don’t forget, Baradaz,” he murmured, his voice a low, dangerous growl. “I am not a dog to be kept on a leash.”

A warning. I would be a fool not to heed it.

This was the one thing Briseis and I had overlooked when discussing how we could exploit Noctis’s connection to Chaos: he would always pursue his own agenda.

Expecting him not to seize the earliest chance to reclaim his powers was na?ve. Rebellion was in his blood.

The thought should have made me apprehensive. Instead, it stirred an all-too-familiar excitement within me—the urge to tangle with his darkness once more, to meet him in kind.

“Of course not,” I replied evenly, desperate to hide the effect he had on me. “The word ‘allies’ suggests a partnership of equals, working together toward a shared goal.”