Page 11 of Crystal Iris #1

Eight

“To be an artist is to believe in life.” – Henry Moore

A fter the third time she asks, I start to wonder myself if it’s a good idea.

“I have to know,” I tell Akira as I search for a candle.

“This is nuts. How? I just can’t believe he’s real.”

“He was standing next to me, in a tuxedo. I don’t even know why he was at the party.” I open a recently packed box, searching for the gift I bought myself in Salem.

“Do you know his last name?” Akira’s dressed unusually casually in jeans and a gray hoodie. Her colorful hair is tied up in a ponytail.

“I don’t.”

“And you think you’ll be able to… see him again if you do this?”

“I don’t know. That’s what happened the first time, but…”

It has to work. The thought of not knowing is driving me insane. Aaron went back to work this week, and without him or work to distract me, I’m a basket case. I can’t eat or sleep. My mind’s on a loop.

“What if it takes you somewhere else?” she asks .

“I guess it could… But I think… It should be okay if it does. I’m invisible there.”

“What do you mean? I thought you said he saw you.”

“I’m not sure he did. When I looked at my hands, there was nothing.”

She shakes her head, trying to understand. “What are you going to do if you find him?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think that far. I just need to know why. There’s got to be a reason the prism took me there, to him. It can’t be random, not after knowing he’s real,” I say, fishing out my pine tree candle.

“And how do I get you to… come back?” She looks stressed.

“I have no idea. After I blacked out, I woke up at your place.”

I roll out my yoga mat.

“Iris, I don’t know about this… Maybe we should have someone else here, too.”

“No, nobody can know,” I say, filling up a glass of water.

Akira takes the longest breath.

“If I don’t come back in ten minutes, start shaking me,” I tell her.

I sit on the floor of my apartment, surrounded by boxes. I close my eyes to keep from being distracted by the mess. I take a few deep breaths. Akira sits across from me, phone in hand to track the time. I lift the glass of water and dunk my prism in it.

“Now,” I say to Akira.

She lights the candle. “Ten minutes,” she says. I nod.

I hold the prism in my hand and bring it closer to the fire.

Just like the first time, I feel the urge to stop myself.

I have to fight the feeling. I have to keep going.

I have to get it closer to the flame. I close my eyes again and think of Hoyt—his green eyes winking at me before walking away at the party, his handshake, and the heat from it.

My pendant fights my hand as I force myself to keep imagining Hoyt, pushing my instincts aside, getting so close to the candle it almost burns my fingers.

The prism starts to spin, and I watch it while focusing on my breathing, telling myself I’m safe, I’m not alone.

My entire body tingles, and I black out.

When I can see again, I’m not home anymore.

I’m not in the same place as before, either.

I’m outdoors, in the snow. I should be cold , I note.

Apparently, I have no physical sensations here.

I look again, searching for my body, but I can’t see myself.

I look around—I’m alone. Tall trees, covered in white layers, surround me.

“Easy boy…” I hear the familiar voice and follow it to the barn. I don’t know how I’m moving without legs. I hear a horse neigh. I keep moving until I spot… him.

Hoyt looks very different from the last time I saw him.

He’s messy, a little dirty, and dressed in heavy winter gear.

The jacket is so thick I wonder how long he’s been outdoors.

Does he live here? I eye him from head to toe—his boots are covered in snow.

There’s something intrusive about being close to him without… permission.

In front of him, a horse struggles to stay still. I know nothing about horses, but this one doesn’t seem ordinary. Its coat is black, not brown, not even a speck of another color—completely black. Beautiful.

Hoyt seems to be doing something with the animal’s hoof, completely unaware that I’m here, watching them. Again, I try to speak, but no voice comes out. I move closer, but the horse goes still. Its brown eyes lock in my direction. What is it seeing?

Hoyt follows the horse’s gaze, and when he sees it too, he stands up, his eyes wide open. What are they seeing? I look down and around until I spot, through the reflection in the window behind them… a violet light, hanging midair. My prism’s light.

Hoyt steps closer, hand extended in front of him, as if he wants to touch me, only I realize I’m not me. He wants to touch the brightness. I am the light.

I don’t move. I want to feel his touch. Will I be able to feel it if I don’t have a body? I prepare myself for his hand when someone else grabs my shoulders.

Akira is shaking me, almost violently. I have to yell for her to stop.

“I’m sorry, you were…” she walks to the kitchen.

I lift my hands to my face. She hands me a towel.

“It’s only been eight minutes, but… your nose started to bleed.”

I stare at the red-soaked dish towel.

She continues, “And your eyes… they were white, completely rolled up. I… It was terrifying.”

“I didn’t feel… anything,” I tell her, realizing my head now hurts. “I saw him, and I wasn’t me—I was the light, the violet light. I have to go back.” I’m happy it worked. I’m excited, even. I wanted to stay longer.

“No way!” She’s already putting out the candle and getting rid of the glass of water.

“I have to, he was about to?—”

“I don’t care if he was about to kiss you.”

“No, that’s not what I was going to say. I wasn’t me. ”

She’s no longer paying attention.

“Akira, nothing happened.”

“Oh, really? Go look in the mirror.” She gestures to my face.

“It’s just a nosebleed, probably from the dry air.”

“This wasn’t a little nosebleed, Iris. Your face, you were…”

“What?”

“I don’t know, different. Not… yourself.”

“You don’t understand. I have to go back. I need to know more.”

“Not today.” She’s assertive.

“It’s not up to you.” I sound like a teenager.

“I’m not sticking around to see you get hurt, or worse.”

“What’s worse than getting hurt? ”

“If you want to do this alone, go ahead, but I’m not helping you again.”

I try to stand up and suddenly feel very dizzy. She holds me steady.

“Shit,” I say, sitting back down on the couch.

“I shouldn’t have helped you in the first place. Look at you.”

“Yes, you should have, and I’m fine. I just need… to sit for a second.”

“If you’re not you there, then how can you even… communicate with him?”

“I tried to talk, but I had no voice.”

“So what do you want to do? Watch him?”

“I was hoping I could… I don’t know, find out who he is.”

“There’s gotta be another way.”

“Like how? All I know is his first name. And that he has a horse.”

“A horse? In Boston?”

“It wasn’t Boston. Last time I saw mountains, and now, it was a barn.”

“Okay, a barn. So we look that up.” She’s typing something on her phone. “What kind of horse?”

“I don’t know, a black one.”

“Black one?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Black horses are not very common.”

“How do you know?”

“I like to watch animal documentaries before bed.” She’s scrolling on her phone. “Why don’t you ask Lara? She might know him.” She puts her phone down. I introduced them at my birthday party.

“I guess I could… I don’t want Aaron to know, for obvious reasons. ”

“Let’s start there. No more psychic shit until then.”

I smile at her. “Okay.”

I decide to stay in my apartment for the night; I need to be alone. I text Aaron saying I’m going to work on packing things.

I’m waiting on Lara’s reply when another notification catches my attention.

Hi Iris,

It took me a while, but I think I’ve found something you might want to check out.

A colleague of mine brought it up when I mentioned your research.

A few years ago, there was an exhibition of rare jewels at the Met, and my friend remembered that the catalog included information on folklore myths.

He has a copy and promised to give it to me on Monday.

If you don’t find one first, I can send it to you.

Hope this helps.

Happy New Year,

Elena

There are no copies of the catalog for sale on the website. Maybe Harvard has one. The library is open, even though classes haven’t started yet. I make plans to check it out first thing in the morning.

Another notification startles me.

Hey Iris, I would love to grab a coffee. How about tomorrow at 10:30 a.m.? I’m leaving for Morocco on Friday.

I reply immediately: Sounds good. Stanleys?

Perfect, see you then, Lara replies seconds later.

With actual plans for the following day, I order a pizza and eat in peace while researching black horses. I realize I know nothing about the animal; I’m lost in details about breeds and genetics when I make myself get up to pee .

Does Hoyt live in the mountains? Or does he live in the city? Why was he at the gala? Was he someone’s plus one? The thought stirs up the food in my stomach. I remind myself that I’m the one engaged . Still, whatever reason the prism had to introduce us, it has to mean something.

Aside from my anxiety, I sleep well; I miss my bed. It’s lumpy and small, yet my body fits perfectly in the indentations.

Stanley’s is only a block away from Lara and Aaron’s office. I’ve been here a few times waiting for Aaron.

I order a vanilla latte and take a seat by the window. I hope Aaron is too busy to walk anywhere today. I don’t want him catching me with his coworker.

“How are you?” Lara is wearing a tailored cream suit with a blue blouse underneath. Her silky long blonde hair falls over her shoulders.

“I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m good, a little stressed. I’m sure you know all about the stuff we’re dealing with in the office. Everyone is going crazy.”

I pretend I do.

I gesture for her to order something first before sitting down.

She comes back with an iced coffee and sits next to me. “I’m curious why you needed to meet in person. Everything okay?”

“Yes, yes, nothing serious… It’s this friend of mine, Akira—she was at my birthday, not sure if you remember her.”

“Colorful hair girl?”

“Yep, that’s her.”

“What about her?”

“Well, she met a guy at the office gala; you weren’t there… Aaron doesn’t know him, and I just wanted to know… if he is, you know, decent. She’s my best friend and has a tendency of… making bad choices… if you know what I mean. ”

“What’s his name?”

“Hoyt, I don’t know his last name.”

“Hoyt Locklear?” Her expression isn’t what I expect. “Rugged, tall, strong, green eyes?”

“That’s him,” I say, butterflies in my stomach.

“Seems like your friend does have an eye for the lousy ones.”

“Why is that?” I ask, not wanting to hear her next words.

“He’s known for not… settling down. Every party, he brings a new girl. His dad got sick, and he took over the business a while back.”

“I see. Do you know him?”

“I know of him. He lives in the country, I think; his dad was known to own a lot of land.”

“Well, I’m glad I asked then. I would hate for her to… waste her time.”

“Yeah, sure. I’d suggest she stay away, especially with so many good guys around here.” She winks at me.

Did she think…? She knows there’s no friend. I blush with embarrassment; she works with Aaron…

She reads my face. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing… anything.”

“None of my business anyway. Perhaps I’m being a little selfish, but… I like having a friend at those parties.” She takes another sip of her coffee.

“Thanks for coming, I don’t even know…”

“Water under the bridge.”

We talk a bit about business and Aaron, but her phone is ringing nonstop.

We’re saying our goodbyes when she turns around and says, “If your friend does decide to… test the waters… I suggest she keeps her options open. In case she needs a safety net.”

She walks away before I can say anything. Did she just imply I…? I shake my head. Lara is… Well, I can see why she’s good at business.