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Chapter thirty-seven

A Question of Desire

Josh

“Thanks again for this weekend, Josh. I had an incredible time!” Charlotte waves as she leaves the research room.

“Me, too.” I wave back. “See you at Roscoe’s on Sunday!”

She giggles, then waves at Petra and Gabriel before walking away with a spring in her step.

“I really do owe you one,” Gabriel tells me, adjusting his new glasses. They look great with his freshly-styled quiff and blousy button-down shirt. “I would never have had the guts to ask Petra out if it wasn’t for your help—and Ruby’s.”

The blonde rolls her eyes. “Gabe, you had me at ‘cosmic microwave background’ . I’m telling ya, you gotta apply for a postdoc at the Rubin Observatory. Can you imagine if we both went to Chile?”

“I’d go anywhere with you.” He gazes at her with hearts in his eyes.

Petra kisses his cheek before turning to me. “We’ll be there on Sunday, and I hope that it isn’t the last one we spend at Roscoe’s together. When do you meet with your student advisor to tell her your decision?”

“Tomorrow morning,” I say, “but first I’ve got to meet with the dean.”

“Good luck.” Gabriel holds out his hand for a shake at the same time as I hold mine out for a fist-bump. Laughing, we give each other side hugs before the new couple leaves together, holding hands.

“Josh, can I speak with you for a moment?” Dr. Yoshida calls from across the room.

I pick up my backpack and walk to his desk. “Yes, Professor?” I’m glad that we have a chance to talk before my upcoming appointments. It won’t change my decision, but it would help to have his support.

“I’ve spoken with the admissions committee,” the cosmologist tells me. “Congratulations, Mr. Malik. I’m happy to offer you a spot in my graduate program starting in the spring semester.”

“Next January?” Part of me had been hoping that—somehow, someway—he could fit me into the upcoming fall semester. Still, I’m grateful to have been selected at all. There’s no one I’d rather study cosmology with than Dr. Yoshida and no university that I’d rather attend.

“I’m sorry it couldn’t be sooner,” he says. “I know that there are other schools that would love to have you as a student, and I told the committee so. There simply isn’t room in my program until the spring. There’s nothing I can do.”

I give my professor a determined smile. “Actually, sir, there is.” I’ve been through too much over the past few months—overcoming my insecurities and accepting myself… exploring my sexuality and the dominant side of my nature. In all the ways I’ve learned and grown, one fact has become abundantly clear.

I’m not going down without a fight.

Dr. Yoshida’s eyes light up as I tell him my idea. He promises to help me in any way that he can, and I take him up on that offer.

I just hope Dean Owens has the same reaction.

As we sit across from the Dean of Students, Karma gives my hand an encouraging squeeze. “Of course I came to support you. Besides, I haven’t had a chance to thank the dean.”

“Thank me?” Dean Owens asks. “For what?”

“I owe you one,” my boyfriend tells him. “If you hadn’t asked me to help Josh with his graduation speech, we might never have started dating.”

His face lights up. “You’re dating? That’s wonderful! I hope all of our LGBTQ+ students can find love and acceptance at Spartacus University.”

“We appreciate that, sir,” I tell him. “We’ve always felt welcomed here.”

Dean Owens leans back in his leather chair, a satisfied look on his face. “Excellent. And I appreciate the effort both of you put into this year’s commencement address. It’s garnered a lot of attention for the university.”

“Have you seen all of the views that it’s gotten on YouTube?” Karma asks.

“That’s nothing compared to TicToc,” the dean boasts. “Josh’s speech has started a ‘Deepest Desires’ trend.”

“Really?” I had no idea. “I hope that it’s brought awareness to the space science programs offered at Spartacus. In fact, that’s why I asked for this meeting. How would you feel if I could gain even more publicity for the university and its Cosmology program?”

“Publicity?” The dean sits up in his chair.

I knew that would get his attention. “Dark energy has been in the news a lot recently, and people all over the world are fascinated by this mysterious force. Wouldn’t it be great if we could harness some of that energy, so to speak?”

Karma turns to me with a puzzled look. “How are you gonna do that?”

“By starting our own social media trend,” I say.

“Hmm…” Dean Ownes leans his elbows against his mahogany desk, his eyes narrowed in thought. “I’m always looking for ways to get publicity for Spartacus, but there’s only so much that our small PR team can do. It’s not easy to get attention on social media.”

“What if you had a global team?” I ask the college administrator. “Would that help?”

He straightens up. “Did you say global ?”

“That’s right.” It’s a key part of my plan. “Scientists throughout the world have joined forces on the Dark Energy Survey project. Even Spartacus University has a small contingent led by Dr. Yoshida in the Cosmology department.”

“You’re talking about your DES internship, right?” Karma glances between me and the dean.

I nod, saying, “Dr. Yoshida has colleagues around the globe who are contributing to the project. He knows people who work in observatories all over Earth. The professor said he’s willing to connect us with any or all of them.”

Dean Owens folds his arms across his chest as he considers the idea. “That sounds promising… except that scientists can be kind of dry. No matter how fascinating their research is, I’m afraid that most people on social media wouldn’t give it a second glance. How could we present the data in a way that would grab everyone’s attention?”

“That’s easy, sir.” I grin at him. “We make it sexy.”

Karma snorts. “Moonbeam, you’re always full of surprises. If anyone could make space science sexy, it would be you. But how?”

“What are your favorite thirst traps?” I ask him in return. “Which posts make you want to click on them the most?”

“Well…” My boyfriend thinks about it. “I like a good travel post—y’know, people vlogging about their adventures. I’ll click on anything with amazing visuals or interesting tidbits of information, so long as they’re short and to the point. Oh, and hotties, of course—an attractive person in an exotic locale who dangles a ‘Did you know...?’ That’s total clickbait for me.”

“Me, too.” I laugh.

The dean chuckles. “It even works on an old man like me. But I’m not sure if Dr. Yoshida’s colleagues can pull off something like that. Just because they happen to be researching dark energy somewhere faraway and exotic doesn’t mean they’d be good at talking about it online.”

“That’s true,” I tell him. “That’s why I’m going to do it.”

The two men look at me, their eyebrows raised.

“I’d click on you, Josh,” Karma says, darting a look at Dean Owens. “No pun intended.”

The administrator smirks and shakes his head. “Sorry, but I’m not sure how you can accomplish that, Josh. Are you going to interview Yoshida’s colleagues on some sort of DES podcast? When will you do that… in-between classes?”

I gaze at the dean, then at my boyfriend. It’s time to tell them my decision, as well as my future plans. “I’m taking a semester off from Spartacus University. I’ll return in the spring to join Dr. Yoshida’s cosmology program. My student visa won’t allow me to stay in the United States in the interim, so I’ve decided to spend the semester traveling.”

“No way!” Karma gasps. “I’m so happy for you, Moonbeam—and a little jealous, I’ll admit. Where do you think you’ll go?”

“Chile, for one,” I answer. “It’s the best place on the planet for observing space, so it has almost half of the world’s astronomical research infrastructure. Dr. Yoshida is already working on getting me admitted to several observatories. He says that I can continue my DES internship as an ambassador of sorts.”

“An international ambassador for Spartacus?” The dean leans back in his chair as he mulls it over. “I’ve always wanted to visit Chile—the photos I’ve seen online are spectacular. Did you know that it’s the longest and thinnest country in the world, and that it contains both glaciers and the driest desert on Earth?”

I can’t stop the smile that stretches across my face. “Those are interesting facts. Maybe I should post them online… perhaps with a few travel selfies?”

“Oh my god, I can totally picture it!” Karma says. “A hot guy with brains in a faraway land, talking about our beautiful world and the amazing universe surrounding it. I’d subscribe to that in a heartbeat.”

Dean Owens taps a finger against his lips. “I can certainly see the appeal. All of that travel would be expensive, though. I’m sure the university could offer you a small stipend in exchange for your work as our ambassador. How much do you think that you’d need?”

“Not a lot,” I tell him. “I plan on camping as much as possible. Plus, I’m going home to India to celebrate Diwali, and I’ll stay with my family while I’m there. I also plan to post videos of Jaipur’s Jantar Mantar. Did you know that the astronomical observatory features the world’s largest stone sundial? Even though it was built three hundred years ago, it can tell time with accuracy of up to two seconds.”

Karma’s eyes pop out. “For real?”

I wink at him. “Interesting, isn’t it?”

“Hmm… this sounds like a lot of work.” The dean gives me a worried frown. “To gain a following, you’d need to upload content on a regular basis. With all of the traveling you’ll be doing, how are you going to find the time?”

“You’ve got a point, sir. I could use some help. It would be great if I could bring along a companion. Someone who’s good at writing… A non-scientist who can present the data in a fresh and interesting way.” I turn to look at my boyfriend.

His eyes light up. “Someone from Spartacus University’s queer community who’s willing to take his shirt off to get a few clicks?”

“You read my mind.” I grin at him. Maybe I’m being selfish asking Karma to postpone his studies—though he did say that traveling the world was one of his deepest desires. It’s a tough decision, and it’s one that only he can make. I’ll stand by him no matter what he chooses. Still, I can’t help but feel a flutter of hope.

My boyfriend gazes at me, his eyes sparkling. “Josh Malik, do you have a question that you’d like to ask me?”

“I do, Karma Wilson.” I squeeze his hand. “Do you know anyone who wants to travel the world and camp out under the stars?”