Page 52 of Dance of Defiance

I love Bane, just like I love all my friends. Like I love my sister.

But they can’t help me.

I can’t let them get close to me, or I’ll make them sick too.

Because that’s what I am.

Contagion.

Corruption.

A fucking black hole.

And it's time to disappear into it.

Bane’s still watching me, his face tight and his eyes blazing as I melt into the crowd, arms raised, and let the swarming mass of chaos and violence and darkness envelop me.

11

VAL

Roman

I’m sorry

I takea slow drag of my cigarette and exhale, leaning against the brick wall at my back and looking up at the city looming above me.

The alley behind the Mercury Theater is a bit of a transitional zone where we—the dancers—step out of the real world and pause for a moment to discard outside things like overdue rent, relationship issues, self-doubt, family shit, or whatever. It's a place to shed who we areoffstage and become who we areonit.

I’m not a religious person, never will be. But I dunno. To me, this alley is hallowed ground. A sacred space.

You can still hear the traffic of Madison Avenue and East 49thStreet and the general background din of the city throbbing like a concrete heartbeat around you. But it’s still a place of peace for me.

I’m early this morning, which is good. I need a little longer here today. I frown, slowly dragging on the cigarette again as my eyes skim over Roman’s obviously sloppy-drunk DMs from five nights ago.

I’ve already read them.

Several, several times.

I’ve even been tempted to respond.

But fuck him. Not in the fun way. In the “fire him out of a goddamn cannon, directly away from me,” way.

My lips purse as I take another drag, trying to clear my head of any thoughts concerning Crown Prince Dickhead himself.

Seriously, fuck him. I cannot andwill notdeal with his hot-and-cold, will-he-or-won’t-he, “I’m not gay” bullshit.

No fucking interest.

Nope.

None.

I close my eyes as porn-level replays of the other day in the steam room come rushing back—and not for the first time, either. They’ve been the feature attraction of my nights recently when I've been stroking myself, remembering every detail of that man shaking and quivering andmoaninginto my mouth.

The feel of his muscles clenching and twitching. The sound of his breath catching. Those sexy moans—fuck me, those moans.

It hit me the other night just what it is about Roman thatfucks with meso much. Turns me on so fucking much.