Page 15 of Cruel Russian Pakhan (Safin Bratva #1)

It had been five days since my life was thrown into a higher level of limbo. Once again, I was locked in my room. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep, not knowing what was in store for me.

Unanswered questions played on a loop in my mind: Had Lev done his research on me? Did he find out the truth? Is he mad he made a mistake, and now he’s punishing me by keeping me here?

My head throbbed as I curled deeper under the covers.

I just needed this to end. If Lev didn’t show up today, I’d bang on the door until he did, or smash the windows.

I’d pick the lock again, shimmy out, and risk getting shot by his guards, if that was what it took to close this chapter of my life.

Because not knowing my fate was worse than death.

I sighed and closed my eyes, thinking of Ninel and Mariya.

Just when I started to believe that maybe being married to Lev might be bearable, because his sisters were so sweet, life did what it always did: it took my happiness away.

The key turned in the lock, but I didn’t move. I was worn out. Lev had won.

I just lay there in the dark, thankful he didn’t flick the lights on as I heard his footsteps approach.

The bed dipped near my hip.

He stroked my cheek, and despite everything, my desire to see his face outweighed my need to ignore him.

“Are you okay? Why are you in the dark at two in the afternoon?”

“I’m fine,” I said calmly, even as sparks from his touch scattered down my spine. “You came here for a reason. Are you going to let me go?”

“No.” He sighed. “Is it okay if I turn the light on? I’d like to see you when we have this conversation.”

“Sure.”

As Lev crossed the room and flipped the switch, I sat up slowly, squinting against the brightness.

He returned to the bed and studied me. “Headache?”

“I’ll be fine, Lev. What did you come to say?”

Ignoring my question, he pulled out his phone. “Rocco, go to the nearest pharmacy and get a bottle of painkillers for Katya.”

My eyes widened. He didn't call me Vera.

He. Called. Me. By. My. Name.

Lev pocketed his phone and took my hand, his thumb brushing over my skin.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from moaning.

I was angry with him, but his touch still soothed me, still pooled wetness between my thighs.

And God knows how many times I tried to hate him in the past five days, but it was useless.

“Katya…” His voice was low, and filled with sincerity. “I made a grave mistake. I was wrong. I’m sorry for accusing you of working with Artyom, for kidnapping you, for taking you away from your life. Can you ever forgive me?”

I closed my eyes. How could I not forgive him when he sounded like he truly meant it? And how could I not forgive the man I was falling for?

I opened my eyes and met his gaze. “Lev, I’m not one to hold grudges. So yes, I forgive you.” I tilted my head, confused. “But if you know who I really am, and it was a mistake…why won’t you let me go?”

“Because I found something else.”

My heart skipped a beat, and my breaths came in quick, sharp uneven bursts.

“Something like what?” I croaked, tightening my grip on his hand.

He shifted closer. “The reason you look just like Vera…is because you’re her half-sister. You share the same father. You’re a Rykov.”

Time seemed to stop. I felt like the air had been punched from my lungs.

Vera…was…my sister?

Which meant Artyom and the others…they were my siblings, too?

No. That couldn’t be right. I’d spent my entire life believing I had no one. That I was abandoned by my parents. That I had no other blood ties. No other family. I’d clung to the idea that I came from nothing, because it hurt less than thinking I had family out there who just didn’t want me.

“I have a family?” I whispered, more to myself than to him.

Just saying the words felt like a hammer cracking open my chest. Before I could stop them, tears spilled down my cheeks. Lev wrapped me in his arms as I sobbed.

Thinking back to Artyom and the others, and their ages, it became painfully clear that my mother must have gotten pregnant by a man who already had a family.

Was that why she left me at the orphanage? Out of shame?

But there was something I needed to know, even if it shattered me.

“D-did my father know about me?” I asked, pulling back to look at him.

Lev shook his head. “He didn’t. He had an affair with your mother and kept it secret from everyone except his brother. Artyom confronted his uncle, who confirmed it, but he didn’t know her name.”

He hesitated. “I had one of your hairbrushes tested for DNA. I didn’t want to tell you anything until it was confirmed.”

His gaze softened. “If your father had known about you, you would’ve been in his life. Bratva leaders are very protective of their children, especially their daughters.”

“So my father was a leader like you?”

Lev nodded.

“And Artyom had to ask his uncle about it, so I'm assuming his father…our father is dead?” I choked out, and fresh tears fell from my eyes.

Lev pulled me back into him. “I'm so sorry you’ll never get to meet him.”

If my mother had told my father, my life would’ve been different. That one decision changed everything.

It would’ve been different…but would it have been better? After all, they’re the Russian mafia.

“They want to meet you,” he said gently. “In a few days. If you’re up to it.”

I clung tighter to him. I had siblings. And they wanted to meet me.

But…why?

Was it curiosity? Or retribution? Did they hate me for what my mother had done?

Without lifting my head, I whispered, “I’ve always wanted a family…and now that I have one, I’m scared they’ll hate me for her choices.”

Lev’s voice was tender. “It takes two to make a baby, Katya. And if it makes you feel better, I won't let you face them alone. I’ll go with you, whenever you’re ready. That’s if you ever want to meet them. I won’t let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to decide now. Just think about it.”

“What if I decide I don't want to meet them, will you let me go?”

“I will, but I'm sure Artyom and the others will find you, since you are family. And if I'm being honest, because you're now aligned with the Bratva, if others find out who you are, you will be a sitting target. So, it might be safer to meet with them and hear what they have to say, okay?”

I nodded, wincing as pain throbbed behind my eyes again.

Lev gently unwrapped me from his arms, crossed the room to turn off the lights, then came back to the bed. He kicked off his shoes, slid under the covers, and pulled me close once more until we were both lying flat on the bed.

“Rest,” he murmured. “We’ll talk more later.”

I wasn't sure how long I had slept, but when I woke up there was a tray with dinner on the nightstand, a basket of fresh fruits with chocolates, and a bottle of painkillers.

After taking a shower, I ate some of the dinner and took two pills. When I woke up again and checked the clock on the nightstand, it was seven thirty in the morning.

My headache was gone, and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I lay in bed for another five minutes before going into the bathroom to start my morning routine. When I came out, Ninel was in my room with a tray of breakfast for two.

She was sitting on the sofa, and the tray was on the coffee table. She stood up with a smile and I rushed into her arms. She hugged me tightly and we both sank into the sofa as a few tears slipped from my eyes.

I sniffled and pulled away. “What are you doing here? Not that I'm angry, just surprised.”

“Lev told us everything, and he thought you could use some company today. Mariya wanted to come too, but she had a couple of meetings to attend.”

“Thank you for coming,” I said softly. “I didn’t know if you and Mariya still wanted to see me.”

“Katya, we like you. Just because you aren’t Vera doesn’t mean we’ll stop liking you.”

A thought suddenly crossed my mind.

“Lev was supposed to marry Vera, right?”

Ninel nodded.

“So, then what happens to me, if I decide to stay? Decide to meet them?” I bit my lip as sadness filled me.

“Because you’re a Rykov, you’ll be returned to them.”

“Makes me sound like a damn package,” I mumbled.

Ninel chuckled. “That's how it's done in our world. You'll be under the care and protection of your family. And Artyom will now have the power to choose a husband for you. You and Lev will get an annulment, since you didn’t sign the marriage certificate as Vera Rykov, who he had intended to marry. They’ll make it retroactive as soon as he gives the go-ahead.”

“And then he’ll marry the real Vera…” My voice trailed off and I felt like a ton of bricks had just been dropped on my chest.

I was a Rykov, and Lev still didn’t want me. Even after everything we had been through. Even after the way he looked at me, kissed me…touched me.

Katya, he wasn’t yours to begin with.

But it shouldn't matter which sister he married, should it? It's the same family, the same bloodline…kind of.

When Ninel touched my hand and stared at me, I realized she had asked me a question. I masked my disappointment and focused on her question.

“Have you decided if you want to meet them?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek, thinking over her words.

“If you were in my shoes, would you meet them? Knowing your mother had an affair with their father?”

“Yes,” Ninel said without hesitation.

“Why?”

“Because they’re your family,” she said, covering my hand with hers. “Even if they don’t like you at first, which I honestly don’t see happening, they’ll come around eventually. I’m sure it was as big a shock for them as it was for you.”

“I hadn’t thought about that.”

“And having family means someone will always have your back. You’ll be protected, you’ll have financial security, and you’ll have two more sisters to talk to, since Mariya and I have already added you to our clan no matter what happens.”

“I have a family.” This time, I said it with a little more excitement in my voice.

“You do.” Ninel smiled broadly.

I grinned and tucked my feet under my butt. “Okay, so tell me everything you know about them.”

During breakfast and for the rest of the morning, Ninel told me everything she could about the Rykovs.

She confessed that both families had never trusted each other, but she hoped that might change in the future, since having more alliances than enemies was a plus in their world.

Or should I say our world, since I was now a part of it?

By the time Ninel left, it was three in the afternoon

For the next three hours, I sat staring at the TV without really watching it.

I chewed my fingernails, lost in thought, replaying everything that had happened since I met Lev.

Daisy always believed everything happened for a reason, and now I thought I did, too.

If Lev hadn’t kidnapped me, I wouldn’t have found my siblings.

But your heart would still be intact. You wouldn’t be head over heels for a man who doesn’t want you. What did he call you? A convenience?

I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Katya…”

Lev’s voice, followed by the light touch on my shoulder, made me jump off the sofa like a spooked cat and spin to face him. I nearly toppled backward on the coffee table trying to get away, but he was fast. He caught me around the waist and pressed me to his chest before I could fall.

I clutched the front of his shirt, my breath frozen in my chest as his eyes dropped to my lips. For a moment, we just stood there, breathing the same air, his hands still around me. Then slowly, his gaze met mine, he let go and stepped back.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I called your name a few times when I came in.”

“Oh,” I said lamely. “It’s been a long day. I have a lot on my mind.”

“Ninel told me you agreed to meet your siblings. I imagine that’s overwhelming.”

What’s overwhelming is how easily you tossed me aside.

What's overwhelming is how every time I hear your voice my heart flutters.

But what's most overwhelming is how my body responds every time you touch me, like euphoria.

And somehow my mind and my heart can't coexist in the same body.

My heart kicks out my mind every single time.

I shook my head gently to clear it.

“I’d like to take you to dinner,” he said, with a smile. “I thought it might help ease the nerves before you meet them.”

Might as well have one last night with him before he returns you like a package delivered to the wrong address.

“I’d like that.” I could use a break. I’d been cooped up for five days straight, and my sanity had been running on fumes.

The only problem was figuring out how to survive dinner while sitting across from a man I couldn’t stop thinking about, especially knowing he didn’t feel the same way.