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Chapter forty-one

Ashia

‘Lost Boy’ – Ruth B.

After finishing the dishes, me and his mom helped put the kids to bed while some were pulled into the office to talk. I imagine it’s about DH. Everyone that was pulled into that room works for him and Damien looked too tense for it to be about something else. Plus, the fact that they know about Damien’s real occupation says enough. I'm glad I'm not in there with them. His dad is a little scary. Nice, but scary, and I’m not sure how long it will take for me to feel comfortable around him. If I ever do.

It feels really nice outside tonight. Soothing. It’s warm, but the wind is cool, and heat lightning strikes across the sky occasionally to keep me awake. They have a large back deck, with covered swings and seating that leads down into the large backyard complete with a fire pit toward the end. A great view of the forest behind the house and there’s nothing in the sky for the stars to hide behind tonight.

I came out just to take a second to breathe while everyone is getting settled. I could almost fall asleep on this swing, if it wasn’t for that damn baby smell still lingering in my nostrils. He is so cute and small. It should be a crime for babies to be that adorable. Holding him for so long got into my head, but that’s how biology gets you. I swear babies smell that way to get others to have babies too. I see babies at work all the time, and they’ve never affected me like this. It was what he said when he fucked me on the car earlier. Asshole sent my body into ovulation. I take a deep breath, hoping to clear my head, but all I can do is smile.

Today was…incredible.

Other than Ser’s small family, I have never met so many great people. They all clearly love and care for each other and would die for one another, and they’re so comfortable together that you would think they all live together every day of the year. Everyone participated in so many fun activities and mingled like everyone already knew what to say. As if it was so natural that it was deeply ingrained in them. There were no side conversations or any awkwardness. Just people who love each other coming together to spend quality time.

Right before we played football, which I kicked ass at, and everyone was outside, the kids wanted to have a ‘pretend contest’. Which was practically charades, but everyone knew who they were acting as, so we just voted on who did the best. Damien and Zander were the best out of everyone, and my man’s goofy side really shined through, deepening my feelings for him even more.

They had to act out three things. The first? A prince. Zander chose the normal knight in shining armor prince, while Damien chose Flynn Ryder from Tangled. I can still hear him say ‘Alright, you give me no choice…here comes the smolder’ and smiled all cheesy. He won, regardless of the technicality that Flynn Ryder isn’t a prince, but the girls easily let that slide.

The second thing they acted out was a superhero. You would think since Damien is such a nerd, he would’ve won that one too, but Zander pulled a Hail Mary and used a rope to swing off the porch like Spider-Man. Damien acted like Batman, and then winked at me to reference our banter from yesterday. Saying ‘I am the night’ in a deep, batman style voice. For all the adults that know what he does? It was hilarious. For the kids? Not so much.

The final, and the best thing, was a pirate. Zander tried really hard. His fake sword fight and hook hand was very convincing, and almost won the kids over. Until it was Damien’s turn. All he had to do was steal the rum bottle from the table, yell ‘why is the rum gone?’ and do the Jack Sparrow run down the porch and through the yard. Most of us cried actual tears from laughing so hard, and he was the clear winner. His dad even laughed at him, and that might be the only smile, or glimpse of amusement, I’ve seen from him today.

I can’t help but sit on the swing and giggle to myself like a little schoolgirl with a crush on the popular jock. He is amazing, and just from being around so many people who know and love him, there’s no way it’s fake or a facade. He doesn’t wear any type of disguise with me. He’s always just…him…and that is the most incredible feeling I've ever experienced. Knowing I don’t have worry that I feel this way about someone he really isn’t, is the best thing I could ever ask for.

“Is my mommy out here?” I snap my head around to see Elena, Lauren’s four-year-old girl, standing in the doorway.

“No, sweetheart. She’s still talking with Paw-Paw. What’s the matter?”

“I didn’t get my story.” She says rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Awe, come here.” She shuffles her way over with her blanket and her teddy bear, and I pick her up, set her on my lap, and start to swing her. She lays against me and rests her head on my chest as she curls up with her teddy bear, and I feel my heart swell with tenderness at the sight. “I’m sure she’ll be out soon.”

“Do you know stories?” She looks up at me and asks. Her big, green eyes pleading.

“Well, what’s your favorite story?”

“Peter Pan.” My heart sinks to my feet and flies to the sky all in one motion. Nostalgia smacks me face before a warmth soothes the sting.

“Oh, I love Peter Pan. He was my favorite when I was little. I don’t know many stories, but I know a song. Do you want me to sing it to you?” She sleepily nods her head against my chest, and I quickly look back to make sure no one else was outside or could hear me. I take a deep breath as I drape her blanket over her, and gently run my fingers through her hair.

“There was a time, when I was alone.

No where to go and no place to call home.

My only friend was the man in the moon

And even sometimes he would go away too.

Then one night as I closed my eyes

I saw a shadow flying high.

He came to me with the sweetest smile

Told me he wanted to talk for a while.

And he said, Peter Pan that’s what they call me

I promise that you’ll never be lonely

And ever since that day.

I am a lost boy, from Neverland.

Usually hanging out with Peter Pan

And when we’re bored, we’d play in the woods.

Always on the run from Captain Hook.

Run, run, lost boy

He’d say to me.

Away from all of reality.

Neverland is home to lost boys like me

And lost boys like me are free.”

I look down at Elena to see that she’s fast asleep. Looking like a perfect doll. She has sweet blonde hair and a cute little button nose that resembles her mother’s. She kind of looks like Cindy Lou Who, in a way, and that only makes her seem sweeter. Damn, Damien's going to make some pretty babies. His genetics are insane. Everyone in his family is so beautiful.

Standing gently, I hold her in my arms and turn to walk her back to bed, only turning to meet those baby blues staring at me from the open door. A soft smile is spread across his face and his eyes are wide and longing, looking like an adoring puppy.

“How long have you been standing here?” I whisper to him as I walk in that direction. Trying to hide the heat rushing to my cheeks.

“I came out just in time.” He whispers back as he visibly relaxes, and Lauren walks through the door.

“I can take her, honey. Thank you so much.” She whispers as she takes Elena from my arms.

“It’s no problem.” She walks inside with her carefully. Smirking at Damien as she walks past him. He strides up to me, grabbing my hand, and leading me back to sit down on the swing. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in close. Cuddling me on the swing as we sway back and forth. “How was talking with your dad?” He takes a deep breath as he takes his cigarettes out of his pocket.

“Interesting to say the least.” He tries to keep his tone neutral.

“That bad?” I nudge towards the cigarettes.

“Definitely stressful.” He huffs out a laugh as he lights one and puts the pack back in his pocket.

“Was it about what I think it was?” He nods.

“Probably to an extent, yeah.” He leans his head on mine as he holds the cigarette away from my direction.

“That’s okay baby, the smoke doesn’t bother me.” He takes another puff and moves it away again anyway. I swear just to prove a point. “Your mom knows too.” We look at each other, although he doesn’t seem surprised.

“I figured once Dad called everyone into the office.”

“They love you, very much.”

He smirks at me.

“Yeah, I know. I know they’re just worried.” We stay silent and enjoy the weather for a moment. Finding comfort in each other. “They like you. Mom really likes you.”

“I’m glad. I like them too. Your whole family is just…amazing.”

“Yeah, they are.” He sounds confident, yet slightly sad in his answer. “I know you didn’t have that growing up. I’m sorry I didn’t know you sooner.”

“I’m not.” I feel him look down at me, so I look back up to meet his gaze. “I wouldn’t want you any other way than how I have you now.” He kisses my forehead and pulls me in as close as he can. “You know, we don't have a single picture together. What’s your mom going to put up on her wall?” He puts the cigarette out, reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone, and hands it to me. I take it out of his hands and go to the camera, smiling like a love-sick fool as I point it up at us to take a few selfies. Just some standard cute ones. Us smiling, him kissing my cheek, just us kissing, and of course the goofball licks my cheek right before I take the last one. That picture is hilarious, and definitely describes us in a single photo. His humor always makes me smile. I hand him his phone back after I text them to myself. “Thank you.”

“Always.” He reaches down and kisses me. “We should probably get to bed. Tomorrow’s not going to be near as fun as today, but we’ll have to get up and get ready.” He looks down at the porch.

“Where are we going tomorrow?”

“Henry’s funeral.” I nod my head in understanding. “My mom bought you a dress for it, since I wanted these couple of days to be a surprise.”

“Okay baby, I’ll be sure to thank her.”

“Oh, don’t thank her yet. Just wait until she helps you put it on and get ready.” He says playfully, and I cringe.

“Oh, shit. Okay.” We laugh and stand up to head inside.

His room is amazingly adorable. When he said he didn’t have posters of a model in his bedroom, he wasn’t kidding. There are posters, but there of spaceships, anime characters, and a few superheroes. He also has a few collectibles scattered across the shelves and end tables, but he said that most of his good stuff was at The Basement. Even now as I stand in his bathroom, getting ready for bed, the decor is dark and techy looking like you would find on a spaceship and it’s the cutest thing I might have ever seen.

I hadn’t packed pajamas really, since I didn’t think we’d be around so many people. So, I put on his t-shirt, and nothing else. Damien locked the door, so it’s not like anyone can come in. As I walk back into the bedroom, I halfway expect him to surprise me and throw me on the bed. However, I look over to see him in bed asleep. He’s naked, barely covered by the blanket. So, I'm assuming that wasn’t his plan, but he is just so exhausted. I’m not surprised after everything he’s been through this week. Between The warehouse raid that killed Henry, all of the events from yesterday, and then our fun filled day today, I’m surprised he stayed awake as long as he did.

Walking over to his side, I look over at his phone to check the time, and a smile sprouts on my face to see that he’s already changed the background picture to one of the photos we took earlier. I can’t help but think of the amazing day we’ve had, and how hard tomorrow is going to be for him. I may not have known Henry, but I know they were close. Going to a best friend’s funeral the day after your birthday has to make it suck even more. Oh, God. His birthday. He didn’t really do anything to celebrate it. He didn’t even have a piece of cake earlier… Well, I’m not accepting that. It’s eleven-forty, so technically his birthday isn’t over yet.

I walk over to the door and open it to see if there’s anyone I can hear that’s not in their rooms yet. It’s dead silent. Quietest I’ve heard this house today. So, after taking a quick look in both directions of the hallway, I quietly make my way downstairs. Thanking whatever God exists that this house is well taken care of, and the floors don’t creak or squeal. Sneaking my way into the kitchen, I open the cake box, cut a piece, and put it on a paper plate. I turn to take it back but stop. Fuck. Candles. They didn’t put any on the cake earlier…I’m guessing that’s also Damien’s doing.

I quietly rummage through the drawers, but don’t find any. Guess I'll have to improvise.

I grab the cake and run back upstairs to his room. Skulking my way in, shutting, and locking the door back. Making my way over to his side of the bed and grabbing his lighter out of his jeans pocket before I take off his shirt, leaving me completely naked. I straddle him, which normally would wake him up, but he doesn’t budge this time. He’s a very light sleeper, but tonight? He’s lights out. Maybe I shouldn’t wake him. Let him sleep and be well rested for tomorrow, but I'm sure he’d love cake and sex too. I mean who wouldn’t right?

“Damien?” I try to wake him up but nudging him gently. “Damien?” He sleepily stirs and wipes his eyes.

“Yeah, baby?” He says groggily as he opens his eyes. Needing just a moment for his eyes to focus before furrowing his brows. He sits up on his elbows and arches a brow.

“Happy twenty-eighth birthday, baby.” I say as I ignite the lighter. He chuckles, flashing that devil’s grin as he hungrily looks me over.

“What did I do to deserve you?” He shakes his head as he speaks.

“I ask myself that about you.” He smiles before he blows out the lighter and sits up straight. I put the plate down on the bed and drop the lighter to the floor so I can wrap my arms around him as I take in his deep kiss. His tongue sliding its way between my lips and caressing my own. “What about your cake?”

“Oh, I'm going to eat my cake.” I giggle as he kisses my neck and reaches over to swipe some of the icing on his fingers. He takes a finger and wipes it on my neck. “I'm going to eat some here.” He drags his tongue across it before he starts biting down and sucking. I can’t help the moan that escapes my throat as the sensation crawls its way down my body. He then wipes another finger on my nipple. “Here.” He repeats his pattern, the same slow and torturous rhythm. Forcing waves over my now heated body. He moves his mouth to the other nipple before gently running his finger over my bottom lip. “And here.” He kisses me again as he licks the icing from my mouth.

I feel his hand move from my side up to my throat as he grabs me and pulls me in closer. I’m sure he can feel my pulse slightly speed up at the contact. The initial ripple of fear makes its way down my spine, but then almost instantly fades away.

I know he wouldn’t hurt me. I just suppose my body will always have a reaction to things around my throat. But his hands are so soft, and they bring me such comfort and pleasure, a part of me hates myself for not being able to completely obliterate the remaining fear.

His grip tightens around as his erection grows, but he’s careful not to press the heel of his palm on my windpipe. I sit up enough to fit him inside me and slowly sit back down, engulfing him. Attempting to throw my head back in pleasure to his animalistic moan but I’m pulled back to him as he thrusts into me and kisses under my jaw. Biting and licking at the sensitive skin and sending ripples through my body.

His grip tightens just enough to blacken the edges of my vision and intensify the climbing in my stomach, only to release me enough to breathe again. I feel the vibrations from his moans against my lips as he thrusts into me harder, and I roll my hips into him, taking his speed as a guide as I fist his hair and clench my hands.

Laying us down and wrapping his arm around me, he thrusts into me from above. His pace is relentless. Clearly having more energy than I anticipated. I reach around his back to pull him close to me, loving our skin rub against each other with every movement. I can’t help but tighten my grip, digging my nails into his back as his grip on my throat tightens again.

Enhancing the feeling of his rough thrusts and his balls smacking against me with every move. His dominance is coming out full throttle tonight as he takes complete control. I manage to let a loud moan escape as he increases his force and moves his free hand to my clit. Starting perfectly pressured circles in tune with his thrusts. His grip around my throat tightens with the strength of his thrusts. Harsh and ruthless. Almost as feral as the growl that rumbles in his throat. Matching the building pressure to my orgasm.

The climb to my orgasm reaches its peak, so much so that having to hold it in is borderline painful, but I can’t release through the lack of oxygen. My body is taut. Wound up like a rubber band about to snap. My vision blackens again. Causing my eyes to flutter and roll when he releases me just in time to send me over the edge with a gasp for air, allowing life to rush its way back in. I feel my soul try to exit my body, convulsing me upward and squeezing my pussy around him so tightly I’m afraid I’ll hurt him.

He shakes as he comes. Burying himself to the hilt and unloading inside me with a primal roar. The force of his explosion is wreaking havoc inside of my pussy. He pulses and throbs inside of me, until our orgasms taper off. Leaving us both weak and breathless.

“Holy fuck…” He removes his hand from my throat and tilts my head up by gently grasping my jaw. His heavy breaths almost at the same rhythm as mine. His thumb caresses up and down the length of my neck. Soothing the skin along my windpipe. “God baby, I'm so sorry...” What the hell just came out of his mouth? I catch my breath and put my hands on his face. Slowly running my thumbs over his cheeks.

“What are you sorry for? That was…angelic.”

“So, you’re okay?” I give him a confused look and cradle the back of his head in my hands.

“Yeah baby, why wouldn’t I be?” His face holds so much guilt in this moment. Sadness. I don’t understand. He moves his hand away from my throat, and his gaze moves away with it. The choking... That’s why he hasn’t done that before… “Oh baby, I'm fine.” He’s not even looking at me, just to the side, at the wall. “Look at me.” I turn his gaze back to mine with my hands. “I know you would never hurt me. I’ve never been afraid of you.” He nods slightly. “I trust you. You know that, right?” He reaches down and kisses me softly.

“I know you do.” His tone still sounds so heartbroken. I caress his right cheek as I kiss the left.

“There’s nothing that you could do to me to make me think differently about you or about us. I trust you with everything I am, and I thoroughly enjoyed that.” He grins and chuckles as he shakes his head slightly. Almost in disbelief. “Now hold me before I seduce you and ask you to choke me again.” We laugh as he removes himself from my used vagina and lies next to me. Pulling me so tight into him I couldn’t get out even if I wanted to. I rest my arms against his chest, nudge my face into his neck, and I feel as he runs his hand up and down my bare back. Soothing me to sleep.

Tip toe. Tip toe. Don’t wake mommy and daddy. Tip toe. Tip toe. Remember what happened last time I walked around too late. I never listen. I try to be a good girl, but my tummy hurts so bad. The peanut crackers Ms. Rachel gave me yesterday weren’t enough. I should be a good girl and go back to bed. Mommy might try to make pancakes again in the morning. It’s been so long, and I love her pancakes. I don’t want her to be mad at me again and not make them.

It's so cold. Is it snowing? Serena said it's almost Christmas time. I don't know what that is, but in the Grinch, there was snow. I shouldn't look, because if it is I'll want to go play, and it's too late to play. Last time I played in the snow, daddy let me stay outside all day. It was so much fun until my toes started to hurt. He was so mad at me when I couldn't walk for two days.

I tried to help clean, I really did. I love being a good little helper, but my toes just hurt so bad. I didn't even know I was outside until bedtime until Mommy told me how late it was. I promise it felt like the sun woke up only a little while ago.

She was right, I should have known better. Well, don't worry mommy, I learned. I'm a smart girl now. I got smarter, just like you said I should. I won't look out of the window.

Tummy. I need to fill my tummy. Tip toe. Daddy likes the belt if I wake him up. Tip toe. Remember to look at daddy’s chair and see if he's there. Is he? No! Hurray! I can have my secret time! No. Tummy first.

There is a lot on the table. Is it food? Ew. Old food. That plate was from the last day I had gym and the playground at school. When do we have gym again? Two Mondays. Gym one Monday, Art the second Monday. I go back to school the day after tomorrow, so I must have gym again!

I love to run and play tag. I'm getting much better! But it's only fun when Serena and Madeline catch me. It’s not fun when mommy and daddy catch me. They hurt me when I don't win. But like I said, I'm getting better! I'll win more soon!

I see bread! Yes! I'm a big girl, I can make a sandwich! Serena’s daddy showed me how to at lunch! I'm such a smart girl now, I did it on my first try! I wish my daddy would eat lunch with me at school. I bet he will soon. Everyone’s daddy came, but I bet my daddy was busy. He’s always busy after he visits with his friends.

Reach! Reach! Got it! Oh, ewe. This is black bread. Ms. Rachel said not to eat the black bread. She said it would make me sick. I'm not allowed to be sick. I cause such a problem when I'm sick. So, no sandwich.

I bet I could eat the peanut butter though! Mommy just bought that last week! Spoon. I need a spoon.

No. Not that one. Or that one. Ooorrr that one. They all have black spots too. Mommy said to use them anyway, but they taste so gross. She heats them up with her fire stick sometimes, maybe that’s how she gets them to taste good.

I'm not allowed to touch the fire stick though. Last time, I had ducky tape on my hand for two Mondays because after the first Monday, my boo-boo started leaking. I'll just use my hands. I'm so hungry.

Tip toe. Tip toe. Time for my secret time! Reach very easy under the table.

I love my hiding spot for my blankey. It doesn’t get dirty, and mommy can’t give it to the store lady if she can’t find it. I shouldn’t hide things from mommy, that makes me a bad girl. But I love my blankey. It will be okay, mommy likes blankeys too! She lays with one all of the time!

One more reach into my secret spot…yes! My Peter Pan video box! Okay, okay, first green button, then red button, then box. Rewind, then play. That’s how it works.

I did it! Yes! I'm not stupid anymore mommy, I got it!

Now I have to be quiet. Daddy doesn’t like it when I sing, but I just can't help it! Peter Pan is my favorite!

“The second star to the right shines in the night for you…” I whisper sing.

“Damn it, Jenny! That was the last of our shit! The fuck are we supposed to do now!?” I hear my daddy yell.

“Oh, fuck you, Mark! I don’t…” My blankey can keep me from hearing their grown-up talks. Just put it over my head and pull it to my mouth. Just like Serena’s daddy showed me.

I don’t know what shit is, but that’s okay, I'm sure they’ll get more, and the only thing I want right now is this peanut butter on my fingers and for Peter Pan to take me to Neverland.

“And if it’s Neverland you need, its light will lead you there…”

I wake up drawing in a sharp breath. What the hell is wrong with me? We had such a good day today, why the fuck does this keep happening? I sit up as easily as I can, careful not to wake Damien, grab his shirt I was wearing, and head to the bathroom. I gently shut the door before my hands firmly grasp the edge of the counter, and I almost can’t bring myself to look in the mirror. Those years were pushed so far back into my mind, yet I find myself kind of jealous of his family.

Not an angry jealousy, I’d never resent him or his family for being good people. I just hate that my family was anything but good. There are horrible people in this world, and I just drew the shit stick early in life, I guess.

So why can’t I stop shaking? I've moved on from my past, this shouldn’t be affecting me the way it is. I'm not that na?ve little girl anymore. A blankey is the least of my necessities, I know the drugs that riddled my house, and I don’t wait for Peter Pan to whisk me away anymore.

I chuckle to myself at the thought that Damien is kind of my Peter Pan. Sneaking in through my window at night to play, and then taking me away to a better life. I will never openly compare him to Peter Pan, that’s embarrassing as hell, but I'll definitely think of him that way when I have rough nights like this.

I slip his shirt back on and bring the material up to my face. I can still smell the burning plastic and chemicals in the back of my throat. That dream wasn’t real, I shouldn’t be able to smell it, but I do. Inhaling his scent is definitely helping though. It’s slowly soothing the shaky nerves and horrid smell.

I'm not there anymore, I don’t need to tip toe around and be afraid to be seen. He sees me, always has, and I don’t feel nervous around him anymore. He lets me feel what I need to feel, I shouldn’t hide in the bathroom like this, and I’m not going to anymore.

I stand up tall, fix his shirt on my body, turn, and open the bathroom door. Walking back to the bed, I notice that he’s moved to his back, and his arm is searching the bed beside him. Right where I was laying. Goofball, even when he’s still asleep he can tell I'm not right there with him. I crawl back into bed and lay up against him again, for only a second before he turns back on his side and engulfs me in his arms.

“You okay?” He groggily says before his breaths even out again. I just gently nod my head against his chest and lay here attached to him. Focusing on the steady, strong rhythm of his heart. His grip calming every last nerve.