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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Naked and satisfied, Gabriel sat on the bed with both of his legs together as he watched Viktor, who was already in his underwear and shirt and was pulling on a pair of pants.

“I’m going to check on a few things,” he said, kissing Gabriel’s cheek before pulling away.

Gabriel nodded and watched as Viktor walked out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Now alone, Gabriel lay down on his back and gazed up at the ceiling. It was quiet in the bedroom, and all he did was relax for a while, feeling no need to do anything for the moment.

The past few days had almost felt like a dream, and he was still a little dazed from their morning sex. He closed his eyes and smiled. Viktor had made him his, and Gabriel had opened up to him about his feelings for him. He felt he’d done the right thing, but anxiety still accompanied him. His fear, no matter how subtle, made him wonder if this was all too good to be true. Gabriel frowned. Viktor wasn’t going to suddenly let him go now, was he?

Would Viktor change his mind about him? Gabriel clenched the bedding in his fist. What if Viktor came to the realization that Gabriel wasn’t good enough for him, and that he truly was an unlovable person? The more he thought about it, the more his emotions started to get the better of him, and Gabriel felt like he was spiraling out of control.

Maybe Gabriel had been wrong about it all. Maybe it really was just all in his head. Viktor had kidnapped him, and Gabriel had no choice but to rely on him for everything. Had Viktor messed him up so badly that he’d fallen in love with his captor? But Gabriel didn’t view him like that anymore.

Viktor was a person, not a monster, and not his enemy either. He was someone who’d been good to him and had even done nice things for him. But more than that, Gabriel felt connected to him. He looked forward to their quiet nights relaxing on the sofa together, and he enjoyed having sex with Viktor too. Neither of those things felt forced. It just felt natural to be with him, to live with him in his home, and to be part of his life. It was like this is where Gabriel belonged, where he was supposed to be all along, with Viktor.

He wondered if he had Stockholm syndrome, but that didn’t feel right to him. What he felt for Viktor was real . The way they’d met didn’t change that. It didn’t define them. But despite all he felt, he couldn’t ignore his doubts and insecurities. Gabriel just felt like he was stupid to believe that he deserved love, that Viktor wanted him for him , and would actually love him in return.

Viktor would leave him too, just like the rest of those guys he’d been with in the past. They’d never loved him, and neither would Viktor, despite all those things he’d done for him and the mind-blowing sex they’d had together. Sighing, Gabriel sat up and ran a hand through his hair.

Just ignore it , Gabriel thought. Just don’t think about it. It’s not true . None of it is true. Don’t let your doubts ruin what you have .

Releasing a tense breath, Gabriel got off the bed and went into the bathroom, where he turned the taps in the shower, and with his eyes closed, just stood under the warm spray for a while.

Viktor stood rigid, his hands in the pockets of his coat, and the muscles in his face feeling tense. There were still bloodstains on the cement inside the large storage unit, but there were no bodies.

“So you’re telling me you were ambushed,” Viktor said, as he faced one of his men who stood before him with three others. They were all young, around their early to mid twenties—soldiers in their underworld, and the first ones to be sacrificed when things took a turn for the worst.

The one with the chin-length dirty-blonde hair and dark eyes lowered his head. “Yes boss.”

“And how did you guys survive?” Viktor asked as he glanced at the others, but they stayed quiet, briefly making eye contact with him before lowering their gazes again.

“Me and a few guys were out the back having a smoke,” said the one with the short dark hair. “When we heard gunshots, we ran back in. Some of the guys were already dead, so we started shooting back, and we got some of them too. The rest fled.”

Viktor clenched his jaw. “Five men?”

“Yes boss,” he confirmed.

His men had been slaughtered by a sudden attack, most likely by an opposing enemy group who wanted their hands on his weapons shipment that had arrived directly from Moscow.

“Move the goods to another unit. I’ll send you the address,” Viktor said before turning and walking out of the building and into the chilly air. His bodyguards walked with him back to the sedan.

Both of his bodyguards were burly men with identical appearances of cropped brown hair, firm stone-like expressions, and dark clothes. They sat in the front of the car, one in the driver’s side and the other in the passenger’s while Viktor took his seat in the back.

“Take me to my second storage unit,” Viktor said.

Since the first location had been compromised, he needed to watch over his men as they transported the goods into the new building, and he knew it was going to take him a few hours to handle everything since the second one was further away from the first. He didn’t like that he was going to be arriving home late, as he would have much preferred to spend his time with Gabriel instead, but it was important work that needed to be handled sooner rather than later.

“Right away, boss,” the driver said, his deep voice like that of a grumble.

As the car drove, Viktor gazed out the window, trying to ease his tense muscles. He was growing tired of the criminal lifestyle to the point where he almost regretted joining it in the first place. It exhausted and stressed him out, and thinking about the death of his men only reminded him of the murder of his sister. It trickled into fear that it would happen to Gabriel too, and he was actually beginning to doubt his decision to be with Gabriel.

Viktor frowned as he watched the passing streets and cars. He didn’t want to even think about letting Gabriel go, but it seemed that if he were to remain in the mafia underworld, it would only be dangerous to have a lover. He had no doubts that he could lose Gabriel, just like he’d lost Katya.

He wanted to be hopeful and think that an enemy wouldn’t rip Gabriel away from him, but there were no guarantees. Viktor had been in this lifestyle long enough to know that being hopeful didn’t lead him anywhere. He’d have to be prepared to go through the pain of losing another person he loved if he were to still have Gabriel in his life, even if he took full measures to protect him. But Viktor didn’t want to go through something like that again, and he was starting to realize that he’d been wrong about his decision to keep Gabriel in the first place.

Later, after showering and getting dressed in warm clothing, Gabriel grabbed a bite to eat. He then found himself in the art room, where he pulled away the cloth covering the canvas on the easel, stepped back, and observed it for a while.

Gabriel wasn’t ready to show this to Viktor yet, and he didn’t want to risk it being seen before he was ready to, so he picked it up off the easel and walked to the corner where all the other completed canvases he’d worked on resided and placed it amongst them.

Sighing, Gabriel went to the blue two-seater couch and sat down. He thought about painting, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. His mind remained on Viktor and he wondered why, even after hours, Viktor hadn’t come to see him.

Maybe it’s because he’s already had enough of you.

Gabriel rested his elbow on the armrest and propped up his chin on his fist. This time, he didn’t fight the voice in the back of his mind, he was actually beginning to think it was right about Viktor.

Like the rest of them, Viktor used your body, and now he can’t even be bothered to check on you. He’s no different from your past hookups.

Gabriel flicked his gaze down to the floor and breathed in deep, his shoulders slumping as he exhaled. He’d been traumatized enough by his past hookups, and he was afraid of being re-traumatized because Viktor had lost interest in him and didn’t actually want to be with him like Gabriel had initially thought.

For the remainder of the day, Gabriel stayed in the art room, mostly in his head as he occupied himself with random sketches in one of the sketchbooks Viktor had bought him. After some time, when his stomach started rumbling with hunger, he put it down and switched off the light before leaving the basement and making his way down the hall. When he got to the foyer, he glanced in the direction of Viktor’s office, but didn’t see him.

Walking into the living room, Gabriel went toward the dining area and watched as Sasha walked to the table and set down two plates.

“Where’s Viktor?” Gabriel asked.

“He’s got something he needs to handle,” Sasha said before sitting down.

Gabriel also sat, and stared at his dinner for a while.

That’s a convenient excuse for him to avoid you , said the voice.

Picking up his spoon, he kept his head down and ate.

It was past midnight, and Gabriel sat on the living room sofa with the TV on, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about what was playing on the screen. He should have been in bed, should have just gone to sleep, but he wanted Viktor to come home first before he did any of that. He wanted to go to bed with Viktor, to lay his head on his chest and just be close to him.

The front door opened and then shut, soon followed by a click. Gabriel switched off the TV and got up from the sofa, watching as Viktor walked to the mouth of the living room.

“You’re still awake,” he said.

“Yeah...” Gabriel walked to him. “I waited for you.”

Viktor watched him for a moment, and Gabriel held eye contact, refusing to look away.

“Let’s go to bed,” Viktor said before taking his hand.

Gabriel nodded and walked with Viktor down the hall and into the master bedroom. Getting out of his clothes and remaining only in his underwear, Gabriel got into bed and watched as Viktor removed his shirt and pants before joining him. He snuggled up to Viktor and felt instant warmth and comfort as he rested his head on his chest and closed his eyes.

He couldn’t help but feel upset by the idea that Viktor had been distant with him by not seeing him for the entire day. But at the same time, Gabriel wanted to put that behind him and not think about it. No matter how convincing that inner voice was about Viktor, he still, deep down, wanted his doubts to be wrong. And he felt like he needed to prove himself wrong, that he was just exaggerating his doubts.

He still wanted Viktor, despite his fears that Viktor didn’t truly want him back. The words tumbled out before Gabriel could stop himself.

“I love you,” Gabriel murmured.

Viktor’s chest paused mid-breath, and after a brief moment, he resumed breathing again. Then he pulled away and moved into a sitting position.

Gabriel sat up. “What’s wrong?”

Viktor didn’t say anything but got out of the bed.

Gabriel frowned as he watched him. “Where’re you going?”

Still saying nothing, Viktor pulled on his pants and T-shirt.

“Viktor...” Gabriel said quietly. He hated how his voice shook, but he couldn’t control it. He was trembling, and all he wanted in that moment was for Viktor to come back to bed, to hold him in his arms. But the words had already left his mouth, and there was no going back from it.

“I’ve got work to do,” Viktor said, not even looking at him.

“But . . . it’s late.”

“Go to sleep, Gabriel.” Viktor walked to the door and opened it.

He stared at Viktor’s back as he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

Gabriel’s heart stuttered and his shoulders slouched. He wanted to go after Viktor, to ask him what he’d done wrong, but Gabriel couldn’t move. Instead he sat frozen, watching the door as though Viktor would come back to him. He didn’t.

He’d made a mistake in telling Viktor that he loved him. He had really believed that Viktor would love him back, and now he was beginning to realize just how wrong and foolish he’d been this entire time. He shouldn’t have been stupid enough to feel this way toward Viktor in the first place, because who could ever love Gabriel in return? He really was only good enough for a fuck and nothing more.

He lay alone in bed for hours, waiting for Viktor to come back, but as Gabriel feared, Viktor didn’t come back at all, and all he could do was stare at the ceiling, the dim yellow bedside lamp his only source of light.

Gabriel might not have been a toy to Viktor anymore, but he hated how hopeful he’d been to believe he could truly be anything more. He’d been hurt way too many times before, with men using him for sex, and now Gabriel knew that the only way he’d be able to protect himself, especially his feelings, was to detach himself from Viktor. If he couldn’t do that physically, then he’d do it emotionally. He’d have to stop feeling this way about Viktor, because if he didn’t, all it would do was continue to hurt him.