Page 55 of Damned and Broken Gods (Labyrinth of Gods #2)
The Mirror Doesn’t Lie…Or Does It?
LEELA
T he darkness was viscous and invasive, rippling over my skin, sucking at me and swallowing me whole. I tightened my grip on Dharma and Joe, anchored by their answering squeeze.
I held my breath, air burning my lungs until the darkness receded, revealing a gray flagstone chamber lit by soft amber light that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. There were no windows. No entrance or exit.
To the right were a set of steps that vanished into the ceiling, and to the left another set of steps descended into the dark.
I opened my mouth to speak as a soft androgenous voice filled the chamber.
“Choose the path. Upward or downward. There is no going back once the choice is made.”
The voice faded away.
“I guess the test begins right away,” Dharma said.
“What do you think?” Joe asked, his gaze skipping between us all.
“I don’t know,” Alia said. “Up is usually out, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, but if this is the beginning of the labyrinth, shouldn’t we be going inward? To find our drohi.”
“Ooooh, good point,” Joe said.
Alia chewed on her bottom lip. “But what if that’s what they want us to think? What if up is down and down is up?”
“Oh…good point too,” Joe said.
“Or maybe they want us to think they’re trying to trick us,” Bina said. “Maybe we need to take this early stage at face value.”
“Yep, that sounds good,” Joe said.
Dharma frowned at him. “You got a suggestion?”
Joe winced. “No. I was going to go with group consensus.”
I walked over to the stairs that led up, but warning bells went off inside me. I moved to the steps that led down, and a tugging bloomed in my solar plexus.
“Leela?” Dharma called. “What are you doing?”
I didn’t want my feelings to color theirs. “Checking my gut instinct. I suggest you all do the same.”
I waited as one by one they approached each set of stairs. Once they were done, I arched a brow. “Well?”
“Down,” Dharma and Joe said simultaneously.
“The same,” Bina said.
We looked to Alia. Her gaze flicked to the steps going up. “Yes,” she said. “Down.”
“Down it is.” I took the lead to the top of the staircase and began the descent.
But there was no descent, because as soon as my boot hit the first step, the room around me melted, and mist swirled around me. It eventually cleared, revealing a circular room with dark marble floors and a high ceiling. Four large, ornate, full-length mirrors were placed evenly around the room.
O-kay…were they doorways too? And if so, how did I pick which one to?—
There was movement to my left. I whipped around to find a figure in the mirror. A woman. Slim, gaunt, with huge dark eyes and thin lips. An iron crown sat lopsided on her head. It slipped, and she reached up with bony fingers to adjust it, her gaze fixed on me.
Me…
Oh…
Gods…
The reflection was me. Emaciated and weak.
Her mouth moved in a whisper, and I drifted closer, the need to hear what she had to say a throbbing ache at the base of my throat.
“Not enough,” she said. “You’re not enough. No matter what you do, who you become, you will never be enough.”
“What?”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re not chosen. You’re not even wanted. You’re in survival mode, and there is no greatness in that.”
The pulse at the base of my throat throbbed as her words penetrated. Not enough. Not for the people at school, not for Matt, and not for Araz. No matter how much I loved, how hard I fought, how much I cared, I was never enough.
My skin prickled, and I lifted my arm, thin and bony now, the wrist knobbly to match the reflection.
“No…”
“Yes, Leela. You’re nothing.” The reflection held out her arms. “But I love you. Come join me and we can finally rest.”
And, oh gods, the temptation was a rush of heat through my aching bones.
To just stop. To just be…nothing. To sleep and forget.
There’d be peace in that. She was right.
There was no one that really wanted me. Needed me, maybe, but wanted?
The only person that had loved me in that way was Nani, but even then…
I wasn’t sure if her love had been an obligation.
A duty to protect me. And Pashim? I would never know because he’d been taken from me.
Araz wanted me, but I wasn’t enough for him either.
I took a step forward, but my gut tightened, something inside me halting my feet.
“Leela, come to me.” The figure held out its hands, eyes gleaming crimson for a beat. I stepped back, my heart hammering against my ribs. “You know I’m right.”
I cast my mind back on all the times I’d felt ‘not enough.’ All the moments of doubt. But there’d been a time when those doubts hadn’t existed. A time of innocence and wonder, when anything was possible.
A time when I had been enough.
The voices that said otherwise were twisted. Distortions of who I truly was.
“Leela!” The figure’s eyes widened. “Come to me.”
Yeah, like hell. “I think I’ll pass, love. And you know why? Because all I need to do to be enough is to be true to myself. So yeah, I don’t give a shit what others think. I am enough.”
The figure shrank. Her crown melted. Her face blurred. The mirror was nothing but a mirror once more.
A soft voice filled the room. “The Hollow One rests.”
The knots that had formed in my stomach unraveled. I’d done it. I’d passed, right? I glanced around. “Is that it? What now?”
Light bloomed to my right, coming from another mirror. I squinted until it dimmed to reveal my reflection. This time I was dressed in gold and white robes with a silver crown floating an inch above my head like a halo.
“Go on, what deep inner wound do I have to overcome this time?”
Because that was obviously what this was. Hold up a mirror to my psyche and watch me crumble. Yeah, I was on to the system.
My reflection smiled. “We failed to save Nani. In fact, we brought death to her doorstep. If we’d stayed away, she might be alive right now, but as usual, we went running back to her as soon as things got tough.”
My mouth went dry. “I couldn’t have known what would happen.”
“No? We dreamed it, though. We dreamed of her demise, and we ignored it. Selfish.”
I felt a tightness around my ankle and looked down to see green vines climbing up my leg.
“Stop it!”
“And Pashim…You were so eager to prevent Joe’s death, to somehow make up for causing Nani’s that you forced Pashim to sacrifice himself to save you. His poor insignificant life to protect yours.”
“No, that isn’t true.”
The vines climbed up to my thighs.
“And Priti? Sweet, innocent Priti, dead because you wanted to play the hero and save Vick.”
I bit back a sob as vines tightened around my torso.
“I didn’t…I wasn’t…”
“We must admit it,” she said. “We failed, but we won’t fail again. We will protect them. Die for them. That is our purpose now. Because if we cannot be a martyr then what are we good for?”
The truth of that echoed inside me. The need to protect. To give everything no matter the cost to my own life.
“Would you die for them? Die to bring them all back?”
“Yes…” Tears burned my eyelids.
Vines slipped around my throat and tightened.
I closed my eyes, sobs clawing up my throat. “I’m sorry, so sorry…”
Leela…
“Araz?”
Oh, Leela, your pain…it cuts deep. I feel it. It holds you back. Your guilt is shackles that keep you from your true purpose.
His voice cleared a little of the fog in my brain. This was a test. There was no bringing back the dead, and if I died, then all the people relying on me would be doomed.
I couldn’t be a martyr. Not now. “I have to save myself before I can save anyone else. I need to be my own savior.”
The vines fell away, turning to ash which vanished before it hit the ground, and my reflection faded.
Once again, a soft, androgenous voice filled the chamber. “The Devoted One rests.”
Silence fell, and I reached for Araz in my mind. “Araz, you’re here?”
His voice bloomed in my head, deep and gravelly and mine . Yes, Leela, I’m with you. In your mind. We do this together.
The mirror in front of me flickered to life with another version of me. Flames licked at her body, and an inferno burned in her eyes. She didn’t speak; instead she stepped out of the mirror, a flaming sword materializing in her flame hands.
“You’re going to burn them all,” she said. Then she attacked.