Page 17 of Daddy’s Firm Hands (Saddle Up)

“So Stew is voluntarily getting on an angry bull hellbent on bucking him off?” I ask, dumbfounded. Who in their right mind would put themselves through that?

“Yeah, and he has to stay on for eight seconds,” Lucky adds.

“The judges are going to look for his control, rhythm, and how he moves,” Stone explains. “It’s like he’s in this intricate push and pull dance with the bull. You’ll see once you watch it.”

When Stew is up, I hold my breath the entire time he’s in the arena.

With every attempted buck, I squeeze Stone’s hand harder and harder, until he hisses in pain.

The way Stew contorts his body to stay on that beast is unfathomable.

I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it myself.

After what feels like a lifetime, he makes it out of the arena in one piece, having stayed on the bull for a total of twelve seconds.

“Is there a restroom anywhere?” I ask. The lemonade went right through me.

Stone peeks at his watch. “Yes, it’s on our way to our first meeting. Will you be okay by yourself, Lucky?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet Stew after they announce the winners and prizes. Knock ‘em dead y’all! Go sell some cows and make that beef money.”

When we’re out of earshot, I demand Stone spill the tea between those two on our walk to the restrooms.

“It’s a long story, but I’ll summarize it.

Lucky wants Doc, always has since the day he arrived at the ranch.

He practically hero-worshipped him. I’m not sure if something happened between them or if it's an unrequited crush, but Doc turns him down every time. Lucky rubs his conquests in Doc’s face as revenge.

What confuses me is when Doc gets pissed off about them. ”

Hmmm, interesting. Does Doc not want Lucky…or will he not allow himself to have him?

“Hard to tell, considering he doesn’t emote. At all. His face is so…indifferent. It’s weird.”

“It’s who he is. Even as a kid, he was always the strong, silent type.”

I’m not sure why I was expecting porta-potties or outhouses. The bathrooms are a small pavilion, similar to something you’d see in a park or a concert venue. Thank fuck because I don’t do portable bathrooms.

Stone waits outside of the restroom for me. I feel like I’m peeing in the urinal forever, like a human Seabiscuit. Maybe getting the large lemonade wasn’t such a great idea, but I was so thirsty from drooling over how sexy Stone looked back at the hotel that I got dehydrated.

As I’m washing my hands, a tall man in jeans and a plain black tee uses the sink next to me.

“Milo Romano, you’re a long way from New York,” he says nonchalantly, like he wasn’t knocking the house of cards I built my entire new life on by revealing my identity.

Instincts I hoped to forget kick in. I pull the switch blade I keep in my pocket out, flicking it open as he aims his gun at me.

“A knife versus a gun… Instead of making me shoot you, why don’t you come quietly? Mr. Vettore is willing to talk.”

“No!” I refuse as I kick him in his stomach, almost knocking the gun from his hand. Another man runs from the restroom, screaming something about getting the police involved.

I do not want to go anywhere near the police.

Mr. Vettore’s reach is wide, and his pockets are deep enough to bribe a county police officer into handing me over.

I refuse to leave Stone or go back to New York.

I finally have a life I could only dream about with a man who’s way too good for me, and I refuse to go back.

He aims at me again, discharging a shot. It hits one of the stall doors behind me.

“Milo!” Stone bellows from outside. I run to the door and lock it. He can’t come in here and risk getting hurt.

This guy is tall and lanky. If I knock him in his center, he should go down like a sack of bricks.

I exaggerate pulling my arm back, like I’m going to throw my blade at him.

He backs up, and I see my opening. I drop the knife and ram my shoulder right into his middle, knocking the wind out of him as he crumbles to the ground.

I get on top of him, punching him square in the face.

He struggles, thrashing his body around on the tile floor in an effort to buck me off.

I punch him two more times before I knock him out.

Stone is still shouting on the other side of the door, furiously banging his fists against it.

“Unlock this door now! If you touch a hair on his head I’ll fucking gut you and feed you to the wolves!”

The more of a scene he creates, the more likely the cops will come. I unlock the door, grabbing Stone’s hand and pulling him away from the restrooms.

“Milo, the police are on their way, stop,” he urges me, but I keep on pulling us toward the entrance. We need to get far away from here.

I need time to think through my next move, because there’s no fucking way I’m leaving Stone. Even if they know where the ranch is, I need to find a way to stay with him.

I won’t go back!

“Milo!” He shouts, grabbing attention from onlookers. He digs his heels in, bringing us to a halt.

“Stone, we need to leave, now,” I breathe as my anxiety climbs up my throat, slowly choking me.

“What the fuck is going on? What happened in there?” He asks.

This would be a good time to tell Stone everything—to come clean and finally tell him who I really am.

But I can’t bring myself to say the words aloud.

He’ll never look at me the same way again when he knows what I did to Piero.

He won’t be safe if he gets tangled up in my mess.

Mr. Vettore can’t hurt him. I won’t let him.

“I can’t tell you…” I mumble, barely able to look him in the eye.

He tips my head up, and his face is as hard as steel. His icy blue eyes threaten to bore a hole in me as he stares into my soul.

“I’m not dumb, Milo. This has to do with why you left home, and don’t you dare lie to me.

I’m done giving you time. We’re going to give your statement to the police, and they’ll let you go because whatever you did in there was self defense.

Then we’ll go back to the hotel room, and you’re going to tell me everything. ”

I try to pull my hand from Stone’s, but his grip is ironclad. He doesn’t understand. I can’t go to the police.

“Stone, you’re better off not knowing. It’s safer this way,” I try to convince him, but he isn’t having it.

“I’m done being in the dark. You said you wouldn’t hurt me. You told me you’d eventually tell me. Well now is the time.

“Stone, I’m trying not to hurt you. That’s why I can’t tell you. Your safety is important to me, and once you know…there’s no going back.” That sounds like a bullshit excuse, but it’s the best I have.

“When I went through the phone you hid in the sock drawer, the one you claimed not to have, I knew something was up. The only texts you had were from someone named Pizza begging you to come home. What happened, Milo? Tell me! I don’t care if I can’t come back, I wouldn’t want to anyway.”

He turned on my phone? I bet Maximo was able to track me that way, the fucking cyber creeper. All he would have needed was a few seconds of the line being connected to get a location on me. The one person I was trying to keep safe is the person who blew my cover sky fucking high, go figure.

“Going through my things was wrong, but I can’t blame you. I also can’t tell you what’s happening, at least not right now. I’m sorry. Keeping secrets isn’t my intention, but it’s how I can keep you safe.”

“I can’t be with someone who keeps secrets from me.” The words feel like a knife slicing fileting my heart wide open.

“You don’t want to be with me?” I ask in disbelief. “Yesterday you said I’d always be yours. You told me I was your partner.” A tear slides down my face, and I try to hold the rest at bay, failing miserably. I feel like a complete cry baby bitch breaking down in public like this.

“A relationship is built on trust, and I can’t trust you if you don’t tell me.”

Did I say my heart was cut open? Because somehow, it hurts even worse now. Like someone set it on fire and stomped on it until it stopped beating. I pull my hand from his, taking a step back.

“Daddy, I can’t tell you…” I silently implore him to just let it go, at least for now. I’m not ready.

“You have to. This isn’t going to work otherwise.” He doubles down, giving me no other option.

“So I guess we aren’t in a relationship anymore. And since you don’t trust me, I’ll leave the ranch by the end of the week.”

Tomorrow is the last day of the rodeo, and it’s a two day drive.

Hopefully I can figure out my next move by then, and be gone before he gets back.

I can’t stay on his ranch if he doesn’t want me anymore.

It would hurt to see him everyday, knowing he doesn’t trust me.

I’m not even sure if I’d still have a job, either.

His face hardens, and the light in his eyes is snuffed out. His smile dies on his face, making him appear as an entirely new person. A Stone I’ve never met before.

“If you think it’s best,” he grits out. He isn’t even fighting for me, so I guess it is for the best.

The flood gates are about to open, and I can’t do this here. I start walking away to save face.

“Milo, where are you going?” Stone shouts. I hear his footsteps picking up behind me, and I can’t. I just can’t deal with all of this right now while my entire life is crashing down around me for a second time.

“Are you okay?” Lucky runs to catch up with me. “Why are you crying?”

“I want to go back to the ranch,” I croak through my tears, sniffling. Lucky hands me a tissue from his pocket, and I blow my nose.

“Me too. I can drive us. Let’s get a rideshare back to the hotel and we’ll leave. Is everything okay?” he asks.

“No, but let’s get out of here. I can tell you on the way.”

By the time we make our way through the rodeo and get to the parking lot, our ride is here. We get into the back seat, then the car slowly makes its way through the lot. He doesn’t rush me to talk, and just waits. I start crying again and he hands me the whole travel pack from his pocket.

I think of how to tell him without revealing my past.

“Someone attacked me in the bathroom. It had to do with my old life…the parts of it I don’t talk about. Stone asked me to tell him everything, but I couldn't. He said we can’t be together anymore if I keep secrets from him, but I’m not doing it to be shady. I just want to keep him safe.”

“If your old life is so dangerous someone’s attacking you in a bathroom at a rodeo, you need help. Maybe you should tell Stone, so he can help keep you safe,” Lucky suggests. “I’d hate for my new friend to be in danger because he’s carrying the weight of the world on his own.”

“I wish it were that simple.” I truly do. Nueva Notte is ruthless, and anyone who helps me is putting their neck on the line. I can’t be responsible for that.

“What will you do when we get back to Ironhide?”

“Um…” I don’t have a plan yet. “I told Stone I was leaving the ranch. Being around him will be too hard, considering he didn’t even fight for me.”

“Milo, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t kidding when I said the bunk above mine is empty. Stay in the bunkhouse with all of us until you get your next move together.”

“Okay.” At least I’ll have some distance from Stone’s house while I figure out what’s next.

When we get to the hotel, Lucky comes into my room with me to help me pack. I didn’t bring a lot for a two day trip, but packing is hard when you’re crying your eyes out. When I see Stone’s other cowboy hat hanging on the hook by the door, I sob.

Lucky gathers me into a bone crushing hug. He’s taller than me, and my face gets smooshed in his chest. “Don’t worry. Everything is going to work out. You’ll see.”

We get on the elevator, taking it to the lobby. Lucky points to a bathroom on the opposite side. “Why don’t you wash your face and use the bathroom before we go. I need to close my reservation.”

When I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, my face is red and puffy.

My eyes look bloodshot as fuck from crying, which makes me cry even harder.

It feels as if my chest has been cleaved open and my heart was ripped out.

He said I belonged to him—that he’d never let me go—and he cut me loose like I was nothing.

I wash my hands, then find Lucky talking to one of the concierges at the front desk. She’s a pretty redheaded woman, and her eyes soften when she sees me. I usually hate it when people pity me, but I’m so devastated right now, I can’t bring myself to care.

“I have a dinner reservation at a nice steakhouse a few miles away from here. Do you two want it? Maybe you’ll feel better if you eat a nice juicy New York Strip and a loaded baked potato?” she asks encouragingly.

The thought of eating makes me feel nauseous. “No, thank you. I want to go—” I almost say home, but stop myself.

Ironhide Ranch was never really my home. I guess it was just a pit stop on my way to a coffin. If Nueva Notte even lets Elio bury me. I can see Mr. Vettore throwing my corpse into the Hudson for what I did.

We get our bags and load them into the back seat of Lucky’s truck. There are empty water and sports drink bottles on the ground, and I laugh to myself. Stone would freak if he saw this mess.

I guess it doesn’t matter what Stone thinks anymore…

“Are you sure you don’t want to try talking to him before you go? Maybe you need some closure, or there are parts you can tell him?”

“No. He made himself clear. He doesn’t want me anymore, and the best thing I can do is leave.”

My whole body shakes as we pull away from the hotel. I knew this life was too good to be true. That Stone was too good to be true. I’m a crinimal— a murderer .

Nothing good in life is meant for someone like me.