Page 16 of Crystal Iris #1

Thirteen

“The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is boundless.” – Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I ’m struggling to find something to wear. I’m still in my yoga clothes when Aaron gets home. I completely forgot about Lara and Ted’s party until he brought it up this morning. My head is definitely not on straight lately.

I have an entire closet to myself here, but my clothes are still split between this place and my apartment.

I also realize I need to do laundry. When did I become such a mess?

Not that I’ve ever been great with domestic chores, but still—this is bad, even for me.

I throw on a simple black dress, tie up my hair, and slip on the most basic pair of shoes.

I look too… boring. I open my jewelry box and decide to wear my mom’s pearls.

Tomorrow would’ve been her birthday, and she’s been on my mind all day.

There’s never a day I don’t think of her, but on her birthdays, it’s like she’s right there with me.

I’ve created a few rituals to celebrate her, like drinking my coffee from her favorite mug…

which is still at my apartment. I make a mental note to stop and grab it tomorrow before work.

“Do you have their gift?” I ask as we head out.

“Yes, I got it. Let’s go,” Aaron replies.

I’m thankful for Tina, Aaron’s secretary, who arranged a last- minute gift like it was the easiest task ever. She even seemed excited when I called her for help.

Lara and Ted are celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary with family and friends.

I can’t understand why anyone would want to do such a thing.

Their home is beautiful—exactly what I imagine Lara’s place would look like.

Everything is light, classic, and neutral.

Abstract paintings decorate the walls, along with sculptures that I know are mostly there because of their price tags.

The living room opens to an outdoor pool, too cold to use in March.

“If you like this place, you should see their house in Martha’s Vineyard,” one of Aaron’s friends says as we walk in.

“Your home is beautiful,” I tell Lara, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you! You guys need to come over for dinner sometime.”

“I’d like that,” I surprise myself with the honesty.

“Ted has to be here somewhere,” she says, looking around. “Ted!” She calls when she spots him.

“Hey, you came!” Ted is wearing a navy sports coat, coordinating with Lara’s dress color.

“I like what you guys did with the… outfits,” Aaron says, pointing out their matching look.

“Lara’s idea that we match,” Ted says, smiling at his wife and grabbing her hand. They seem happy.

“Congratulations, five years! Your wedding feels like it was yesterday,” I say, remembering their beautiful celebration.

The food was so exotic, I didn’t recognize half of it.

I remember someone mentioning an expensive Japanese melon; I had no idea fruit could be a luxury item.

They chose to get married in Ibiza—nothing will ever compare to that place, that water.

Our time there was spoiled when Aaron got food poisoning after the rehearsal dinner.

Lara and Ted took it personally, even though no one else got sick.

I told them it had to be something Aaron ate on the plane.

They made sure we had the best room in the hotel after theirs, as if that would make him feel any better, but we were still grateful for the gesture.

“Anything I should avoid eating today?” Aaron jokes, and our thoughts sync.

“I made sure to test everything,” Ted says, patting his belly.

We all laugh.

“Would you excuse us? I have something to show Iris,” Lara says, pulling me toward her bedroom upstairs.

“What is it?” I ask when we’re alone.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I’m dying to know—any news between you and my favorite bad guy?”

My cheeks flush. “We are… talking.”

“That’s it?”

“Well, as you can see, I’m still engaged. Talking is all there can be.”

“If you say so.”

“You and Ted seem… happy together,” I say, trying to change the subject.

As I look around, I notice her bedroom is so clean and organized, it makes my home—both homes—look like disasters.

Even with Aaron hiring cleaners, they just pile my things in corners.

There are no piles anywhere in this room, in this house.

“We had our share of troubles, but we’re happy now.”

“What’s it like to be married?” I genuinely want to know her opinion; I haven’t met many happy married couples. With my family and Aaron’s parents, we’re doomed to rely on their examples.

“It’s the best and hardest thing you’ll ever do, if you marry the right person.”

“And how did you know… Ted was the one?”

“When a lifetime together doesn’t seem long enough.”

She sees I’m thinking about my own life and says, “You’ll know once you find him, if you haven’t already.”

I smile at her, and we make our way downstairs.

Lara’s words swirl in my head when I find Aaron by the pool.

“It’s usually me who needs fresh air,” I tell him.

He attempts a smile.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, noticing the worry on his face.

“Do you think this will be us one day? Celebrating five years of marriage and still looking as happy as they are?”

I sigh, not wanting to have this conversation here. “I don’t know.” It’s all I can say.

He looks back at me. “Are you happy with me?”

I’m not ready for this talk. “Yes, of course.” I kiss him lightly.

“Sometimes I get a feeling this is too good to be true, you and me.”

“You deserve to be happy, Aaron.” I mean it. Even if it’s not with me.

We get distracted by someone yelling at us to come inside—they’re giving a toast.

After the party, Aaron falls asleep in the living room.

I leave him there, knowing the couch is as comfortable as the bed.

I cover him with a blanket and am glad to be alone with my thoughts.

I stare at the ceiling, pondering the day’s conversation, when I check my phone—the habit stronger than ever.

What are you doing? I read Hoyt’s text.

Just came back from a party , I reply.

Good time? he answers immediately.

I’m not a huge fan of them.

Of parties or people?

Both.

Me neither.

It was supposed to be a joke, but somehow, I can tell he also enjoys his solitude.

What did you do today? I ask .

Rode my horse to the river, then had some annoying business calls.

What’s your horse like?

He’s a black Irish, a little stubborn, like me.

I smile at the thought. What’s his name?

Blackwater.

I’d like to meet him.

Are you guys really coming?

Yes, Akira is game.

Send me your flight info once you have it. I’ll pick you guys up.

It’s okay, we don’t want to inconvenience you.

Nonsense, I’m happy to.

Okay, thank you. Anything I should know before arriving?

Bring boots.

Noted. Goodnight.

Goodnight, Iris.

I need to tell Aaron I’m leaving for spring break. I don’t think he’ll care, but I’m struggling to say it. Maybe because I know what I’m doing to him is wrong. If it were the other way around… it would be unforgivable.

He’s not in the best mood. He got some bad news from his secretary. Someone wants to see him bright and early, and he’s rushing out the door when I say, “Hey, I know you’re late, but I just wanted to let you know Akira and I are going away on Saturday for spring break. Girls’ trip.”

“Where to?”

“Montana.”

“Why… Montana?”

“I’ve never been to the countryside, and I thought it could be fun.”

“There’s nothing to do there. ”

“I’m craving some… peace.”

He just looks at me. “Okay, I don’t have time for this right now.”

“There’s nothing to do, I’m just letting you know.”

“Fine.”

“Bye,” I say as he walks out the door.

I have no idea what to pack. I bought a pair of boots that seem fitting for mud and a few other accessories the sales guy insisted I couldn’t live without, even though I told him I’m only staying for a few days.

All my clothes are either too dressed up or too casual.

I want to look decent without trying too hard. I have no idea how to pull that off.

I realize I’ve never had to impress Aaron. We met as teens, and we skipped a lot of the normal dating stuff. Akira and I are going for four days, although my bag screams otherwise. It’s so stuffed that I have to sit on it to close it.

Aaron and I had another fight last night regarding the trip.

I lost it when he said I should be spending my time off packing and finally moving in.

I mentioned needing to relax, and he threw it in my face that my job wasn’t that demanding.

I hate it when he, or I, compare our jobs.

It never ends well. Still, it was easier to leave after the argument, and I wonder if I picked the fight on purpose.

The airport is crowded with everyone who had the same idea as us—to leave for break. I can tell by their age that most are students going back home. For a second, I let myself wonder what it would have been like to have a family to visit—or a family at all. I shake the sadness away .

“What’s the plan when we get there?” Akira asks as we eat dinner and wait for boarding.

“Absolutely no idea,” I reply, stealing one of her fries.

“It’ll be good for you. Us. Nature is… healthy.”

“What kind of animals do you think we’ll see?”

“Horses, for sure.” I take a sip of my wine.

“I hope we see a bear or an owl.”

“For being such an animal lover, I can’t believe you don’t have a bunch of pets.”

“I like the wild ones.”

“To the wild ones,” I say, lifting my glass.

And I think she knows I don’t mean just the animals.

The flight would’ve been terribly long if Aaron hadn’t switched our tickets to first class.

I had no idea he’d done it until we were boarding.

He texted: I upgraded your seats. Enjoy your trip.

I swallowed hard after reading it. Why does he have to be so nice?

It made me nauseous for the entire seven-hour trip.

No matter what happens in Montana, I’ll be telling him the wedding is off as soon as I get back.

I can’t stomach this any longer, quite literally.

“Are you feeling better?” Akira asks as we wait for our luggage.

“A little.” I open my water bottle and take another sip.

I’m about to use my new yoga strength to haul our bags onto a cart when another hand grabs them.

“Welcome to Montana,” Hoyt says, looking painfully hot in his casual jeans.