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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Viktor aimlessly sat at his desk for hours, his mind a whir of thoughts. It was late, pitch black on the other side of his windows, and with only a single light to illuminate his office. There was no reason for him to be here at this hour, but he couldn’t bring himself to go back to the bedroom.

He felt like a coward for leaving Gabriel, but he needed to be alone so he could think things through. Hearing Gabriel tell him that he loved him had caught him off guard, and since he hadn’t expected to hear it, the only thing he could think to do in that moment was to leave.

I love you .

Despite sitting alone and in silence, those three simple words cemented in his mind, and he couldn’t stop hearing Gabriel saying them to him.

Viktor rested his palm against his chin and gazed at the dark glass. What had he done? It wasn’t supposed to go this far. He had let himself get sucked into wanting the boy, and now he felt an urge to go back to him. But it wasn’t that simple.

Gabriel wasn’t safe with him, and he never would be, especially if Viktor remained in the criminal underworld. Viktor had grown used to seeing the dark side of life, where love was unheard of. Katya’s murder seemed to exemplify his belief that love didn’t exist in the world.

So to hear Gabriel tell him that he loved him... Viktor didn’t know exactly how to feel about it. The look of hurt he’d seen on Gabriel’s face in the bedroom appeared in his mind, and he released a heavy breath. He didn’t want to hurt the boy, but he hadn’t intended for their relationship to come to this . Viktor couldn’t deny that he’d become attached to Gabriel, and although he’d grown to enjoy his company and had gotten used to having him in his life, Viktor was starting to think he’d made a big mistake in deciding to keep Gabriel as his toy.

Toy . Thinking about it now stunned him. He’d done so much harm to Gabriel already, and he knew that no amount of niceties would begin to fix that. It wouldn’t change the fact that he’d kidnapped him, threatened to kill him, then used him sexually.

Viktor had been so incredibly wrong to think he could use Gabriel like a toy and not grow to like seeing him smile, to making him happy, and to enjoying being with him.

He wanted to give him the world. At the same time, he knew he needed to leave him the hell alone. That seemed to be the only way Viktor could redeem himself to Gabriel. But, at the same time, Viktor knew there was more to it than that.

He was scared—afraid he’d lose Gabriel just like he’d lost his sister. The only way he could spare himself that pain and trauma was if he just released Gabriel and let him move on with his life, far far away from Viktor and his dangerous lifestyle.

Viktor had not intended for Gabriel to fall in love with him, and he hadn’t intended on developing feelings for him in return.

But Viktor couldn’t allow himself to love Gabriel back, because he’d loved his sister and she’d been ripped away from him, murdered like she’d been nothing at all. The same could happen to Gabriel, and Viktor doubted he could handle another loss like that. The only way he believed he could avoid that type of pain again, was by not loving again.

Viktor stood and went to the cabinet, where he took out a bottle of vodka. Returning to the desk, he sat down and poured himself a shot glass before he threw it back, feeling it burn down his throat. He then poured another, and shot that back too.

He knew what he needed to do, and he wasn’t going to go back on it.

Viktor opened his eyes and squinted at the golden, early morning sunlight shining into his face. He sat up and rolled his neck, hearing it pop. Before him was the vodka bottle from the night before, and an empty shot glass on the desk.

Standing up from the chair and stretching out his stiff limbs, Viktor walked to the window and peered out into the front yard. It was a clear day despite the cool weather, and a shift of men were patrolling the area.

He glanced at the door as a knock sounded on the other side. His heart jolted, and he expected it to be Gabriel as the events of the night before flashed in his mind. The knob turned, and Sasha walked inside. Viktor relaxed his shoulders as he watched his right-hand man, seeing the inquisitive look in his gray eyes as he glanced at the alcohol and shot glass before meeting Viktor’s gaze.

Whatever Sasha was here for could wait. Before Sasha could even open his mouth to speak, Viktor beat him to it.

“Blindfold Gabriel and take him to Central Park. Leave him there,” Viktor said.

Sasha froze and stared at him for a few seconds. “Boss?—”

“It’s over. I’m letting him go.”

Sasha opened his mouth then shut it again.

“What?” Viktor growled.

Everything inside him was screaming at him not to go through with the order, to tell Sasha to forget about it. Instead, Viktor pushed away his desire to keep Gabriel, telling himself that letting him go was the best way he could protect him and keep him safe. If Gabriel wasn’t in his life, and was far away from the criminal underworld as a result of it, then Viktor knew he’d still be alive, that no one would seek him out to kill him.

Sasha was now frowning. “Are you sure you want to let Gabriel go?”

Viktor clenched his jaw. He knew Sasha wasn’t questioning him or necessarily doubting his decision. Sasha was just making sure this was what he truly wanted. But Viktor had already made up his mind.

He felt his stomach twist. The part of him that didn’t want to let Gabriel go seemed to grow more intense inside him. But Viktor had been very selfish already. He’d stolen an entire month of Gabriel’s life from him, and now he’d gone and made the boy fall for him.

Viktor had gotten swept up in the feeling of having a lover, but it posed a threat that he had to acknowledge. He had already lost Katya, someone whom he had loved, and he didn’t want to go through that again with Gabriel.

“I’m sure,” Viktor said before walking to the desk and pulling open the top drawer. Inside it was Gabriel’s phone and wallet. Viktor’s hand hovered over them for a moment before he took them out and handed them to Sasha. “Give these back to him.”

Sasha nodded once and said nothing more before turning and leaving the office.

It didn’t surprise Gabriel to wake up alone. He hadn’t expected Viktor to come back at all the night before, but even though he knew he wouldn’t, it still hurt.

Gabriel hated how hopeful he still was, even when he knew deep down there was no point in hoping or wishing for Viktor to love him back. He just never would, and him getting up and leaving so suddenly the night before proved it.

Getting out of bed, Gabriel went to the drawer and got dressed. He felt nervous about seeing Viktor again so soon, but he knew there was no point in hiding from him. Gabriel knew he’d have to face him eventually, and it made his stomach clench. He sat on the bed for a while as he tried to calm his racing heartbeat and sooth his trembling body, but it didn’t work He was still tense.

Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair and tried not to think about anything at all, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about how Viktor had reacted the night before when Gabriel had told him that he loved him. Remembering it only made Gabriel feel vulnerable and stupid all over again.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he was pulled out of his mind when the door to the master bedroom opened and then shut. Sasha stood before him, dressed in all black as usual, and his dark hair tied into a low ponytail at the back of his head.

They made eye contact for a brief, silent moment, and Gabriel felt like his stomach was twisting as his anxiety worsened.

“You’re going home,” Sasha said.

Gabriel tensed. His heart jumped into his throat. He was... going home? Still staring at Sasha, he slowly stood from his sitting position on the edge of the mattress, not knowing what else to do. He almost didn’t believe it, but considering the look on Sasha’s face, Gabriel knew he was serious.

He accepted his wallet and phone when Sasha handed them to him, and he shoved them into the pockets of his jeans. It felt like electricity struck at all of the nerve endings in his body. He felt a rush and figured it was because he was finally going home, that he was going to be free again, and it almost didn’t feel real.

At the same time, Gabriel realized that he’d been right about him. Viktor didn’t want him anymore, and he’d had enough of playing with him, that’s why he was letting him go. Gabriel felt crazy. He should be happy that he was going to have his freedom back, so then why did his chest feel so heavy? Why did the idea of leaving hurt?

Gabriel wanted to ask why now? Why just toss him away like nothing had even happened between them? But he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even take a single step forward. The anger and frustration died down quickly, and simmered into sadness as he was reminded of his shortcomings.

Gabriel was right. He was unlovable. Even when he’d opened his heart to Viktor, it still ended the same as it had with everyone else, by being used and then abandoned. Viktor was letting him go, but Gabriel believed that Viktor wouldn’t have easily come to this decision if he’d actually loved him.

He should’ve known better than to think that Viktor would love him back, that he wouldn’t grow tired of him and just get rid of him like it was nothing. Like he was nothing.

There was no point in fighting. No point in even trying to talk with Viktor and tell him goodbye. Gabriel would just shut up and leave, because there was no point in staying in a place where he wasn’t wanted anymore. He’d just go back to his old life and try to continue as if there was never anything between them in the first place.

“Are you okay?” Sasha asked. He was frowning, gray eyes appearing concerned. “You look pale.”

“I’m—” Gabriel swallowed, then swallowed again because his mouth was dry. “I’m okay. When... do I go?”

“Now.”

Feeling numb, Gabriel nodded, because that’s all that he could do.