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CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

ONE MONTH LATER

Gabriel was sweaty and hot as he moved beside the other bodies on the dance floor, the strobe lights bouncing off the faces of strangers and colorful smoke puffing up from different areas of the nightclub as music blared throughout the building.

Enzo hooked his arm with Gabriel’s and they walked away from the floor to the nearby bar, his body swaying as he came to lean his arms on the sticky counter to steady himself. Enzo stood next to him, his short blonde hair messy and with a grin on his face. After a few seconds, Gabriel felt a hand on his waist from behind, and when he turned to look at who was beside him, his heart stuttered and his breath caught in his throat.

The man was bigger than him, and he had a buzzcut. For a moment, Gabriel thought Viktor was standing right in front of him, in the flesh, but even though he wasn’t sober, Gabriel knew without a doubt this wasn’t Viktor. This guy only looked like him. Still, it made his heart pick up speed.

The stranger, with his hand still on the small of Gabriel’s back, leaned in close, lips to his ear, and asked, “Can I buy you a drink?”

At a loss for words, Gabriel stared at him and nodded. The man pulled back, a slight smile on his lips. Staying silent, he watched as the stranger ordered a drink from the bartender, took out his wallet to pay, then tucked the leather back into his jeans pocket. It wasn’t long before two drinks were slid across the counter.

Taking the cold glass, Gabriel sipped slowly, watching as the guy did the same.

“I’m Jack,” he said, voice raised over the loud, thumping base.

Gabriel glanced at Enzo, who smiled at him as though telling him everything was okay. But Gabriel wasn’t anxious about being bought a drink. He was anxious because this person looked like Viktor, and even when Gabriel told himself this guy wasn’t Viktor, it didn’t stop his body from being reminded of him. It didn’t help the creeping arousal that started in his lower belly, and having alcohol in his system seemed to amplify it.

It had already been a month, and although Gabriel wished he could already have moved on and forgotten about Viktor, he couldn’t. He still thought about Viktor even when he didn’t want to, and now, seeing how much Jack reminded him of Viktor in appearance, Gabriel couldn’t ignore it. He smiled at Jack. “I’m Gabriel.”

They engaged in small talk about things that didn’t matter, and Gabriel knew it was only a precursor leading to one thing. By the time Gabriel had finished with his drink, he was already being touched by Jack, with the other man holding him against his body, even kissing him every so often.

“Hey,” Enzo said from beside Gabriel. “The club’s gonna close soon. You coming with me or going with him?”

“I’m going with him,” Gabriel said.

Enzo hugged Gabriel. “Be safe,” he said into his ear before pulling away. Gabriel nodded at him and then watched as Enzo walked away before turning to look up at Jack, feeling his stomach flip when they made eye contact.

Jack was similar to Viktor in appearance, with his muscular build and buzzcut, but that was all. Jack wasn’t actually like Viktor at all, he only reminded Gabriel of him. Jack took his hand and Gabriel let him take the lead as they walked out of the nightclub and down the path lit up by street lights.

It’s just a hookup , Gabriel told himself. Just sex, nothing serious.

They waited on the side of the road for a cab, and soon they were sitting together in the back seat on the way to Jack’s place. After a while, the car stopped, and Gabriel got out of the back seat before following Jack to the front door of an apartment complex. Once inside, they walked down the hall and to another door, which Jack unlocked and opened.

Darkness greeted them before Jack flipped on the switch and lit up the apartment. He followed Jack down a short hallway and to an opening that led to a living room, where he observed his surroundings. The place appeared messy, and there was a musty smell, but Gabriel didn’t have time to dwell on it, not when Jack’s hands were already on his hips, pushing his back against the wall and kissing him.

Fluttering his eyes shut, Gabriel wrapped his arms around Jack’s shoulders, feeling as Jack ravaged his mouth, then his neck, and back to his lips again. Gabriel kissed him back, keeping up as much as he could with the sloppy, urgent kisses.

It was easy for Gabriel to think about Viktor with his eyes shut. It was easy for him to just imagine, to pretend that this wasn’t someone else. Gabriel moaned into the kiss, and ground back as he felt hands gripping and squeezing his ass, but when he opened his eyes and saw Jack instead of Viktor, and his stomach lurched, and Gabriel shoved at his chest and rushed into a random room.

To his relief, and luck, it was the bathroom. Gabriel leaned over the sink and dry heaved as he stared into the drain. His muscles tensed and relaxed multiple times, and sweat coated his face and body in a matter of seconds. He coughed and spat into the sink a few times, then turned on the tap and splashed his face with cold water. Turning off the tap, Gabriel didn’t bother to wipe his hands or face, he just walked out of the bathroom feeling damp and shaky and still with an uneasy stomach.

Jack was waiting for him in the hall on the other side of the bathroom, and Gabriel felt his entire body tense. Embarrassment crashed through him, and he wanted more than anything to just run away, to disappear. Jack’s dark brows were drawn in, but it looked nothing like concern. More like annoyance. “You good?”

“I need to go.” Gabriel rushed to the front door and yanked it open, everything around him becoming a blur as he hurried out of the apartment complex and into the crisp, cool night air. He sighed in relief and walked into the dark, and down the cement path only illuminated by dim yellow streetlights. His stomach still rolled, but being outside and away from that guy seemed to help ease his discomfort, even if it was only a little bit.

As Gabriel walked, he couldn’t ignore how he truly felt deep in the depths of his core. Although he’d spent the night drinking, he had a sudden moment of clarity, like the alcohol had evaporated from his body in an instant, leaving his mind clear and certain.

He didn’t want Jack, or anyone else for that matter. He wanted Viktor . Always had, and always would.

But there was no way for Gabriel to reach him. He didn’t have Viktor’s phone number and he didn’t even know where he lived. It’s not like he could just go and see him or talk to him. Viktor was long gone from his life and he wasn’t going to see him again.,but that didn’t stop Gabriel from feeling like he’d done something wrong, that being kissed by Jack made him dirty, like he was doing something behind Viktor’s back. He didn’t belong to Viktor anymore, that was the reality after Viktor had let him go. Despite that, it didn’t stop Gabriel from feeling on a deep level that he did belong to Viktor, and that no one else could touch him or have him. Only Viktor could have him, and that’s all Gabriel yearned for.

Gabriel knew he was only kidding himself, but he still desired to be loved even when everything pointed to the opposite... to him being undeserving of it. The memory of Viktor releasing him still stung and made the cavity of his chest ache. Viktor was the only man he wanted to love and be loved by, but that was all lost now.

Chewing on his lower lip and trying not to let his grief get the better of him, Gabriel stopped and pulled out his phone from his jeans pocket and checked where he was. All the while he fought the urge to cry, and tried to distract himself with seeing how far away he was from home. He groaned when he saw that he was forty minutes away by foot, so he paid for a ride to come and pick him up from the side of the road. Fortunately, it only took a few minutes for the car to arrive and stop before him, and Gabriel got into the back seat feeling exhausted and depressed but relieved to be going home.

When the car stopped in front of his apartment, Gabriel thanked the driver and got out. He opened his front door and walked inside before shutting and locking it behind him. Slipping off his shoes, he stripped on the way to the bathroom and stepped into the shower where he turned on the taps and stood for a while under the cool water with his head down and his eyes closed.

His dark hair fell forward and against his wet forehead as he thought about his night and how badly it had ended. He couldn’t help but cringe and feel disgusting and so stupid for going back to Jack’s house, but at least he hadn’t slept with the guy.

After washing himself, Gabriel turned off the taps and reached for the hanging towel before drying his body, also running it over his hair. Putting the towel up to dry, Gabriel walked naked out of the bathroom and to his bedroom, where he dropped onto the mattress, pulled up the covers, and fell asleep.