Page 27 of Darkest Craving

VICTORIA

I brush my fingertips over his tattoos, the ink deep, faded. Various patterns—like old roots—curl around his arm and biceps, crawling up to his neck and down to his abdomen. I stop on his shoulder, where two small circles get my attention. Wounds.

I tilt my head up, brushing against his chest, only to catch him watching me.

“Snake bite,” he says, his voice low and deep, rugged with sleep. His hair is beautifully tousled, jawline shadowed with the beginning of stubble. I can’t take my eyes off him.

I smile. “Makes sense.”

“Why is that?”

Wolf swipes his hand over my naked hip, caressing me, and I can’t help but nestle myself deeper into him. He’s so warm and big—being in his arms makes my surrender taste sweet. In here, everything else is meaningless. And all the pain I harbor inside is suddenly gone.

“It’s the kiss of the devil,” I say, stretching like a cat. “He favors you.”

He puffs out a laugh.

“What? Have you never heard of the devil’s luck?”

“I have. But I don’t think it’s that. Because I make my own luck.” His hand cups the side of my face as he leans down to kiss me. When he pulls back, our eyes lock, and we stay there for a few moments.

This… is new. And I’m trying not to get my hopes up… because I don’t know what he’s thinking, and I won’t confess more than I already have. But for the first time in months, I’m happy. I’m held and worshiped in a way I’ve never been before. So I’ll take it.

“Does it ever keep you up at night?” I murmur. The killing.

He shakes his head, understanding.

“I was raised this way, Victoria. I don’t see the world in black and white—there’s a lot of gray in between. What is a tragedy for one man is the fortune of another. And the other way around.”

Like my father. Wolf took me from him, causing his tragedy. Is this his way of saying I’m his fortune? I stay on his rising chest in silence, thinking about it.

“And you? Does it keep you up?”

My eyes flick upward. “What exactly?”

“Not being able to ride. I took that away from you.”

As if on cue, I tense up, not knowing how to answer it. It doesn’t just keep me up. It rips me apart. Every day, I see those meadows, the forest, the mountains. All I can think of is that feeling… the wind howling in my ears, the sun kissing my skin, my breath catching in my lungs. It’s my drug.

I feel like I can trust him with the truth now, but at the same time, he’s the one who took it from me in the first place. So I’m not sure how to answer him.

“Forgive me,” he says, taking me by surprise. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You’re… apologizing? I thought you never…”

“I don’t have any regrets in my life, Victoria. None. Except the way I’ve treated you since I got you caught up in my life.”

“But not forcing me to marry you.”

“No. Never that.”

“I hope you know how much of an asshole you were to me that day. After we…”

A slow, regretful nod. “I was. And I’m sorry about that too. But what I said wasn’t about you. You got under my skin, and I hated it. You took away my sanity…” He sighs. “Threatened to destroy everything I’ve ever cared about.”

“Which is what?” I whisper.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he says, disappointment squeezing my chest. Does he still not trust me? “I’ll fix it. And you, love, are getting more than a small apology for what I’ve done.”

A lazy smile spreads on my lips, my own voice, too, still hooded with the spell of sleep. “I’d love that, but I’m still so sore from last night…”

He kisses me again, and again. “Go get dressed. Let’s get you a horse, then we’ll head back.”

***

Hay. Leather. Hoof polish and barn.

In here, I can smell my childhood… my whole life.

Inhaling, I hold on to the scent like it might disappear if I close my eyes, like I’m not quite believing this is happening and the man who swore to ruin me is the one making my heart grow right now.

My husband’s hand is on the small of my back, leading me from stable to stable, but not stopping in front of any. I don’t care which one we get. I just want… want to nuzzle my face into one’s neck, inhaling the calming scent of their coat. And take them home.

Home. What a strange thing to say. But if he truly means it—if he’ll really do this for me… then maybe I can make the Rykov Estate my home. It’s the only place I’ve ever been wanted, after all.

The stable owner—Jack Mulligan, as he introduced himself—walks in front of us, answering Wolf’s many questions about the horses he picked out for me to look at.

“Brought in three options from the bloodlines Mr. Kasparov recommended. All fit for trail, calm temperament, light jumping experience,” Jack says.

I slow down, unsure of what I’ve just heard. But Wolf throws me a knowing look, confirming it. He didn’t just bring me here on a whim. He talked to Sasha. Asked him about my needs, so he knew what I’d want.

The thought that the two of them were in touch to discuss me brings tears to my eyes. The stables become webbed, blurry. And the next thing I know, my husband stops in front of me, his thumbs brushing my wet face.

“What’s wrong, Victoria?”

I shake my head between his wide palms. “I’m sorry. I just… you don’t know how much I needed this. I haven’t…” I inhale, letting the air out slowly.

“Everything alright?” Jack asks.

Wolf never takes his eyes off me as he says, “Go without us. We’ll find you.” His voice lowers, just for me to hear. “Talk to me.”

I swallow hard. “Every morning when I woke up, I had this… this empty hole in my chest. And no matter how much you distracted me with everything… at night… the feeling would wait for me to be alone again. Then it would…” I sob. “Tear m-me apart.”

“Fuck,” he mutters, pulling me into his chest. I wrap my arms around his torso, burying my crying face into his shirt. He smells so good, so familiar, it makes me cry harder. “I’m so sorry, love. I’m so, so sorry,” he whispers, his heartbeat strong and steady.

The rhythm grounds me, emptying me of pain. And it dawns on me now that although Wolfgang wrecked my heart and made a mess of it since dragging me into his world, he’s also the only one who knows how to mend it. I don’t need a home to come back to.

I’ve already got it.

And he’s right here, in front of me.