Page 206 of Dance of Defiance

I don’t need to be coddled. I don’t want kid gloves or safety railings. Because the world isn’t going to give me those. Theworld is going to continue to scream at me todrink drink drink, because it’s cool, sexy, and will cure all my problems.

That’s just the way it is.

So, no; while I appreciate the way my friends have shown they’re happy to help me with my sobriety, I don’t need their assistance. Which means tonight was my first foray back into a social situation with alcohol flowing freely around me.

And I was…okay.

Not great. Not perfect. I’d be a lying piece of shit if I said I didn’t catch the scent of whiskey at some point and fuckingwanta goddamn drink so bad I would have killed for it.

But I didn’t take it.

I stayed in control.

This demon insidewill not fucking kill me.

I grin as I pull my muted phone out of my pocket and see the text waiting from Val.

Val

How’d it go? U ok?

Val doesn’t knowallthe details of what I was doing tonight, just that it was “mafia-related”, and that I was with the guys. I haven’t told him about the Black Court yet.

That’s a hard rule the five of us made at the beginning. The whole point is that when we’re down there with our masks on, adjudicating the accused, we’re not the heirs or leaders of the various families we belong to.

We’re impartial, faceless judges of the shadows.

So right from the beginning we agreed that we’d never tell anyone—not good buddies or best friends, not girlfriends, nobody. We’ve amended that over the last year to make exceptions for relationships that are clearly for life. Lyra, for example, as Carmine's wife, knows. So do Milena and Naomi.

I want to tell Val. I want to tell him every fucking detail about me. I want to open my life up to him and let him peek around inside. But the Court?

I don’t know if we’re there yet. Close. But I don’t know, and I have to be certain before I share this part of me.

Me

OMG, I’m wasted. So drunk. Barf. Puke. Tequila shots.

Val

That’s not even funny, dickhead.

Me

LOL, it’s a little funny?

Me

No, it went fine. I mean, yeah, I was tempted. But I was okay.

Val

I’m really fucking proud of you. Seriously. You amaze me, wreckage.

I grin, feeling my face throb with heat.

Me

Couldn’t be doing any of it without you.