Page 30

H.I.M

She must have been here a while, because she isn't vomiting like all the others. That's good. The smell won't get worse if she doesn't vomit. I hate the smell. I hate the air; it's cold and damp and sticks to my skin like a second layer.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

The darkness took me. No. That's a lie. I gave myself to the darkness. In the darkness, I don't feel. I don't see. I don't hear. I like it there… No one can hurt me there.

But there are times, times when it would feel like I'm waking up and I would hear them. Their cruel laughter, picture their twisted smiles. I would feel the fear that I'm next.

Sometimes, I wish I could help. I wish I had the nerve to say something, I wish… I wish I were brave.

But then the darkness would take me away again.

The darkness is my friend.

My new neighbour is different, though. She doesn't scream, she doesn't cry, she doesn't beg. I think she's like me; I think she's friends with the darkness. But then… She sings. It's warm, like home. Sometimes I stay awake long enough to listen.

I pull my knees to my chest, the iron chains with the weird red marking wrapped around my wrists and ankles. They rattle faintly every time I shift. I hate it; I hate drawing attention, but it hurts to sit still all the time. I can't do it. I won't survive.

My breaths are shallow, more gasps than sighs, and the water dripping from the ceiling has become a way to count time in my despair.

I used to hear my mother speak to me all the time. It was nice until she left me, too, on day 310. I don't think she's coming back. I think I'm alone.

My stomach churns with hunger; it’s familiar now. The hunger pangs stopped hurting after day 82, but it wasn't until day 94 that I learnt to eat what measly amounts of food I was allowed, slowly enough to last a couple of hours.

But then, a voice distracts me. It’s Ricci. “At least I will, Baby Flame.”

I frown. I don’t like the way he said that. The name curled off his tongue like smoke, like he’s savouring it. Like he named the fire just to watch it burn out.

A faint sound — heavy breathing that sounds so much like my own — tugs at my consciousness, calling me back to reality as my mind spirals again.

I stiffen, because the sound feels like it’s coming from behind me.

I can hear the excruciating pain she's trying to desperately hide as if she's breathing directly into my ear.

I tilt my head because there is something about her breath. Something calm and strong, even when I know how much pain she feels.

And then I hear the strangest sound. It bleeds from her lips and thickens the air with a promise that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention: "I'll survive you, and even if I don't… You'll never break me."

She sounds young, maybe a year or two younger than me. But this place has a way of maturing you faster than a child should, so I can’t doubt her words, because I can hear the mix of emotions in her tone; anger, fearlessness… hope.

Anyone would think she's stupid for challenging Ricci, because he has all the power.

But the girl doesn’t seem to care. She isn’t afraid of his wrath. I know why. I know it’s because she knows she’s going to die here. She has nothing to lose.

I hear Ricci retreating, his footsteps heavy with anger. Something inside me shifts at the sound of his anger. A deep satisfaction that brings a smile to my lips. He’s always been so smug. A force that seemed so powerful, so frightening to me.

He never seemed affected by the pain he caused. There was always a deadly calmness about him that seemed untouchable.

But this girl — this broken, fragile human — affected him with only a few words. Caused ripples in his foundation.

He'll definitely take his anger out tomorrow, but tonight, she won.

No one's ever won in this place before.

I open my eyes and stare blankly at the wall ahead of me.

The faint torchlight from the corner outside casts jagged shadows on the rough stone walls, their shapes twisting and turning like a pretty dance.

I watch them until I can hear her breathing grow even, a soft lull in the background that has no place residing so deep in this darkness.

“Hello,” I call out into my mind, searching for the creature that lives within me, “are you there?”

My words are met with silence. It's always silence.

“Help her,” I whisper, “please. I'll take the consequences.”

For a long moment, it’s silent. I'm not sure if he chose to listen, but then a deep vibration flows through me, pushing into the wall and causing the weak concrete to sprinkle on top of my head as the sound reaches her, engulfs her, and heals her.

“Why?” A deep voice rumbles, and I'm so shocked by the sound, I'm quiet for a long time before I eventually close my eyes and whisper my reply.

“I like her voice.”