Page 131 of Dance of Thorns

God, I can’t even imagine.

My face twists. “I’m sorry, maybe we shouldn’t have come…” My gaze drops to the grass before I look back to him. “Seriously… Is this weird for you?”

Bane’s face is stoic. But then the corners of his lips curl up as his head swivels, his eyes dragging to mine. Slowly, he smiles and shakes his head.

“No.” His mouth twists. “Well, less weird than you'd think,” he says quietly.

“I feel awful right now,” I mumble, turning to look at Lark’s gravestone.

“Don’t.”

My pulse skips as he takes my hand and squeezes it firmly.

“People enter our lives, and sometimes they leave them sooner than we'd like.” He turns toward me, his eyes locked with mine. “But the world keeps turning. We keep breathing. We keep choosing to live, every day.”

I look back to Lark’s resting place, smiling weakly.

“Is this wrong?” I say quietly. “Would she hate us for this?”

I think I'm asking her as much as him.

He shakes his head from side to side. “I think she’d be proud of the woman you’ve become,” he murmurs. “Of all the challenges you've overcome to be here still; breathing, standing on a world that keeps turning.” He smiles. “Keeping her in your heart.”

We turn back to the gravestone, and stand there in silence for another minute, until he squeezes my hand again.

“I’m going to give you a minute alone with her,” he says gently.

“I—you don’t have to…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I know you…”

My heart twists around itself.

“I know you loved her…”

Bane stretches his large hand out to cup my cheek. When I open my eyes, I see him standing right in front of me, looking deep into my soul.

“Yes, I loved her,” he says quietly. “AndI love you.” He shakes his head slowly. “That’s not an either/or statement, baby.”

My brows knit. “I’m notjealousthat you loved her,” I blurt. “I just?—”

Fuck.

No.

That’s a big, fat lie.

Iamjealous. It’s just that I fucking hate myself for it.

“You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel, little bird,” he murmurs. “And you’re allowed to feel it without beating yourself up about it.”

He leans down and kisses me softly.

“If I say something, do you promise to take it at face value without looking for a deeper meaning, or wondering if I mean something else by it?”

I smile wryly. “I’ll try.”

Bane leans down to touch his forehead to mine.

“I’m confident that she’d be more than okay with this,” he murmurs. “With you and me. I need you to believe me on that.”