Page 29 of Dance of the Phoenix (Cloak of the Vampire #3)

Aileen

I told Ragnor everything.

How Logan took my side when other kids at school attempted to bully me for my father being in jail at the time. How I practically forced him to have sex with me at too young an age. How our relationship deteriorated into the realms of dysfunctionality and toxicity.

And then, I told him about that one night that changed everything.

“I tortured him,” I whispered, burying my head in his chest, unable to look at his face as I shared this next part.

The part I’d been fighting not to talk about.

The part I wished I could bury and forget forever.

“There’s no other word for it, really. It was torture.

And I was ... I was excited , Ragnor. I was so sick that I loved him giving me this power to mentally, physically, and sexually torture him. ”

“Aileen,” Ragnor murmured, hugging me tight but somehow not tight enough for me to feel safe from my own past mistakes.

I shook my head. “I know what I did. I’m not stupid. I acted the same way I’d seen my father act numerous times. I acted like the monster Logan now sees me as. The same monster I know, deep inside, I truly am.”

The monster Logan kept claiming I was, and rightfully so.

“You’re not a monster, Aileen,” Ragnor said, leaning back so he could cup my face and raise it so I would look at him.

“What you did was wrong. I won’t deny it.

But you grew up in a horrible environment that showed you these things were okay.

That’s the only reason why you turned out the way you did. You have to show yourself some mercy.”

I gave him a small, bitter smile that made Ragnor’s arms squeeze around me. “I might forgive my actions when I was far too young to understand things properly,” I said quietly, “but I was seventeen when I did that to Logan. I can never, ever forgive myself for that, nor do I intend to.”

My words lingered for a few long moments in the air before he pressed his lips to my forehead, his touch gentle and warm. “I’m truly sorry you had to go through that,” he murmured against my skin. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

I leaned back to look at him with sudden caution. “Logan still bears a lot of resentment toward me,” I murmured, pained, “which I don’t have the right to blame him for. But he ... tried something earlier.”

Ragnor stilled, gaze sharpening. “What did he do?”

Looking away, I sucked in a breath and said, “He ... well, we fought, and he ... kissed me.”

He tensed, gaze turning into a full-on glare. “Did you kiss him back?”

I shook my head vehemently and cupped his face. “No, Ragnor, I didn’t,” I said hastily, “and I’m only telling you this so you know I don’t hide anything from you. But please don’t make this into a big deal. I plan to deal with Logan on my own. He’s my problem.”

I could tell Ragnor hated hearing this, thanks to the little twitch in his eye. “He touched you against your will,” he bit out, glowering at my lips. “And you expect me to let it go?”

“Please,” I whispered and pressed my lips against his softly. “Do this for me. Please. ”

Please have faith in me. Trust me. Believe in me, I begged silently. Please.