Page 22 of Dance of the Phoenix (Cloak of the Vampire #3)

She’d tried to text me, call me, approach me in any sort of way she could. But I didn’t know what I would feel the first time I saw her after what she’d done to me. I was scared to find a monster in place of the girl I loved so much.

It took everything in me to finally agree to see her. We settled on meeting at her home, in the backyard, but not in the shed. I couldn’t handle the shed.

The moment I walked into the backyard and saw her was a moment I would never forget.

She was sitting on the grass, staring at the woods beyond the yard, her dark hair falling over her shoulder. She seemed so small and dainty, her olive skin pale under the moonlight, as if one gust of wind could blow her over.

She did not look like a monster.

She looked like the girl I wanted to hold in my arms and never let go of.

Gritting my teeth, I settled down next to her. She obviously knew I was there, but she kept her gaze fixed ahead, wrapping her arms around her folded knees.

Taking a deep breath, I blurted, “My parents don’t want me to see you anymore.”

When she turned to look at me, I averted my gaze, unable to withstand the full shock of her face after so long. It was already hard just sitting there next to her, longing for her, feeling my body humming in her presence as if she hadn’t caused it the worst pain of my life.

“I want to touch you,” she said, and I could hear the genuineness in her words. This was Leenie, the girl I loved, talking. Not Aileen the monstrous torturer.

Feeling my heart breaking at what had become of us, I couldn’t help but say the truth. “I want to touch you too.” But I couldn’t—or rather, I wouldn’t. How could I, after everything?

She was quiet, and I felt my breaths grow haggard as tears filled my eyes. Suddenly, words bubbled in my throat, and I had to get them out. “I love you, Aileen,” I whispered. “I’ve never loved anyone before, and yet ...”

From the corner of my eye, I saw her raising her hand, as if to console me.

And even though my body was drawn to her along with my mind, my instincts made me recoil, unable to allow her to touch me.

Hating this, hating myself, I turned to face her, eyes wide and full of desperation.

“Why did you have to do that?” I asked accusingly. “Why did you have to ... to—”

She cut me off. “It’s what I know, Logan.” Her voice cracked, and her eyes seemed shattered and broken. “It’s the only way I know how to show you I love you—”

I snapped. “When you love someone, you don’t send them to the hospital!” My voice rose. “When you love someone, you make sure they’re safe, that they’re ... they’re—”

“I was lost!” she cried out, her body trembling. “I was stupid, and lost, and goddammit, Logan, it happened right after everything went down with my father—”

“We’re not fucking kids anymore, Aileen!” I shouted, all the confusing emotions inside me bursting out. “You’re acting like you’re still Daddy’s little lost girl—”

“Don’t you dare,” she hissed, glaring at me. “You don’t know what happened—”

“Then why don’t you ever tell me anything?

” I couldn’t help but scream. Because it was the truth; she never told me a thing.

Everything I knew about her was because of my parents or some newspaper articles.

She never opened up to me fully, never shared what she truly went through.

“In the past four years I’ve been dating a fucking ghost. A ghost, Aileen!

” My voice trembled. “I know nothing about you or your circumstances—heck, I only know the dry fucking details because I fucking googled it! And you never told me shit! What did your father do? What the hell happened before you were brought over to our house?”

Her eyes filled with pain that drove me crazy. “Teach me how to love you properly, and I promise you,” she said, almost begging, “I will tell you everything.”

How dare she feel pain? How dare she beg me to stay with her, to “teach her how to love me” after everything she’d done?

The audacity ... the selfishness ...

And yet, despite it all, I couldn’t hate her.

I just couldn’t . Because all I could feel when I saw the pain in her eyes, even after everything, was the need to love her and protect her.

“Love should come naturally, effortlessly,” I spit out, disgusted with both her and myself.

“It should never be forced or taught. That you wish for it to be this way ...”

Her eyes widened with fear. “Don’t leave me.”

I barked out a bitter laugh. “That’s what you don’t get about love, Aileen. Even though I’m so fucking angry with you, and even though you hurt me more than anyone else in this world, I will never be able to leave you. This is love in its most honest and brutal form.”

And then, I gave in.

I pushed her down on the grass. I kissed her, ripped her clothes off, and buried myself inside her moments later.

Nothing was solved. And yet the staggering need I felt for her overpowered any sense of logic and rationality.

Little did I know it would be the last time I would see Aileen for years to come.