Page 13 of Daddy’s Firm Hands (Saddle Up)

MILO

I never rode an ATV before. They’re like miniature monster truck death traps. Seriously, I held on to the ‘oh shit’ bar the entire time, silently praying I didn’t fall out of the stupid thing and break something. Sheer willpower and grip strength kept me alive.

Stone has been silent for the whole ride, barely saying a word.

Now he’s checking out the fence with a frown on his face while I sit on a rock nearby, watching him like a weirdo.

I’m not sure if his expression means he’s angry, confused, or constipated.

With the lack of vegetables he eats, I’m going with option three.

“Why the frown, cowboy Daddy? Feeling clogged up ?”

“What?” he says as he concentrates on the frayed mesh of the fence.

“You seem stuck …” I laugh to myself, like a complete lunatic.

“Stop fucking around and tell me what you’re going on about, brat.” I love his no-nonsense tone and the way he gets all grumpy.

How is this man hot as hell no matter what his face looks like?

“Why do you look so frustrated? I’m thinking you're constipated because you don’t eat any vegetables,” I explain.

“I eat enough fiber to get by,” he says in an offended tone. “I’m frustrated because this fence wasn’t damaged by the herd. It was cut. See how the edges of the mesh are even?”

I crouch next to him so I can see what he’s talking about. “Yeah, if a cow did that, it would look frayed.”

“So who the hell is trying to get on my ranch…and why?” he asks. He paces a few steps, lost in his thoughts.

So deep in his thoughts, he doesn’t see the huge-ass snake slithering on the ground toward him at full-speed.

Seriously, it’s gliding across the grass like it has a vendetta to settle.

It’s scaly with one of those things on its tail.

I’m ninety-nine percent sure this thing is poisonous, and I want it nowhere near my man.

“Stone…” I say, trying to get his attention. “Daddy!”

“Yeah, brat,” he answers as he turns toward me, away from the snake.

It’s way too close. My instincts kick in as I grab the gun right out of Stone’s holster, aim it at that fucker, and pull the trigger. My shot lands true, right in the little fucker’s head.

Stone stands there, his eyes bouncing between me and the snake-corpse.

“It was coming at you, and I tried to tell you but you weren’t paying attention,” I explained. Now that I think of it, am I even allowed to kill the snakes? Is it a type of protected wildlife?

“Have you ever used a gun before?” he asks.

Of course I have, I’m in the mafia. I go to target practice and combat training at least four days a week, sometimes five or six if I need some alone time from my brothers.

But the new Milo, the innocent noncriminal who’s going to live the rest of his days in Montana, shouldn’t know how to use a gun. He should probably be scared of a gun.

Fuck, I’m a moron.

“No, but I have played a lot of those first person shooter video games. I guess the practice paid off, huh?” I force a laugh, trying to play it off, but he isn’t buying it.

“Hmm,” he walks over to me, taking his gun back and putting it in the holster. Then he cups my head in his hands so I’m forced to make eye contact with him. “Even so, you shot a moving target, a snake no less, through the head. Dead center. Doesn’t seem like beginner’s luck.”

I try to turn away from him, but he won’t let go of me. Call me a coward, because I am one, but I am not ready to tell him the truth. For his own safety, and because I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for him to know who I really am—a disgraced, brother-killing scumbag.

“Milo, you can tell me anything. I’ll never judge you.” His words sound like a promise. But even I know promises can be broken.

I’m not leaving forever, Milo. Just for now, my sweet boy…

I shake her words out of my head. This is not the time or the place to bring up ghosts that are better off locked away.

“I can’t…” I breathe out, as a tear runs down my face.

“What if I tell you something personal first, so you know you can trust me?”

Before I can answer him, he says, “When I was in my early twenties, there was a rodeo a few towns over. I was competing as a bull rider, and a pretty, redheaded woman waved at me from the stands.”

“And who was she?” I ask, half jealous he’s telling me about some woman he probably fucked, but also intrigued. Maybe it’s the Italian in me, but I love a good story. Especially when it means I get to listen to his deep, gravelly voice tell it.

“Her name was Melanie. The minute I saw her, I felt an instant connection the same way I did with you. An all consuming, terrifying connection. We went on a first date, and it just cemented what I always knew. She was meant to be mine.”

“Okay?” I say, wondering where this story is going. He better not say something like ‘And that’s how I met my wife’. I refuse to be a side piece. I just saved this man from a poisonous death, the least he can do is not fuck me over.

“My father still ran the ranch back then, so I wasn’t as busy as I am now.

I had free time. Before our second date, I found out where she lived and worked.

Where she spent her free time, and what she liked.

Some called it stalking, but I never saw it that way at the time.

I thought I was watching over her in a way. Now I know what it really was.”

His words from earlier come back to me…

“I’ll obsess over you and want everything from you, Milo. You’ll be mine.”

“You were obsessed with her.” I fill in the blank for him.

“Yes, but I also loved her. Married her the same year we met. For three years, we were happy. We woke up together, tended to the herd together. Everything we did, we did together. Until we didn’t.

She came to hate ranch life. Living so far away from everything was too much for her, she said.

She started leaving more, for longer periods of time.

She stopped eating meals with me, and spent more time alone when she was home. ”

Stone stops, clearing his throat. The haunted gleam in his eyes doesn’t bode well for this story’s ending.

“One of the days she was home, she went into my old desk and found a plain manila folder. Looking at the contents was the pandora’s box that ended our marriage. There were pictures I took of her, written schedules, a dossier of things I found out about her.”

There are those red flags again, waving in the gentle Montana breeze.

But fun fact, my eyes are shut. So I don’t see them.

This whole story should terrify me, but if anything I find his obsessive tendencies admirable.

He put in the extra work to get to know her…

even if it was in an unconventional way.

Ugh, I got it bad. I’m not even admitting to myself how problematic it is. My life is a fucking instalove romance story, but I can’t put the book down.

“She called me an obsessive freak and left me the next day while I was at work. I came home after dark, and found all her things were gone. Like she had never lived there to begin with.

“I assumed she went to her parents’ place, so I drove there despite how late it was. About halfway there, I found her car on a back road…someone had crashed into her and drove away. They didn’t even check to see if she was okay.”

I wrap my arms around Stone, squeezing him as hard as I can. “Stone, her death wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

It truly was. He didn’t drive either car. She chose to deal with the situation by leaving in the dark. Sometimes awful things happen and usually there’s no one to blame.

“For the first five years after, I believed it was my fault. With time, I realized how unfortunate of an accident it was. Most days I can convince myself it wasn’t my fault, but every now and then when I’m having a ripe shit of a day, I second guess myself.”

He sighs as I rub soothing circles into his back. Stone isn’t responsible for his late wife’s death. He’s lucky he won’t be judged for it when his time comes.

I know I will be. No matter what way I spin it, I am responsible for Piero’s death.

We stand there in each other’s arms, until our breathing melds together. I think our heartbeats do too. Time seems to stand still as we absorb each other.

He finally pulls away from me with a determined set to his jaw.

Please don’t ask me again, I silently beg him. You’re making it so hard to say no.

“If I can tell you about my late wife and you’re still here, don’t you think I’d do the same for you no matter what you say? I will never judge you. Please share something with me—anything. I just want to know you, trauma and all. I’ll love your darkness as much as I love your light.”

My heart isn’t ready to divulge everything about Piero. It’s too raw. I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again after telling him.

So I tell him about the other family member’s death I’m responsible for. My mother.

“I can relate to you, because my mom died in a similar way…” I start.

A deep pain slices through my chest, and I pause.

Maybe I’m not ready to share this either.

The only thing motivating me to continue is the rapt attentiveness Stone shows me.

This strong, beautiful man is hanging on my every word because he truly just wants to get to know me.

I should at least give him this, even if a short version is all I have to give him.

“My parents were toxic together. I don’t want to get into detail, because I can’t stomach talking about the things he did to her. Just know he was all types of abusive. She decided to leave when I was eight.”

Stone takes my hand in his much larger, calloused one, weaving our fingers together. His hand is firm as it squeezes mine, giving me a sense of safety I’ve never felt from another person before.

“She told me she was going to the store, but she never came back. My brothers and Dad were with my Nonna, and I was alone. He went crazy when he noticed her suitcase was missing…”

“Did she ever contact you?” he asks. His frowning face and sad eyes tells me he knows the answer already.

“No. A few days later my dad said she got hit by a car while crossing a busy street. But I know the type of man my father is. I think he killed her and made it look like an accident. My younger brother does too.”

It sounds like Milo has a worse father than mine. My old man was a son of a bitch who tore me down often, but he never killed anyone…that I know of. He treated my brother and I like cow shit, but he was good to my mother most of the time.

“I’m sorry your mother left you so young.

” He kisses my cheek, and my heart aches.

No matter how long it’s been, thinking about her never gets easier.

“Every boy needs his mother, yet you had to find your way in the world without her. It’s not fair.

My father wasn’t as bad, but he had his own demons he took out on my brother and I.

I’m sorry we had to experience being raised by bad men. ”

“Sometimes awful things happen and usually there’s no one to blame… But her death rests on my conscience. I’m the one who told him she left. Maybe she’d have gotten away if I hadn’t. My eldest brother reminds me of it often enough that I’ll never forget.”

“Is your mom part of the reason you left home?” he gently probes me, his voice soft.

“Some things are better left unknown, Stone. Once you know, you won’t look at me the same way again. For both of our sakes, I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe one day, but not today. I really just want a fresh start and a new life.”

His face falls in disappointment. “Milo, what if you hurt me like Melanie did? I’m not sure I can go through that kind of pain again. If you told me why I found you on the side of the road, it would ease my mind.”

Yeah, the truth won’t ease my cowboy’s mind, and it’ll put him in danger. It will change the way he sees me. Nothing will ever be the same between us once you know.

“You have my word. I promise I’ll never hurt you, Daddy.”

And even though promises were made to be broken, I’ll try my hardest not to shatter this one.