Page 32 of Darkest Craving

VICTORIA

A t the crack of dawn, I trudge to the stables, hoping Alaska can calm me down. I haven’t slept all night, and I don’t know what else to do or where else to go.

I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do about Anya and my mom.

My anxiety comes back in waves. I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

Every moment I’m not trying to bring them back is a moment they spend in pain.

And while they didn’t lift a finger to get to me, it doesn’t matter.

They’re still my family, the people who raised me for better or for worse, and as it turns out, I don’t have another one, anyway.

I’m restless the entire time I’m in the stables. It doesn’t take long before I say goodbye to Alaska and go back inside, the smell of iced tea hitting my nostrils.

A loud, chirping laugh pierces the air, followed by more just like it. When I enter the dining room, Ekaterina is sitting at the table with two other women.

“Mmm,” she says, swallowing a sip of tea. “Victoria. There you are, darling.”

I approach the table, feeling the lingering gazes of the other women on me.

“I need to talk to you.”

To my surprise, she puts down her cup of tea and nods, her jolly expression fading.

“You’ll have to excuse me, ladies. I have something to take care of. Same time next week?”

She doesn’t wait for the others to confirm it. Just gets up and wraps her arm around my shoulders, inviting me to walk forward, away from them.

“Let’s go into my husband’s office. We can talk there while he’s gone.”

My anxiety picks up again as she drags me with her into Yuri Rykov’s office. It’s bad enough I have to be in his house. But in his personal space? A shiver runs through me at seeing all his belongings plastered all over the room—books, and glasses. Images of him and his sons. Of Wolfgang.

Guilt wraps around me like a tight shroud.

I probably shouldn’t be here with his step-mom.

If he cared about me at all, knowing I’m confiding in her would hurt him.

Though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a fuck.

Not after what he said to me last night.

Besides, what else can I do? He’ll get his throne eventually.

But Anya and my mom… they might not live to see another day if I don’t act now.

“Here we are,” Ekaterina says, closing the door behind me. “Don’t tell me. You told Wolfgang what you know, and he flipped out?” She walks to the desk and leans her hips against the edge, watching me from under her sculpted eyebrow.

I close my eyes for a second, inhaling sharply. “We had a fight. He said some things…”

“Of course he did. Look. I know he hasn’t been entirely horrible to you, but you have to admit, the way he handled this situation wasn’t exactly right.”

No, it wasn’t.

“My guess is he took your mother and your sister before he developed any feelings for you. And now he’s upset that you know the truth, because he knows he can’t bring them back. So…” She shrugs. “He flipped out. Made it seem like it was all your fault. Tell me I’m wrong.”

It’s almost as if she was right there in the room with us. Maybe she knows him better than I thought.

Which would mean she’s probably right… about everything.

“It doesn’t make sense.” I sigh, my breath trembling out in front of me. “He did so much to protect me…”

“You’re important to him. It’s obvious. But you have to understand, it’s only so that he can secure his throne. So he can show the world Nikolai Romanov’s daughter is his whore.”

I flinch at the last word. He's never called me that. Never made me feel that way. There must be something deeply wrong with me because I enjoyed every second of being his, regardless of what he was trying to show the world.

Still, as much as I hate to admit it, Ekaterina’s words resonate.

“Did you ask him for the truth?”

I nod. “Yes. And he was… angry. He never…”

He never specifically told me what I saw wasn’t real. He never even defended himself. Then he took my pain and twisted it, making me bleed in front of him. Said I was no different than my Father. That I deserved being unwanted by the family I was trying to protect.

I don’t realize I’m crying until I hear Ekaterina say, “It’s alright, darling. It’s alright.”

But it isn’t. Nothing is alright anymore. The man I love doesn’t love me back, and my family is gone.

A decision settles in me, and suddenly, I’m no longer on the fence about what to do.

I take one last deep breath before I fold my arms and tell Ekaterina everything.

How Wolfgang lied to the Pakhan so he could spend the night with me.

How the shooting hasn’t been fully debunked.

How he’ll be gone tomorrow to keep searching.

She nods through it, saying just enough to make me believe she’ll keep her word.

I don’t feel relief yet—not until she comes back to tell me Anya and my mother are saved.

Then she leaves, and I’m empty, and I wish the ground would just swallow me.

I betrayed the man I love… And I hope he never knows it was me. Because if he does, he won’t even have to kill me. I’ll wither away on my own anyway.

For now, I keep telling myself I did the right thing, even if something inside me already knows I just burned the only bridge I’ve ever wanted to keep.